A great [DLMURL="http://www.practicalwellbeing.co.uk/2011/02/14/the-curse-of-premature-reassurance/comment-page-1/#comment-25975"]article[/DLMURL] from Andy Hunt on the dangers of premature reassurance in therapy - I think it's a must especially for EFT practitioners - and other mind therapists too (in my experience this is a particular problem among some new EFTers - and even some very experienced ones as well).
Masha
It's a real curse! It's also very, very common, not only in a therapeutic setting but in the everyday life too. Well meaning friends/relatives/health professionals not letting you process emotions by forcing you to 'let go and move on', 'forget about it' or 'stop concentrating on it' or worse - using some pseudo-spiritual idea like 'It was meant to happen this way' or 'He is better off there' or things like that.
The two best books I have ever read on this problem are "The Language of Emotions' by Karla McLaren and 'Emotional Clearing' bu John Ruskan.
In the Language of Emotions McLaren says it happens from a very young age. The baby won't stop crying so we distract it with Mr Bunny. "Hello, look at Mr Bunny, he hops he jumps, whoopa" baby stops crying and WE feel better.. Yes, WE feel better.. All the reassurance is mainly for the benefit of the person who can't stand seeing intense emotions in others. So if we get in the way with all the jostling and distractions the crying will probably stop but the baby will have missed an important growth experience, she won't have been able to make a conscious connection between her discomfort and an important issue inside her. It's the first step in the 'Don't be so emotional' indoctrination.. How sad!
Emotions will always be there. Why can't people understand that? Why do we continually strive towards the so-called positive emotions and run away from the so-called negative ones? What is wrong with being angry? Or sad? Or depressed? Why not look at the message behind them? How do we decide that joy is 'good' and grief is 'bad'? Has it ever happened that someone stopped feeling any emotions ('good' or 'bad') forever? And if it hasn't happened yet, isn't it a good indication they are there to stay? To be loved and accepted? And worked through?
Wonderful article Masha B, totally agree, I have a school goup tomorrow and the Head of the School has told me 'you must put in the positive for the kids' to which I replied, 'Yes but we must root out the Negative first, she obviously could not comprehend for a while but did see my point of view eventually:)
Oddly coincidental that I should read this thread (and the article) today of all days after seeing a client today where the easy option (which I didn't choose) would have been to start bombarding with positive thoughts and feelings rather than helping her deal with her very real pain (lost her mother, husband and dog within the space of a few months, as well as battling her own cancer).
I totally agree that many therapists jump on the "it will all be alright" reassurances far too early during the course of their therapy which I feel achieves little in the short term and nothing in the way of long term results (or worse still, causes grief etc to be supressed, therefore doing more harm than good in the long term).
Great article and thread!
Thanks for the book references I'll have to check those out.
Personally I don't think there is anything wrong with positive or negative emotions, it's when they are stuck that it's a problem. One of the really nice things about EFT is it lets you un-stick what was previously stuck - but you do have to go there.
This is a great discussion. Thanks to Masha for alerting me to the existence of this forum (and being kind enough to post the article)
Andy
Thanks for the book references I'll have to check those out.
Personally I don't think there is anything wrong with positive or negative emotions, it's when they are stuck that it's a problem. One of the really nice things about EFT is it lets you un-stick what was previously stuck - but you do have to go there.
This is a great discussion. Thanks to Masha for alerting me to the existence of this forum (and being kind enough to post the article)
Andy
Oops, I should have credited 'energy' for the book references. Sorry about that.
Andy
Excellent article. I know of people who have been dismissed by counsellors as "it's been 5 months now so you should be fine" when I could see just from being a friend that there were lots of deep-rooted problems and not just the one presenting itself ...
Fascinating article Masha. Thank you for posting it. I have bookmarked it for future use!!
thankyou for bringing this to our attention Masha..:)
great article Andy....it cascades with truth and wisdom. 🙂
Fascinating article Masha. Thank you for posting it. I have bookmarked it for future use!!
Thank you and I know it's off topic but I love that quote from the Dalai Lama in your signature. I think I'm going to .. er .. borrow it 🙂
You're very welcome Andy! I am well acquainted with mosquitos and they can make a very big difference to a good night's sleep or not ... sorry :offtopic:;) Great quote!