When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
Lee Majors
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
Al Gore
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Socrates
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
Mike Tyson
The great question.. which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?
George Clooney
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
Bill Clinton
"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
George W. Bush
"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
Rudy Giuliani
"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."
Michael Jordan
"I've had bad luck with all my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn’t.” The third gave me more children!
Donald Trump
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
Shaquille O’Neal
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...
Kobe Bryant
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
David Hasselhoff
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Alec Baldwin
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Barack Obama
Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
Tommy Lee
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
Brad Pitt
First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
Jimmy Kimmel
“Honey, what happened to ‘ladies first’?” Husband replies, “That’s the reason why the world’s a mess today, because a lady went first!”
David Letterman
“First there’s the promise ring, then the engagement ring, then the wedding ring...soon after....comes Suffer...ing!
Jay Leno
ha ha ha!
I do like the posts that I can understand! Good one! thanks you
You're divorced aren't you, Daz? Is this post part of your recovery?
ha ha ha!
I do like the posts that I can understand! Good one! thanks you
I thought you were too "lazy" to read long posts Jnani?
hoping to keep the jokes going...one of Osho's
Mulla Nasrudin and his friend were talking about their wives. "My wife is very touchy," said the friend. "The least little thing sets her off." "You are lucky," said Nasrudin. "MINE IS A SELF-STARTER."
self starter!
Lol Jnani @ W.S. nah never been married .. don't really believe in marriage to be honest ..
A man speaks frantically on phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" the doctor queries.
"No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband'' .
x daz x
ha ha ha I love jokes! another good one Daz!
Here is another one...
George Grope is fifty years old, and has spent the best years of his life with a woman whose constant nagging and criticism has driven him mad.
Now, in poor health, and with his business on the verge of collapse, he makes up his mind. He goes to the dining room, gets up on a chair, fastens his tie around the chandelier, and is just about to end it all. At that moment his wife enters the room.
"George!" she cries in shock at the scene before her. "You idiot! That is your best tie!"
Lol Jnani @ W.S. nah never been married .. don't really believe in marriage to be honest ..
Oh - I remembered that you said "[url]ex misses[/url]" somewhere, and thought you meant ex-wife (my black bold-ing):
Nah - no - separation no-one Is above or below us . There Is only sameness . There Is only equality . There Is only One .
Nah falling over whilst learning to walk Isn’t a mistake . We are not born ready to walk . Practice make perfect . I could say that meeting my ex misses was the biggest mistake of my life - but boy o boy was It a learning curve . I had already signed myself up for 10 years of sufferings prior to my Incarnation . None of my sufferings were her fault although she was the center piece from where the pain was emanating . No mistakes present In this well oiled universe .
found this one!
After ten years of marriage, Boris and Betty get divorced. Betty wins custody of their young son, Bert, and three hundred dollars a month in child support from Boris. On the first of every month, Betty sends Bert to Boris to pick up the money. And every month the check is waiting.
On his eighteenth birthday, Bert goes once again to Boris. But this time, as Boris hands Bert the check, Boris says, "Bert, when you give this check to your mother, tell her it is the last check I am going to send her... and watch the expression on her face!"
Returning home, Bert says to Betty,
"Mum, Boris told me to watch the expression on your face when I tell you that this is your last check."
"Is that so?" says Betty. "Then, I want you to go straight back over there and watch the expression on Boris' face, when you tell him that he is not your father!"
lol again Jnani @ W.S. It's just a figure of speech .. The ex misses .. I think being with someone for a decade or more perhaps counts as being your wife in the eyes of many .
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you."
The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."
x daz x
ha ha!
How is this one?
[LIST=1]
"Ah!" gasps Humphrey. "Where am I? In heaven?"
"No, dear," replies Hilda, his wife, "I am still right here with you!"
Wonderful light relief from you all - many thanks for putting a smile on my face :D:D
Wonderful light relief from you all - many thanks for putting a smile on my face :D:D
we are not finished yet!
Caroline go find some jokes, lets have a laugh!
check this out...
Paddy is drinking a few beers in the pub, and he has a worried look on his face.
"What is the matter?" asks his friend, Seamus.
Paddy drinks down his beer and says, "I am totally afraid to go near the highway, day or night."
"Why?" asks Seamus, sipping his beer.
"Well," replies Paddy, "my wife just escaped with a truck driver, and every time I hear a horn I'm afraid he is bringing her back!"