Hi Everyone
I really dont know where to begin so I'm just going to have to start at the end and work my way back lol. I'm at a point in my life now where I'm finding it very difficult to put my heart into one thing or the other 'god or nothing' and for some reason its all I can think about at the moment, I've just reached 33, my gran (dads mum) passed away a few months ago and my dad has just been told he has a heart problem now, there has also been a family fued my dad vs rest of family, since my dad doesn't have anybody and because i clean for him on a weekly basis i've been exposed to his complete sorrow plus anger and also the fact that he has a heart problem and at any moment could have a heart attack so that rests on my shoulders like a led weight. To top it all off I have given up smoking a couple months ago and gave up cannabis over a year ago,i'll never touch any of them again that i am sure off but i think the lack of both have meant that i'm constantly exposed to the same reality 24/7, no escapism for me anymore noooooo. I've always felt that i have been spiritually inclined and i'm of the feeling that there is more to life then what we are told by the media, some branches of science etc etc but due to the ever lasting attempts by people to dis-prove this and that has an effect on me. i would say that all my life this has made me question a lot of experiences and feelings.
This is why i've come to you all today for some help because instead of being someone who sits on the fence all the way through my life i would like to get off it and sit with the rest of the believers. I've been so lucky to have had some great experiences with someone who is a witch,i watched him perform a spell on a crystal for me (whether good or bad) but i know one minute the crystal was empty to me and when he finished with it it was amazing, i also am pretty sure i heard a voice of an angel or something very out there when i was looking after one of his own personal crystals, her voice seemed to come from a million miles away and i really felt she was calling for him so i took it back and told him. Those are just 2 things and for some people including myself that is prove enough that we are not alone BUT, and this is where the atheist that has been pounded into me rears its ugly head, science has brainwashed me into questioning everything about life and this is where I am in life at this very moment and its sad for me i dont want to be like this anymore.
Thank you for taking the time to read this guys, sorry if its a bit of a rant.
Hi
grace at work! Divine pulls at you constantly. We can be obstinate and don't listen but it will get you in the end and how unfortunate it would be if it didn't!
All this passion(grief, confusion, disillusionment) can become the stepping stone to dispassion. Dis - passion means peace at the very eye of the storm. The play of life continues as it would, there is a stability within remains untouched by it.
All the time our reference point in life is as a separation from the source grief is the theme of life. The source is not out there some place but is the very core of one's being.
Grief is again a blessing because there begins the quest to get whole and One.
The good news is you can delay it, but you won't be able to avoid it. Then again why delay it? life is short why not invest energy to find out the stuff we are made of! Intelligence is always guiding you listen up! Its all good!