Divorce and Religion.HELP ME PLEASE

But because my religion is strict and i know what the bible says

Religions can be strict but that's when the needs of man take over to control. Your religion shold never deny you your human rights, you're not a punch bag and his "needs" are nothing but rape. You need support and help and if your friends and church can't provide that for you, then contact your local woman's refuge for help.

What you've said makes sense, and never be sorry for being abused. Everyone is entitled to a happy and fulfulled life and it sounds like you're stuck between your husband and doing right for your religion. For the sake of your health and your children yo need to be away from this man as soon as possible. I know leaving is a massive step into the unknow, but as soon as you do it, you can start building a new life.

Call Women's aid on their support line:

Myarka.

Hi Aromajo,

This is not a situation you should have to find yourself in and it's terrible to think that things like this happen in life, but unfortunately they do and many people like yourself find themselves stuck in the situation.

I'm not a believer in God myself (in the Christian sense) but from what I know of the bible I would say that God and Jesus taught Love. They would not want suffering to happen to anybody. If your particular branch of religion teaches that you should not divorce, meaning you should put up with such abuse, then perhaps you should ask yourself if this is really the correct branch of the religion you should be following. It's possible to believe in God and be a loving person without following the doctrines imposed by any particular "church". The fact that you ask the question... Why would God expect a person to live in this situation for the rest of their life??! means that you already know the answer is that God would not expect that and that you know what your church is imposing on you is not gods way but that of the church.

Aside from the religion aspect, Domestic Violence is a criminal offence, even if there is no physical violence and it is just verbal. Call you local police, they will have a non-emergency number (unless of course it is an emergency and then you can call 999) and they have excellent support teams who will advise you what to do and can offer you the protection you need. There is no need for you to just stay there and take the abuse.

You say that you will lose most of your friends if you divorce your husband. Ask yourself why that is and I'm sure you'll find it's because of their own misinformed ideas... which will lead you to realise that people who think like that about such a situation cannot truly be friends. There are many loving and caring people out there who will definitely be willing to be your friend so, although at times it may feel like you are alone, be strong in knowing that you are not. You don't need "friends" who will judge you for wanting to be happy and get out of an abusive relationship.

Keep us posted and know that there will always be someone here who is willing to listen and support you.

All Love and Reiki Hugs

When you got married, didn't your husband vow 'to love and to cherish' you? He is the one who has broken his vows.

If your church is going to condemn and reject you for leaving your husband, instead of condemning and correcting him for his behaviour, then it's not worth belonging to. If you really feel the need to belong to a church, then shop around and try out some others until you find a more loving community - there's a whole world out there beyond the narrow confines of your church.

Hi Aromajo

Read the Bible for yourself and you will find the words of Jesus telling us that because we are human God invented the idea of divorce. Now, if Jesus tells us that divorce is allowed, who are we to disagree?

You have to get yourself out of there. God never intended for you to suffer. Jesus suffered so you don't have to. And He will protect you and find you a better life if you trust him.

Sending love and light to help and protect you.

Hi Aromajo

By the sounds of things you have made your mind up, and good for you, too many others suffer quietly at the hands of others because of religion, as the others have said I don't think god would have intended we live like this and if you loose friends through leaving then so be it, if they were true friends then they would only have your best interests at heart.

Sending tons of positive thoughts your way xxx

Dear Aromajo

Bless you for having the courage to stand up and say “no more”. I so agree with what everyone else has said. Do contact a woman’s help group for advice about the steps to take. If he is abusive, you may need to disappear without him knowing about it.

... because my religion is strict and i know what the bible says - and that is divorce and remarriage is not allowed - i will lose most of my friends and dont want to remain single for the rest of my life! Why would God expect a person to live in this situation for the rest of their life??!
.

God is Love itself. Love would never wish suffering on Her beloved children!
[COLOR="Purple"]
I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly. John 10:10

These things have I spoken unto you, that my joy might remain in you, and that your joy might be full. This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you. John 15

And ye now therefore have sorrow: but I will see you again, and your heart shall rejoice, and your joy no man taketh from you. John 16

I don’t know which denomination you are, but it strikes me that if anyone is a real Christian, then they will be loving and non-judgemental. If your riends care about you, they will help and support you, not condemn you. I would certainly let them know the reasons you feel you have to do this. If they shun you, then they were never real friends and you are better off without them.

I have had friends who have gone through difficult marriages (one was married to a violent man and had a terrible life but eventually found the courage to leave him) All of them prayed – in some cases, the marriage improved, in other cases, the answer was divorce. We can only do our best and highest and you need to think of your children as well as your own safety and happiness. Here are links to a few articles I hope you will find comforting and encouraging.

[url] Gratitude freed me from an abusive marriage [/url]

[url] 'My maker is my husband'[/url]
[COLOR="DarkGreen"]I hadn’t told many people about my situation, and, one Sunday, a church member asked me where my husband was. Tears welled up in my eyes as I replied, “We’ve separated.”
She reached out and hugged me with the words, “Thy Maker is thy husband, honey.” I felt the strength of her love and the truth of that statement. And I knew in my heart that all the love, support, and husbanding of God would always be by my side and wouldn’t leave me comfortless.

[url] Let your light shine[/url]
[COLOR="DarkGreen"]While I was married, I spent a lot of energy trying to fix an incompatible relationship, one that really couldn’t be fixed because of serious fundamental differences. I ultimately realized that in our case divorce gave both my ex-husband and me the freedom to grow in individual and necessary ways.

Love and peace,

Judy

finally left him

Thank you all for your thoughts and your time. I had tears of hope.
I have left my husband now. Its hard, but already I feel refreshed... like I can breathe again. And yes Love is a commandment. And yes he did vow to Love me, but has broken this vow.
He is so strange. He dressed up for me (because I left him) in a shirt and neat pants, trying to impress me - and hour later he said "can i get dressed now" (into his his casual clothes). Now he is threating to keep my five year old son full time! But i know he cant because of his past.
Im so glad im away from him and his manipulative ways. I just dont trust him no more.
Thank you all so much
God Bless

Dear Aromajo,

I've been wondering what had happened to you. Well done for having the courage to take affairs by the horns! :p

I'm sure that you must have sought legal advice by now and it's probably best to tell a woman's help centre about his threats too.

Psalm 91 is the Psalm of protection - it assures you that you and your son are under the shadow of God's (Love's) protecting wing. Pray with it and you will find a deeper sense of peace and security.

Mary Baker Eddy, who went through many trials and suffering in the 19th Century wrote this:

[COLOR="Blue"] At all times and under all circumstances, overcome evil with good. Know thyself, and God will supply the wisdom and the occasion for a victory over evil. Clad in the panoply of Love, human hatred cannot reach you. (Science and health with Key to the Scriptures 571)

(A panoply is a complete covering, a full suit of armour)

And here is the first and last verse of one of my favourite hymns:
[COLOR="DarkGreen"]
Everlasting arms of Love
Are beneath, around, above;
God it is who bears us on,
His the arm we lean upon.

From earth's fears and vain alarms
Safe in His encircling arms,
He will keep us all the way,
God, our refuge, strength and stay.

Based on a hymn by
John R. Macduff

We are all here for you - remember that!

Love and peace,

Judy

Hi Aromajo,

Firstly congratulations on having the courage to leave your husband, it takes an amazing amount of bravery to do that. I know as was in a similar situation this time last year.

There are a number of things you could now do to protect yourself and your children, if he is making threats to keep your son full time you initially need to contact a solicitor who handles family law, I would also consider contacting your local family mediation centre as they will be able to give you advice, and reach a positive solution (hopefully).

If you are concerned in anyway about your childrens safety when with your ex husband I woudl possibly consider contacting social services and telling them about the domestic violence, as it is now considered a form of a child abuse too (and I dont want to panic you here) so please take further advice. Social Services could then also make a case on your behalf to the courts saying that in the childrens best interest your husband can only have supervised contact until he has had anger management classes (or something similar).

I also think that for you personally you need toc onsider the possibility of seeking some counselling, as there will be emotional scars from the abuse that YOU have suffered over the last five years.

I really think you have been wonderfully brave!!! Believe in your strength and bravery every day even when the road may seem bleak. You are an amazing woman and mum to take you and your family out of this situation.

Love & Light

Laura

Well done Aromajo for making the first step. Love and Light will be with you on your journey.
(((((((((((((Aromajo)))))))))))))

Thanks everyone,
Strangely enough my husband reacted quite calm and admitted that he has been a bad husband and father. He is really sorry and wants me back. But I don not trust him after all these years. Its not about forgiveness, i could forgive him, but i could not live with him or love him anymore. He is going overboard and changing himself, trying to impress me - its almost sleezy!!
My church friends are not really good friends. One of them called me on the phone and said " you are married you should get back together with him". I felt so hurt when she said this. Doesnt she even care what I have been through! I feel so very lonely, it overwhelms me.
I feel really awful because i have met a special person and he is so kind and looks after me already (though he is not christain).I think my husband would be very upset with this.
I have pretty much lost everything around me since i have left him. I have my ups and downs. Time will heal I suppose.
Thank you all so much for your kind words.

Hi chrisrams,
You said "if Jesus tells us that divorce is allowed, who are we to disagree?" i never thought jesus did allow this! Tell me more if you can, thanks.

Hi Aromajo

I just wanted to send you a huge hug. You may feel alone but you never really will be. Although it feels like loss at the moment - and you are right this will fade with time, this is actually a time of amazing opportunity and as you heal and become the fabulous person you are meant to be you will come to realise this and see the blessings even in the most difficult of circumstances.

It is nice that you have found someone to support you during this difficult time but be careful of getting too involved with someone when you are at your most vulnerable.

With love Sunbeamx

Hi chrisrams,
You said "if Jesus tells us that divorce is allowed, who are we to disagree?" i never thought jesus did allow this! Tell me more if you can, thanks.

Well its in Matthew 19: 7 and 8 7 The Pharisees asked him, “Why, then, did Moses give the law for a man to hand his wife a divorce notice and send her away?”
19.7: Deut 24.1-4; Mt 5.31
8 Jesus answered, “Moses gave you permission to divorce your wives because you are so hard to teach. But it was not like that at the time of creation."

Jesus does say other things about divorce which are generally disapproving, but this verse above seems to explain he is telling us what life should be like in an ideal world.

Thanks everyone,
Strangely enough my husband reacted quite calm and admitted that he has been a bad husband and father. He is really sorry and wants me back. But I don not trust him after all these years. Its not about forgiveness, i could forgive him, but i could not live with him or love him anymore. He is going overboard and changing himself, trying to impress me - its almost sleezy!!
My church friends are not really good friends. One of them called me on the phone and said " you are married you should get back together with him". I felt so hurt when she said this. Doesnt she even care what I have been through! I feel so very lonely, it overwhelms me.
I feel really awful because i have met a special person and he is so kind and looks after me already (though he is not christain).I think my husband would be very upset with this.
I have pretty much lost everything around me since i have left him. I have my ups and downs. Time will heal I suppose.
Thank you all so much for your kind words.

Hiya
God looks after his own and I suppose he has sent you an angel, even if he isn't christian. Make good use of him!