Taking responsibility for your own behaviour?

Each person has to do what is right for them at that time in their lives.
For me, what i would always highlight to anyone is that needing to talk to someone and asking for help is never a sign of weakness but of strength.
People may feel equally as empowered helping themselves as they may do asking for support from a trained professional. Sometimes these professionals can be more objective and see what we often are blind to. But we sometimes get there in the end through trial and error! What works for one doesnt work for another.... the thing is giving it a go!

I don't see why you see Reiki as passing responsibility over to a third party. Think of it like this:

Would you rather wash your clothes in cold water, using only your hands (and maybe some rocks) to get the dirt out? Just how clean do you think your clothes would be if you did that?

Wouldn't it get the clothes cleaner if you used some detergent or soap? And maybe some hotter water? Or what about a machine to do the lot for you - that'd save on your poor hands!

You can "choose to take responsibility", which you have. However, sometimes you need help - and choosing to accept the help which is available does not mean you are abrogating your responsibility. Now if you were to ignore the help because your twisted thinking tells you it's abrogating your responsibility, that would be stupid.

Anthony Robbins tells us "insanity is doing what you've always done, and getting what you've always got - and expecting to get something different".

Please excuse me for saying this (I have my own reasons for giving this to you), but one of the symptoms of bipolar disorder is failing to recognise your dysfunctionality. Are you quite sure you are well enough?

Dear Isis and Chris

Thank you both for your considered replies. A couple of things, in particular, resonated.

Isis: "Each person has to do what is right for them at that time in their lives."

Yes. Perhaps I need to accept that the self-help route is right for me - and not another diversion.

Chris: "You can "choose to take responsibility", which you have. However, sometimes you need help - and choosing to accept the help which is available does not mean you are abrogating your responsibility. Now if you were to ignore the help because your twisted thinking tells you it's abrogating your responsibility, that would be stupid."

Yes, I hear you. And I understand why you are saying this. I think the broader question, again because it can be difficult to articulate a vague question - is option a) therapist, option b) self-help... is there an option c)?

I do hope that I am taking responsibility. I'd be mortified, to be honest, if I found I was deluding myself and was in fact side-stepping the issue/problem. But, what, apart from recognising there is a problem and taking measures to resolve the problem is 'taking responsibility'? No, that wasn't a rhetorical question.

Chris: "Please excuse me for saying this (I have my own reasons for giving this to you), but one of the symptoms of bipolar disorder is failing to recognise your dysfunctionality. Are you quite sure you are well enough?"

That's fine - you have to be sensible/responsible when folk ask for advice or guidance in this type of environment. I'm being overseen by health professionals - if that's what you mean? In a way I wish that I was blithely unaware of my dysfunctionality. But I'm not, and I feel that I have a responsiblility to myself and the people I love to try and be more balanced.

Ava x

Sometimes, you know, you just have to accept the help and let go...

A few years ago I had shingles. I'd just moved house, my job was nearing the end of the funding with little prospect of continuation. I got rid of the shingles within a week, but then the depression hit me. Now I've been depressed before - but this was the pit. I remember sitting in the doctor's surgery, and saying "I know I should do something about this but I just won't take my own advice" and bawling my eyes out.

She gave me stronger antidepressants (I was already taking Amitryptline for an unrelated disorder), signed me off for two months and told me it was OK to go home and sleep all day if that was what my body wanted. That was the signal I needed to accept I was really ill. She told me all this was a direct result of the shingles (post-viral depression and fatigue) and that there was nothing I could do about it, except wait for things to return to normal. Oh the relief that followed that! Permission to wallow and fell sorry for myself! Except it wasn't. It was permission to allow the healing process to take place, no matter how long it took.

Sometimes we have to accept what those who are there to help us tell us, and trust that someone out there (or in there) knows what they are doing. It was acceptance that helped me heal that time. That was my self-help.

In my hunble opinion, if you look at something as a problem then it is being fed by your constant energy and focus. It is very likely that out of all your qualities you spend most mental energy on this one. Don't give your personal power away to any label- including bipolar diagnosis. Somebody told you that, for your own sake don't be too serious about it
When you realize how powerful your focus and attention are then happens a shift which is beyond your own effort. Your effort to get 'better' (for lack of a better word) is the very obstacle.
All that you have said in your query comes out of analyzing emotions... The answer lies in feeling whtever arises in you in the present moment.
Each emotion is pure energy in movement. It is neither good or bad. Then recognise the story around this particular emotion( he said this, she did that, that went wrong etc etc) Drop that story! Don't even call it by any names like fear, anger, jealousy etc
Now scan your body where you feel this emotion, it could be anywhere( stomach, chest, legs , arms, throat)
Dive into that pool of pure vibration, relax into it. See it disperse relax into that scattering...
Until you are either happy, relaxed, bored or quite uplifted and energised
No need to look for help outside of your self. Your attention holds the key.
Try feeling emotion this way, you will not care to talk about it anymore. Talking about emotion is bye passing it, feeling it brings libertation from emotion.
Much love
Ruby

Hi Ava

Can you ever take responsibility for your own behaviour? Or are we only ever just passing the problem to third party therapist, or likewise to some other self-help modality? And I guess, following on from that - do we need to, or is the therapist/and or/self-help route honest enough?

You can't pass your problems onto a third party, that would be of no help to you if you could, it is in reality your problem, you have to take full responsibility for your own issues, for only when we fully own something (take responsibility for it) do we put ourselves into a place where we can change it. 🙂

Thank you. I want you to know that I have carefully read, several times, the comments everyone has posted here. I think I hit the jackpot with jnani (Ruby)'s advice. Thank you so much - you've provided me with more than you know.

Chris, your second post made me weep - especially "permission to allow the healing process to take place, no matter how long it took". Coincidentally I am currently reading on Taoism, and it too has the message of acceptance - which likewise made me pause.

Yes, thank you. I always appreciate people's advice and suggestions.

Ava x

Dear Ava
Universe is intently listening to each whisper that you care to make. The cry to feel good has been heard by the intelligence itself, I wonder what else you will manifest!
healing hugs
Ruby

Hi Ava,
even going to a counsellor means you have to take responsibility for yourself, of course. It took me a year to realise that nothing was going to happen with my counsellor until I co-operated in the process as an equal partner, and another year to learn how to do it. But then a large part of what I had to work through was that I needed to take responsibility for myself, so the counselling reflected that back to me, as it does very well.

My understanding is that mindfulness meditation has been shown to be useful for BPD, btw.

My understanding is that mindfulness meditation has been shown to be useful for BPD, btw.

Yes, this is very true. I had the longest period of stability (without medication) ever, when I was meditating daily for 8 months last year. However I had to stop for several weeks because of work commitments - and my mood hence went pear-shaped. I've not been able to get back into it since. BPD is a strange beast to deal with it - you have to find/wait for the right entry point to be able to do some things. Some things you can't do cos your mood is too high, and others you can't because they are too low. The high mood precluded a resumption of meditation. Then I forgot about meditation. Now my mood is too low. But, yes, you are right: Mindfulness meditation is a shining beautiful gem. As is MCBT.

Ava x