Book on NLP... I'm already stuck!!

RE: Book on NLP... I'm already stuck!!

Tigerlily

well that is a reall challenge then, eh? I have to say that I have studied some NLP and I tend to use some of it in my life coaching with great results. However, faced with the problem/question you are faced with I am baffled to. I have to confess that having thought about it a while before posting this comment to what you said, I too cannot come up with anything that is "really attractive and compelling to you. Think of something that isn't fun to do in itself, but whose rewards are so great that you really want to do it."

My approach to things, I suspect a bit like you, is that either something is compelling and attractive and therefore I take great pleasure in doing it ... or it isn't and therefore I would tend not to do it or to delegate it. Personally if something is not fun to do it... then why do it? For the huge rewards? Not me mate! Which is possibly the same way you are thinking. So... I am afraid that I too cannot understand what they mean here.

I thought... could it be a tax return. That is certainly not fun to do but on the other hand there is no rewards at the end. Tax returns may be compelling in that we all need to do it... but it is certainly not attractive to do at all.

I thought could it be some activities to do with our professional or private/family life? But I could not come up with any example of that either. I don't find the admin work of my job fun at all but there is no great rewards at the end whether I do it or not! So, Tigerlily... sorry but I am at a loss as well. But I would be very interested to see if anyone has an exp;anation about this.

RE: Book on NLP... I'm already stuck!!

How about going to the gym!!! I love it personally but some people (like my dad) really hate it but go anyway cause when they come out they feel better for it!
Tx

RE: Book on NLP... I'm already stuck!!

Or.people who give up smoking or drinking. Its hard because you want to do it but getting there is no fun at all. But you keep at it (hopefully) because you know that the benefits are too great!
Tx

RE: Book on NLP... I'm already stuck!!

Im on a roll now!![sm=rollaugh.gif]
How about studying?
Im at uni, have a house,family etc and it is really hard to fit everything in at times. Ive had to give up work because I was getting stressed and so now we are skint.
BUT although it is a struggle, I am sticking with it because at the end of my degree I will be a qualified aromatherapist.
Tx

RE: Book on NLP... I'm already stuck!!

Trinityx

uhmm... yes your mind is running wild but... I am not convinced.

"How about going to the gym!!! I love it personally but some people (like my dad) really hate it but go anyway cause when they come out they feel better for it!"
Well either your dad does love going to the gym... really; or he is masochist!

"Or.people who give up smoking or drinking. Its hard because you want to do it but getting there is no fun at all. But you keep at it (hopefully) because you know that the benefits are too great!"
Possible, possible.

"How about studying? Im at uni, have a house, family etc and it is really hard to fit everything in at times. I've had to give up work because I was getting stressed and so now we are skint. BUT although it is a struggle, I am sticking with it because at the end of my degree I will be a qualified aromatherapist."
Ah but you like studying and so this example does not fir the original descrption above.

Also one could argue, what is a "great" reward. It may be something different for evertone. I still think that the question, which strated this thread, is not clear at all.

RE: Book on NLP... I'm already stuck!!

Hi Alex
* REALLY my Dad HATES going to the gym-you dont know him (not that I know of!) so you'll have to take my word for this. He goes because he is fat and wants to loose weight.
*The giving up smoking you thought was 'possible' so I wont go into that one as Ive goto go to the gym myself soon!
*Studying-'Ah but you like studying...' Well yes and no! I like seeing my friends and learning new things.
But I hate to feel under pressure with the work load and and trying to balance spending time with my family and the stress that packing my job has brought me. So no, there are aspects of studying I dont like-I like the thought of the outcome of my degree.
It would be easier for me NOT to go to uni and get a crap job and bring in a wage.
Anyway, I thought they were good!
Tx

RE: Book on NLP... I'm already stuck!!

think of a task that is really attractive and compelling to you. Think of something that isn't fun to do in itself, but whose rewards are so great that you really want to do it".

The statement itself is a little odd. "attractive" and "not fun in itself" seem to imply two different things. If I were you Tigerlily I would concentrate on the second half of the statement and play down the first.
of course knowing what the goal of the exercise is might help you to focus in the right place - or does that defeat the object ?

I think studying is a good example Trinity.

in my own experience for an A&P qualiifcation

I am/was really sqeamish BUT i really wanted to get the massage qualification . I spent most of the lessons on the circulation on my hands and knees in the corridor trying not to faint . but i forced my self to learn all about the heart and the blood because the rewards were so great.

RE: Book on NLP... I'm already stuck!!

Janey[sm=1kis.gif]
I knew it made sense!!
Tx

RE: Book on NLP... I'm already stuck!!

I've enjoyed reading these replies!!

Trinity, I can see where you're coming from. Studying is obviously a good example for you. It has to be one particular task though. Attractive and compelling. I study history in my spare time because it's attractive and compelling.... and because it's fun, too. Going to the gym is a very good example, because people get a 'buzz' after doing vigorous exercise. Unfortunately, I don't find going to the gym attractive and compelling. Eek![&:]

Purpose, I guess we experience things in a similar way, you perfectly relate to what I'm saying. It is perhaps interesting to note that this comes from a chapter about motivation, which I have always had a problem with, usually due to fear. I now know than I'm motivated 'away' from things to avoid pain etc., but on the positive side I'm a problem solver. So perhaps the question is more pertinent for 'toward' motivated people: the goal-setters, they would find something attractive because of the reward.

I can see why people are driven to do certain things because of rewards, but I see that as being different from something which is attractive.

Janey, you said you 'forced yourself' to learn about things that made you feel squeamish. That's like being driven to your goal, rather than being attracted to it. It's important in the exercise to choose something that you would find attractive, because you later have to contast it with something that you don't care to do at all. You are probably a motivated 'toward' person. I never do anything I don't like that I don't have to do. No reward has ever been great enough for me.

Perhaps I'm being to picky with the wording. Perhaps I should just choose something which is attractive and compelling because the reward is that it's fun to do!!

RE: Book on NLP... I'm already stuck!!

Im sorry, I must be really stupid!
Dont really understand your disection of the wordings!
Sorry.
Tx

RE: Book on NLP... I'm already stuck!!

ok,,thought hard..and some of you might just take this the wrong way,,as i type im trying to find the words.
I have a severely disabled daughter....who is totally dependant on me, 6 yrs old, Cant talk, walk, sit up, feed herself, also has a tube in stomach (gastrostomy) to help with feeding via. Although can feed orally too.
Anyway, sometimes, just sometimes, i dont want to spend hour and a half feeding, sitting with her on my lap unable to do things, spend a while going through all the motions on why shes screaming, could it be pain, boredom, hungry, have wind, etc....drive hours to appointments, spend days finding money to fund things, deal with a behaviourial problem with a child that cant communicate, wonder what shes thinking. I stipulate just sometimes.....but my reward is her smile at the end of the day, or when i pick her up from school.

RE: Book on NLP... I'm already stuck!!

*Jane*

Thanks so much for sharing that. It really touched me and you were very brave to do that.

Now, having read your testimony and putting it in relationship to the original question that sterted this thread ... well that could make sense. But dare I say... it is almost an extrem,e situation. I am therefore surprised that it is a book on NLP as a possible question regarding a seemingly "common" situation.

RE: Book on NLP... I'm already stuck!!

I agree.....i'll have to go with the studying option

RE: Book on NLP... I'm already stuck!!

Jane, it was very touching what you wrote, the way you worded it. My aunt is mentally handicapped, now 45 years old, and my grandmother has always been her 24hr a day carer. She still has to wipe her bum for her, clear up her sick and bathe her and quite frankly, my nan is my hero, just as you are to your daughter. Actually, doing something to see a smile is rewarding, beyond a shadow of a doubt. I'll have a think about that...

Trinity, you are not stupid!!! It's me reading into things very deeply and pulling them apart.

I've still not managed to come up with the criteria requested, but I'm just going to do it my way. I'll never get on if I do what is literally asked.

This discussion is a lot more interesting than the original question... it's fascinating reading different interpretations.

RE: Book on NLP... I'm already stuck!!

Tiger

Have been interested reading this and only just found it. Thought I'd throw in my four penneth.

Your bit about not finding a time when you felt abundantly confident, you did the right thing. If a client can't find a time, then I would ask them to think of a time they were a little bit confident and then go from there. If they can't even find that then I ask them to think of someone they know who they see as confident and imagin what it would be like to feel confident.

As for the attractive and compelling bit. Its difficult to say what they are after as I haven't seen the context it is in in the book. I haven't actually read that one. However, I suspect the purpose is to find out the different motivators that you have. An example of this would be: you already have a job that pays for the bills and life, but not enough for a really special holiday swimming with dolphins that you've seen advertised. After working out what more money you would need, you decide to take on an extra job of two evenings a week to save up for it. Now this in itself is not fun to do, but the end goal, saving up that £2000 for the holiday is not only attractive but compelling as it fills a life goal.

Its taken me a while to think when I would use this and it would be to begin letting the client work out what their core values are in relation to motivation. What motivates them? What gets them going? Many people can't think of anything that gets them excited and motivated. Asking the question, what do you love doing? can get a nil response. When this is related to someone who wants to do lots of things, but never seems to get round to it, the cycle needs to be broken. So I would start by asking the client to begin thinking about things that they did, which they didn't enjoy doing, but when completed they were just a little bit pleased. We would then look at this together and work out HOW they did the task and how they got themselves to complete it when they were (supposedly) unmotivated. this is the beginning of the process of letting the client begin to learn that they can complete things, and that the rewards can outweight the task. The next step then is that they begin to realise that now knowing that reaching the goals is worth it, they can look forward and hence begin to enjoy working towards the goal, which of course is the beginings of motivation.

Hope that all makes sense. Feel free to pick it apart and/or ask questions. A bit of a long answer to a short question, but I was thinking as I was typing.

"Things that aren't fun that I have to do have never had great rewards" That's a very interesting belief in itself. Its no wonder that you say you struggle with motivation. Your belief will drive your behaviour, and so your mind won't let you do a task that isn't fun as it assumes that there will be no great rewards. Until this belief is changed to one that serves you better, there wil always be a motivation doubt "Is what I'm doing really worth it" and you may find yourself starting lots of things but then not finishing them because you lose interest because its not fun. I know I still do this sometimes, though for me its not because its not fun but because if I can't see the point of the task then why am I expending energy on it.

Anyway I'll stop burbling now and click OK

Love

RE: Book on NLP... I'm already stuck!!

Thanks, Neil!

I have to comment on your last paragraph first. You've just opened my eyes to a belief I didn't realise I had. I have always had serious motivation problems for as long as I can remember. I've no idea how I got this belief. Starting lots of things and not finishing them is exactly what I do. I'm indecisive and I'm often a headless chicken. I was going to say "running around like a headless chicken", but I can't describe myself as "running around".... Running would imply that I get further down different paths than I actually do!

You've actually hit the nail on the head. Even though you didn't have the full context of the question in front of you, you've guessed it spot on. It is about establishing values in relation to motivation, as you say.

I'm one of the people who has the intention to do lots of things and often feel overwhelmed by it all. There is so much stuff I want to learn about, yet sometimes, when I devote time to learning something I'm genuinely interested in, my brain 'switches off' and I sometimes can't concentrate on it, and so simply give up. Even though I'll look at certain people and think 'Wow, they know so much, it's so amazing, so fascinating, I want to know all about that, I want to be like that', something happens, like a small obstacle and I just give up.

There was one time when I was saving as much money as I could so I could go off to Australia for a year. I was so amazed and pleased when I checked my balance after a few months. So my 'goal' was Australia. I never went. I got two very decent holidays from that money, a hi-fi and money to live off for a while when I first became ill. So I had motivation towards something which I never ended up doing. That's me, I guess!

Thanks for the reply, it was enlightening.

Tiger.

RE: Book on NLP... I'm already stuck!!

What springs to mind for me is some aspect of DIY / Gardening whilst some bits are hard work and not fun to do the end result can be really pleasing (unless I am the one who did the painting afterwards. 😉