The trait of perfectionism

Good topic. I used to have that disease!
The need to achieve perfection arises because inner pefection has not yet been appreciated and realised. It is an attempt to substitute inner chaos with outer perfection. When the perfection of Self is allowed to express itself, there is no more fight with imperfection. Everything becomes perfection, even the imperfection becomes that. one can appreciate perfection even in a right muddle and chaos. it is like the calm at the very eye of the storm.

I'm a perfectionist to a fault.
I'm not a "everything has to look perfect" ie cans in the cupboard etc, but I do follow "If you want something done properly, do it yourself"
I HATE it.
All it does is stress me out. I really struggle to ask for help as I feel I can't rely on anyone else to do what they say they will.
It's even got to the extent to where I have & still do receive therapy (CBT) for it as the stress seriously gets to me at times & effects my health.

My boyfriend struggles with this, as he hates seeing me struggle. He wants to help & feels hurt that I don't let him & /or tell him I'm struggling.
I think it's down to a lot of broken promises & a heck of a lot of "all mouth & no action" growing up from family & friends.

I believe a lot of it is trust. I don't trust anyone to do what they say they will so I take on everything & end up burning myself out.
I know I shouldn't tar everyone with the same brush (my boyfriend has NEVER let me down in the 2 years we've been together) but it's like my brain is programmed into thinking the way it does. I'm currently looking for the reboot button but so far no luck :/

I live with a perfectionist! A Virgo Male. :rolleyes:

He is a workaholic because no-body else can do the job as well as he, and everyone else is the idiot???? However, I do observe this as a lack of their own self worth projected onto the outside world.

Being on the receiving end of a hypercritical person due to their own perfectionist outlook can be very tiresome and often a blow to the recipient's self esteem, if they allow it.

Thanks peeps for sharing your thoughts on this subject which I find fascinating.

Getting things right/correct is something most of us I think strive for, but I am interested as to when it crosses the line of what could be considered acceptable behaviour and then its assocated effects, both on the self and other people.

I know striving to be perfect often leads to procrastination - tasks become too daunting to either start or finish to a perceived satisfactory standard, falling short of the goal. How to release/overcome that desire to be perfect? How to settle for less? Just wondering how this could be overcome...............

"Balck and White thinking" is a characteristic of the 1 position on the Enneagram. Perfectionists will often recognise this as their core personality type. If they do, the means to work with it more harmoniously are pretty well worked out.

Have a look at for more info on this (or one of the millions of other enneagram sites).

I'm a recovering perfectionist!
When I look back, I was awful, thinking about it makes me laugh now. Things had to be put away in a certain way, & I would find myself rearranging cupboards on a regular basis. I thoroughly agree with some of the other posts here. I've created a lot of stress for myself in the past due to my over-high standards.
And the procrastination... exactly that, I'm not going to start because I don't think I can do it to the standard I'd like.

I'm just working now on letting go. And giving myself permission to create a rubbish first draft, rather than having to get stuff 100% right first go.
'Done is better than perfect'.

I live with a perfectionist! A Virgo Male. :rolleyes:

I do too 😉

When does perfectionism become Obsessive Compulsive Disorder? I go for perfection in the public-facing side of our business but elsewhere it can be utter chaos here at times. I also think some people seek out things to control fully when the world can seem so out of control at times, as a comfort. This is a frequent topic of conversation here as having competing perfectionists with slightly different views of what constitutes perfection can make for lively conversation at times.
What do you think of this speliling mistake? Can yuo handel some typos? Does it drive you crazy?

When does perfectionism become Obsessive Compulsive Disorder? I go for perfection in the public-facing side of our business but elsewhere it can be utter chaos here at times. I also think some people seek out things to control fully when the world can seem so out of control at times, as a comfort. This is a frequent topic of conversation here as having competing perfectionists with slightly different views of what constitutes perfection can make for lively conversation at times.
What do you think of this speliling mistake? Can yuo handel some typos? Does it drive you crazy?

Hi Aylesburyspa

I resonate with these words of yours. It was exactly what I was considering in my own mind - i.e. when does attention to detail go too far? The projection of perfectionism onto others is intrusive and this 'fallout' is sometimes hard to avoid. It's as if a failure on their part is alleviated somewhat by pointing out errors others have made and maybe gloryfying in getting responses. And wanting things done a certain way too? [url] My way or the highway[/url].;)

And spelling/grammar can come under scrutiny too.:p By the way folks if you notice corrections in thread titles, it ain't me being 'picky' (lol), as a moderator I do it to help the search engines/forum searches.:D

A message in the spoons

You can fix my posts anytime ;). As long as you don't get into "sleeping with the enemy" kind of behaviour I am sure all will be well.

A colleague of mine was quite stressed a while back and having washed up some spoons, he laid them out on the draining board with such precision I found it more than a little scary! I took photos, want to see?

My daughter once shared a flat with a drop-dead gorgeous looking man who was a perfectionist par excellence. Not only had everything in the flat have to be absolutely tidy ALL the time, the newspapers had to be folded in a certain way and placed on a particular place on the coffee table.

My daughter decided to find another flat-share when she found him peering over her shoulder as she replaced the ice-cube tray in the freezer compartment. When she asked what he was doing, his reply was "I'm checking to see that you are putting the ice-cube tray level and in the right place." :confused: 😮

I have perfectionist tendencies - which I recognise - but these have fallen by the wayside with the ME/CFS where my energy has had to eeked out, and wasting energy on doing things perfectly, when less-than-perfect will do, was the better option.