Hello. I am new here and am wary of letting it all pour out although I think it may be just about to do so.
First. The positives in my life.
1. I have a kind and understanding partner of about three years.
2. My children are alive and growing into adulthood.
3. I have family who care about us.
4. I have a roof over my head and can afford to spoil myself occasionally, if only a bottle of wine or a hairdo.
5. I have energy and determination.
Ok second what is wrong.
1. Today i went on a course and driving home started to cry for no reason and had thoughts of ending my life. I have been like this for the past few weeks triggered by things happening with my eighteen year old.
2. For the last four years one of my children has been troubled and confused. There have been the usual teenage struggles but I have sometimes got them out of perspective. I feel guilty about the choices I have made and the effect it has had on him.
3. For the past year or so and possibly before this I get things outof perspective and over-react. My adoptive mother says I have always been highly strung and over sensitive. Therefore I have become "cross" and resentful towards my family and am distancing myself from them because I feel labelled and they make me feel down and angry.
4. For the past few weeks things with my young adult have worsened and there have been ups and downs, there have been big downs and shock then a lull and then some other shock. All around the time of his 18th birthday, oh and for the past four years really. Not only do the recent downs impact on his own life but also on my working life as our work lives overlap somewhat. I think I am on the one hand worried about his welfare and on the other embarrassed by his behaviour. (i am ashamed writing this as i know I shouldn't be ashamed by his behaviour)
5. I have worked and brought up my children alone. I put my work before my children and my own mental health. I put "status" and "success" before everything.
6. I gave up the career eighteen months ago that I had "neglected" my children to pursue. I still work now in a demanding but lower paid job and have to do so to pay thenew bills my partner and myself have taken on. I feel de-skilled though the work is very satisfying.
7. My family "hates" me and has not come to terms with what happened to us as children. My siblings appear to despise me or ridicule me as the baby or my father's favourite. Our mother died when I was quite young.
I know I am lucky in so many ways. I watched a programme last night about a twelve year old girl who's parents are both transgendered. She was so courageous to stand up to bullies and negative media attention. I read about people losing their children or having to cope with illness and wonder how they cope.
Hlaf my problems come from caring too much about what others think. I know where that comes from and am so much better than I was at dealing with the "critical parent".
I just feel totally washed out and tired of fighting.
These moods come from no-where and are gone just as quick.
I keep going as ever. Work, sleep, eat.
I understand why I am feeling like this. I feel a failure as a parent and a failure as a "professional". I wanted to do so much with my life and had high expectations of myself and the others around me. I wonder what my life has been for and what the purpose of all my struggles have been(however misguided).
I feel that my life has come full circle. I am back living not far from where I was born and my children will not have moved very far in life ( not in location but in lifestyle) though I tried to get them away from the life I had as a child.
I know I have to accept what has happened.
How can I do this?
I feel like I want to go to sleep and forget it all.
In a way i feel that my children have been the victims of my own life lessons.
I know I am new and didn't want to pour it all out here on my first visit but have been feeling so dis
RE: Help please. Had therapy and counselling in the past - where do I go now?
Hello Moth,
Welcome to HP and thank you so much for sharing your troubles with us here. I'm sorry to read how down you feel at the moment but you have come to the right place for understanding and support ( always remember there will be someone here as a shoulder to cry on when you feel the need).
I will leave it to others more able and experienced than I to offer practical forms of help but just wanted you to know that we are here for you,
Love and light
reikiangel
xxx
RE: Help please. Had therapy and counselling in the past - where do I go now?
You are welcome Mothand there are plenty here who will listen to your story.
This is my eternal refrain - have you thought about EFT? [link= http://www.emofree.com ]www.emofree.com[/link]
Have a look at the threads on the Mind therapies forum which mention it, and see the range of problems it can help. You might need a therapist - or you might want to start tapping on your own, with help from us here.
Good luck,
Sharon.
RE: Help please. Had therapy and counselling in the past - where do I go now?
Thank- you.
I will have a look for the threads which mention EFT.
I so want to find some peace.
Moth
RE: Help please. Had therapy and counselling in the past - where do I go now?
Hello again,
i have had a look at the website emofree and am thinking of downloading the introductory guide.
I was wondering if this idea comes from Neuro Linguistic Programming techniques that I have read about as it sounds similar to some of these?
I was also wondering how someone like me who is completely bogged down by the past and by things happening now can use this method as there are numerous issues that I have going on not all of them related to each other(though I guess there is something at the root of why I react the way I do to events).
Also does this method completely take away the need to talk about the events and reach understanding through talking? I was hoping that more responses may have come but maybe I'm just wallowing in my self pity.
Also when someone is feeling completely overwhelmed by events and their motivation and energy are very low(lower than mine at present) how does a person motivate themself to search out and learn about this technique and have the self discipline to practice and perfect it?
I don't mean to sound negative but how does one locate a therapist? Oh an yeah afford a therapist? I couldn't. I was responding to a thread from someone who sounded so desperately unhappy and confused(and very young) and this person said he was trying to save enough money to talk to someone! I think this person was outsaide the UK where finding a free conventional councillor or therapist can sometimes be done through the national health service or charities. I have never heard of any alternative therapies being accessed by those who cannot afford to pay so whre do they go?
I could probably afford it if I wanted it badly enough at the expense of something else. However I know there are people out there who need help and cannot pay - no way!!
Questions, questions!
Moth
RE: Help please. Had therapy and counselling in the past - where do I go now?
hi moth,:) I've just registered on this site and read your message. I am currently training as a hypnotherapist and NLP practitioner, I qualify in January. I would be pleased to speak with you and hopefully offer some help. No payment required. Whereabouts are you? alchemistsrose.
RE: Help please. Had therapy and counselling in the past - where do I go now?
Hi Moth,
Firstly - there is lots of love here in the forums so post back whenever you feel down.
Secondly - whereabouts in the UK are you based? This will help people give you tangible advice on where you can seek help etc.
Love and light and lots of blessings,
RE: Help please. Had therapy and counselling in the past - where do I go now?
Hi Moth,
NLP techniques can and are used by EFT practitioners to assist with getting to the root causes of issues. Other techniques such as Timeline therapy, Hypnosis etc. can also be used with EFT for added benefits.
EFT is a simple technique to learn for starting to treat yourself, and a practitioner can help you get to the root causes or help you to word your statements correctly for the process.
If you'd like some more information or advice about EFT, then there's plenty of people who use this technique on the Mind Therapies forum (as already mentioned) or please feel free to email me and I'll be happy to assist where I can.
Love and Reiki Hugs
RE: Help please. Had therapy and counselling in the past - where do I go now?
Also when someone is feeling completely overwhelmed by events and their motivation and energy are very low(lower than mine at present) how does a person motivate themself to search out and learn about this technique and have the self discipline to practice and perfect it?
Well you are doing well so far - not to worry about others at the moment, just get yourself sorted, and then you'll be in a better position to help them
Don't worry about "perfecting" EFT - it's very forgiving - if you get it roughly right, it will work. And as for feeling overwhelmed, I good set up is "Even though I am overwhelmed, I deeply and completely accept myself" and tap on that:you should feel better and start to gain a bit of focus as to where you can start after a a few rounds of tapping on it.
You have a great offer here from alchemistrose, and there is plenty of help available here, as you'll see from previous threads.
As to affording to affording to pay for a practitioner - here's a way of looking at it. Yes sometimes this sort of thing needs a sacrificeof other things in your life to afford it - but it will be worth it because of the outcome of the session/s, and will be of more real value to you than if it were easily affordable or free, and just handed out on a plate.
You have to think of the value of the outcome.
Sharon.
RE: Help please. Had therapy and counselling in the past - where do I go now?
... and to follow on from Sharon....
They say that you don't get anything for free..... well that's not always true.... There's good old Gary Craig providing the manual for EFT, totally free for anyone who want to download it and give it a go for themselves. You can also get lots of free advice from people here on HP. There are some people out here who do understand that not everyone can afford to pay for what they need and not everyone has a fixed cost for their services. I would imagine Gary would charge if you wanted a one-on-one EFT session with him, but with the manual and help from us on HP there'splenty to be getting on with. 😀
Love and Reiki Hugs
RE: Help please. Had therapy and counselling in the past - where do I go now?
Hi and thanks.
Alchemistrose, I am in the North West, I know it must sound mean not wanting to pay as I know that everyone has to make a living. Finances are part of my stress and I really couldn't justify the cost of therapy at the moment to my family, in fact I couldn't find the extra cash and would probably get myself deeper into debt than we already are!
tinamay - thanks for the encouragement. I am feeling really down again tonight but trying hard to control it. I feel i can come back here and post at the moment.
Energylz, thanks to you too. I have looked at your site and am thinking about things. I will email you with more questions soon. I am late home tonight and my partner needs me.
Hi Sharon. Yes I agree when things are handed out on a plate maybe the value is lessoned in some cases. However maybe it's not the monetory cost but the personal investment that matters most. After all with live in a throwaway culture and are constantly trying to buy happiness.I could buy a particular therapy but if I did not invest more than my money in it then it would not make one bit of difference to me.
I do not think things have been handed out on a plate to me in my life and i guess I am quite bitter about things. I do not expect things handed to me on a plate although they would be quite nice! I have worked hard, very hard and struggled most times alone to overcome whatever it is that won't let me go or that I won't let go. I cannot afford to pay for any therapy as my partner and I are just about managing the monthly bills, have debts and in the end if there is nothing out there that will just have to do it myself. I don't know if I can however as I am exhausted and demoralised and spend alot of my energy helping others in my job.
Anyway , enough of my moaning and self pity but do you see my point Sharon? I will try to get myself sorted as feeling like this is just too painful.
I do not mean to sound aggressive or negative Sharon and thank you for your words of encouragement. I am thinking where to start and if I have the self discipline. I guess going to the doctor and asking for tablets is just the same as your EFT in a way. Aren't they both about masking the problem? This is a genuine question and not me simply being antagonistic.
How does EFT address the problems? It seems to be about supressing emotions.
Sorry.
Moth
RE: Help please. Had therapy and counselling in the past - where do I go now?
Energylz
You mentioned Timeline therapy. I've not heard of that before. Can you briefly describe it, or alternatively suggest any sites where I could read about it? Rather than me hijack Moth's thread, I'm hoping that she will be interested too?
Ava
RE: Help please. Had therapy and counselling in the past - where do I go now?
Moth - I take your point about cost if you are very hard up - it's just some people will always find money for things that seem non-essential,(having their nails done, meals out etc), and then stint when it comes to a bit of investment in their more profound selves. if you are living hand to mouth it'sdifferent. So make good use of these pages!you have plenty of support here.
guess going to the doctor and asking for tablets is just the same as your EFT in a way. Aren't they both about masking the problem? This is a genuine question and not me simply being antagonistic.
How does EFT address the problems? It seems to be about supressing emotions.
I would say EFT address problems in a fundamental way, not masking them, butmeeting them directly and allowing them to flow out. Then your perspective on a situation is changed - and when that happens, when how you look at something changes, real change occurs.
For instance a client came to see me the other day, on a "downward spiral", thngs were "overwhelming": he was using alcohol and cigarettes to take his mind off his mother, who was aging (badly) and was his sole responsibility.hehad been adopted, and had issues around that. half an hour into the session, his outlook had changed so much, he said "You know, I can't really work out why I came to see you. Things aren't that bad. ". Three weeks later, he is coming back for a session to help him stop smoking. In passing on Monday night I said - be prepared- have a think about why you smoke, and his reply was - "Well most of them aren't there anymore - no really, I have released a lot of stuff that made me stressed". Well that was in 2 sessions with me, and some substantail work on his own.
That's rather different, In my opinion from getting an anti-depressant. And that's jsut one illustration: it happens to be my newest client - but I could go on,and on, and on, people with chronic conditions, phobias, and fears............. And I'm quite sure all the EFT practioners on this site, andpeople who have learnt the technique off of Gary's web-site will tell you the same. It may not always be quite as instant as you may wish it: it depends on the matter in hand. But changes are fundamental and long-lasting.
Definitely not a suppressor of emotions but rather a liberator ofthem.
I think (I hope) you will do well with the technique.
It will make a difference.
Best,
Sharon
RE: Help please. Had therapy and counselling in the past - where do I go now?
Hi Moth
Firstly a big [sm=hug.gif]for you, I am sorry that things are so tough for you at the moment. The others are far more experienced at EFT than me, but I just wanted to echo what has already been said - that it is something very easy to learn and doesn't require you to be perfect to get results. What have you got to lose by trying it?
I speak as someone who suffered a driving phobia for many, many years and was at my wit's end. I was having counselling for something else when EFT was suggested for driving. I came back to it and since then, I have used Gary Craigs DVDs and the v easy manual and the wonderful people on this forum [sm=FIFangel.gif]to help me find the root cause. I have used it for pre-race anxiety,stress etc. Am currently using it to help me deal with a breast cancer scare(have got the scan tomorrow) and I'm glad I have it available.
You have indicated that you may have multiple issues to deal with before you can reach the root cause of why you feel so low at the moment. EFT is perfect for that, as it helps you uncover issues layer by layer-you suprise yourself! So in that sense, I don't think it masks any problems - if anything, it helps you uncover them. Set up statements can start as very general and as you go deeper, you can really get to the root of the problem, all the way along assessing your progress.
You have had a great deal of good advice here and some lovely offers of help. I'd like to add one more-Gary Craig has said that we are allowed to copy the DVDs and dstribute them free to a set number of people. If you would like a copy of the course, I should be able to get one done next week. No cost, just a gift from someone who wants to help. [sm=hug.gif]
Much love
Stella x
RE: Help please. Had therapy and counselling in the past - where do I go now?
Hello Moth [sm=1kis.gif]and welcome to the board 'Big Hug' xx- iv read these posts and offer you my compassion and love.Unfortunatly im not trained in any counselling type therapies to help you ,but im sure that other members on the board will be a great source of expert help to you.
Please come on here whenever you feel low
Catrina
XX