Hi everyone, I dont know if this is the right place to post this but here goes......
I have had a lot of events in my life when I was younger that have seriously affected my life to the point where I dont feel safe with anyone. I dont want to go into these events but basically it includes neglect, severe emotional abuse, physical abuse, stalking, severe bullying, being held against my will and so on. I had behavioural abnormalities from 3 years old due to a difficult home life and from then things just got worse and worse.
The thing is I have been relatively 'hard-faced' all my life, I have blanked things out and carried on no matter what has happened to me, I have gone to great lengths to avoid feeling my emotions and dealing with what has happened.
Unfortunately these things have seriously affected my behaviour and my Psychotherapist has put me into long term therapy (2 - 3 years min) which will begin soon.
The thing is I am really terrified! I want to deal with these things but I am really scared that when I start thinking of what has happened and the things people have done to me, that I will end up a very angry person. Particularly as much of the abuse etc has been from my parents and close friends, I am worried that I will end up hating them for it.
I'd really appreciate it if someone could give me some advice on this as I am finding it really difficult to face at the moment.
RE: Psychotherapy Worries
you aren't hard-faced, you are protected, as has enabled your survival. now you have a chance to choose life & it is terrifying. you will explore your feelings in a safe environment of trust, & your feelings won't kill you or anyone else however painful they prove. why should you protect your abusers & deny yourself life? i say go for it & give yourself a chance.
i have been in therapy for 2 years & will be for some time to come. if i had to offer 3 admonitions to anyone they would be (1) wash your hands, (2) use sunblock, & (3) get therapy!!
hope to hear more from you x
RE: Psychotherapy Worries
Hi JC
Maybe you could explain your fears to your therapist? He/she might be able to talk you through a process of what is 'likely' to happen through a course of therapy; although it is impossible to generalise, becoming angry with people for having let us down, or not protecting us when we most needed to be protected is part of the process of accepting what has happened to us in our lives. In a way, it is the most natural & healthy response we can have, and a big part of healing. I would really encourage you todiscuss thesefears with your therapist and see what reassurance they can provide.
Wishing the very best with your journey
Warm wishes
Cx
RE: Psychotherapy Worries
Hi Baby,
This is a common worry about any therapy. Sometimes we just have to trust the process and go with it.
[sm=hug.gif]
RE: Psychotherapy Worries
Hi BabyJC,
I wish you the best of luck in dealing with all of these issues & yes it is very frightening, but it really is best to deal with your fears with your therapist. Remember - you can change your therapist if you are not happy with them. You are going to be dealing with very sensitive issues & you have to trust your therapist to get the most outof your therapy. Your therapist will take you through it one step at a time at your pace - you are in control.
Two people who are very close to me have being going through a very similar situation this year - both had a kind of breakdown because they had suppressed all of their feelings about their abuse etc for so long. They are both on anti-depressantswhich have helped their panic attacks/anxiety as well as their depression. They are now working through all of their issues with their therapists & are getting better & better each week. Both didn't think that they could talk about their issues for fear of 'letting the lid off the can' etc. But they are so glad that they stuck with it. I wish you all the best. Sending you lots of positive vibes to help you on your journey.
Let us know your progress.
Lou
x