Quotes about marriage

"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?~ George Carlin

The Three Ages of Marriage: Twenty is when you watch the TV after. Forty is when you watch the TV during. Sixty is when you watch the TV instead. ~ Anonymous

Zsa Zsa Gabor got married as a one-off, and it was so successful she turned it into a series.~ Bob Hope

My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, a little wine, good food..... She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays. ~ Henny Youngman

When my husband comes home, if the kids are still alive, I figure I've done my job.
~ Roseanne Barr

I never mind my wife having the last word. In fact, I'm delighted when she gets to it.~ Walter Matthau

Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest.~ Irwin Corey

"When you see what some girls marry, you realise how much they must hate to work for a living." ~ Helen Rowland

"If you never want to see a man again say, 'I love you, I want to marry you, I want to have children'. They leave skid marks." ~ Rita Rudner

A man inserted an ‘ad’ in the classifieds: “Wife wanted”. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: “You can have mine.” ~ Anonymous