Hi all, not sure how to convey this but hopefully I will get across what I mean.
I remember starting my primary school and walking in the BIG school gates, saying goodbye to my mother and full of confidence, proud of what I was wearing and really looking forward to what was ahead of me.
I loved my first years, picking out what I wanted to play with, chatting to who I wanted to and JUST BEING ME.
As the years progressed I knew who I was, I knew what I liked and did not like, had my own opinions etc.This was real life and simple things were enjoyable, they were REAL.
Now in my latter years, I do not know what I really like,I mean NOT REALLY, I am easily persuaded, I see people having different views on differen things BUT I really do not know what my opinion is, I can just go with the flow for an easy life.I want to have opinions, I want my life back, I want to know who the REAL me is again, how did this happen?
Hi Star,
I haven't yet read all the responses, so if I repeat, sorry about that.
With respect to boredom, I have found, without fail that it's always the precursor to one of life's revelations. The worse the boredom, the bigger the revelation. The epiphany that lurks behind the boredom is unconsious, but the boredom means that it's much closer to your awareness than it ever was. It also means that it's something you haven't been ready to deal with until now.
Without knowing much at all about your circumstances, and going only by this one post I've read, I'm guessing that once you've faced and dealt with the impending realization, it will free up some of your energy and you will be more easily able to engage with life in a way that's enjoyable to you.
I'm having the same troubles with motivation - money, position, prestige just isn't interesting to me. I'm not bored, but I'm not exactly enjoying a big sense of direction either.
As for my identity, I never knew who I was. Whenever I'm in doubt, I always revisit my core beliefs. If they are the same, than I am the same. If they have changed, I have changed.
We're always changing. Life is always changing. Life never let's us stay still, and sometimes that sucks.
When we are young we are our own wild, true, authentic self. Yet we are here to learn, and we become immersed in the sea of humanity's emotions. We become flooded with experiences, sensations, emotions, impressions and at exactly the right moment for each of us, we begin to integrate our lifetime knowledge with our authentic self: we bring our human experience to our soul.