My wife and i are getting rid of our Vacuum cleaner since we had laminate flooring put in after all its just laying around collecting dust.
I love my step ladder
I never really had a real ladder
I love my step ladder
I never really had a real ladder
Omg...funny.
Life : A fatal condition that is sexually transmitted
Life : A fatal condition that is sexually transmitted
Lol...lol good one.
Dentist: You need a crown
Me: I know!
God loved the world so much that he sent Darwin and Einstein to explain it.
You always give my day a smile.
You always give my day a smile.
Thanks. I love jokes, Short ones (we won't go into that again!). Another one for you my friend
A guy tells his friend: “You know, I got really unlucky with both of my wives"
“How so?”
The first one ran way with my neighbour!”
“And what about the second one?”
“Well . . . She didn’t!”
I waved the waitress over to our table.
I said, "Could you get the bill for us?"
She said, "Absolutely."
I said, "Thanks. We're kind of broke."
Why do flamingos sleep with one leg up?
Because if they slept with both legs up they'd fall over.
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it,
then huw's dodgy logging business is a success.
I HATE WAITING IN LINE!
I wish this woman would hurry up and pick a suspect
What's it called when a chameleon is unable to change its colors?
Reptile dysfunction.
When I die I wish my body to be donated to science.
Specifically, to scientists who are working on bringing dead people back to life.
What's the most remarkable invention ever?
A whiteboard
I waved at the waitress and asked could you get our bill
Sure!
Thanks we are kinda skint
What happens after you die?
A lot of things happen, they just don't involve you.
I was recently diagnosed as being colour blind
The news came out of the green
What do you call a broken can opener?
Can't opener
When I see lovers' names carved in a tree:
I don't think it's sweet.
I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date.
Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful princess, Will you marry me? The Princess said, NO!
And the Prince lived happily ever after, rode motorcycles, hunted, fished, raced cars, went to nudie bars, dated women half his age, drank, never heard bitching nor paid child support or alimony, kept his house and guns, never got cheated while he was at work.
All his friends and family thought he was cool as hell, had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up ….. The end
Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful princess, Will you marry me? The Princess said, NO!
And the Prince lived happily ever after, rode motorcycles, hunted, fished, raced cars, went to nudie bars, dated women half his age, drank, never heard bitching nor paid child support or alimony, kept his house and guns, never got cheated while he was at work.
All his friends and family thought he was cool as hell, had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up ….. The end
I'm prepared to bet the Princess had a good life as well. No cheating husband, no attempt to control her life, who her friends were, what she could do. Never being put down in front of other people. Never being beaten - or murdered.
Yes, these are stereotypes. But no more than yours.
I'm prepared to bet the Princess had a good life as well. No cheating husband, no attempt to control her life, who her friends were, what she could do. Never being put down in front of other people. Never being beaten - or murdered.
Yes, these are stereotypes. But no more than yours.
I would have loved if it was another joke....but just the usual stuff. Never mind
Yes. The usual stuff.
So - never mind sexism?
Yes. The usual stuff.
So - never mind sexism?
Crowan lighten up. Keep your war against sexism or any other 'ism' all you like, who can stop you? Certainly not me.....It's jokes for god sake!
No. Jokes are supposed to be funny.
Strange how the words, "Lighten up. It's a joke." are supposed to excuse anything.
knock knock
"who's there?"
"Wurlitzer"
"Wurlitzer who?"
(Curls up lip) "wurlitzer one for the money, 2 for the show..."
My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were $30!
Blow this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.
When I was in the pub I heard a couple of plonkas saying that they wouldn't feel safe on an aircraft if they knew the pilot was a woman. What a pair of sexists. I mean, it's not as if she'd have to reverse the bloody thing!
Jeff asked john "What ya talkin to an envelope for?"
john replied,"I'm sending a voicemail ya thick sod!"