Lets give this a try - we'll make a virtual soap. I'll start things off, and you can feel free to add to the storyline etc. Its just a bit of fun, but try and take it seriously aswell. The soap is to be fun and bizarre things can happen, but it must also be approachable, so not too many UFO'S and the like.
So, lets go.
The story is set in the fictional area of Strawberry Hill Village. There is a church, a post office, as well as an empty shop next door to the post office. The nearest town is a 20 minute drive.
The residents:
The Cromwells at number one: Judith and her sister Edith are fanatic christians, and are always at the church, reading the bible, organising days out for the children and picnics. Edith works part time at the post office. However, they harbour a secret. They aren't really sisters. Judith and Edith are lesbians.
The Broons at number two: Theres gran broon, who is as fiesty at 70 as she was at 20. Never short of a funny one liner, and always getting into trouble and giving granpa broon a headache. She sees Edith and Judith as fuddy duddys. Their daughter Amanda lives with them, she is 34 and her husband, the local baker is 38. Richard, the baker, has a high cholestral problem. Richard has a daughter from a previous marriage, Collette is 19 and very blonde and beautiful.
The Warriors at number three: Is actually a student house. Its owned by one of the lads fathers who has just gone travelling, and the 3 boys who are 18, 25, and 31 live there for the cheap rent, getting the early bus to university.
Number four is currently for sale
The Ashmonds at number five: Live in a large property, with cobwebs and creaky floor boards. but thats how they like it, This weird family are similar to the Addams family, but not as far fetched.
there is a farm with 4 people living on it
and finally, The Harpers at number six: Business man Jack Harper comes here at the weekends with his mistress. Little do the other residents know, Jack is very rich and drawing up plans to take over Strawberry Hill Village to turn it into a health farm retreat and stables.
Fairy fought the urge to light a match. He had a flashback of the time he had caused a flight to be diverted when his emissions had ignited.
Suddenly, the Fairy Godmother appeared in front of Barry, holding aloft a . . . what was that thing she was holding? Barry peered more closely and finally realised she was offering him an incontinence pad so he could continue with the proceedings.
She stepped forward, as graceful as fairy godmothers can be in a cramped toilet cubicle, and carefully positioned the incontinence pad for Barry, before disappearing in a puff of glittery dust.
Fairy fought the urge to light a match. He had a flashback of the time he had caused a flight to be diverted when his emissions had ignited.
Fairy did what he needed to do (thanks to the glittery fairy godmother)but couldn't hold on to his desires any longer. It was after he heard the unmistakable brass tuba emissions from Maurice in the village hall he took out his box of matches from his trouser pocket and hurried to the door, his palms were sweaty from the excitement, he shook all over. He lit the match and threw it into the disembodied voices cubicle.
Cirrus was no more........It wasn’t a great explosion but then Cirrus was mostly wind anyway.
Barry Undle walked into the village hall in his lovely purple tuxedo, with pink frilly shirt and glossy white platforms, oh....and a saucer size golden medallion around his neck with an embossed representation of the wonderful ScoobySue ;), ScoobyDoo's great aunt three times removed. Barry looked the bees knees, apart from the fact that he had forgotten to remove his golden ringlets wig. But nobody was going to point it out to him; Gran Broon however could never keep a secret and started howling again.
Barry shuffled lurch-like to the trestle table (old habits), and turned to the congregation………..
The pong of rotten eggs filtrated throughout the congregation.......and everyone holding their noses. It certainly wasnt a fleury aroma.
Barry stood proud, gazing straight ahead.....TriUMPhant in his glory..he'd let one go...................................or so he thought.
However, at the entrance to the church two little boys could be seen lurking around the door frame.........and giggle, giggles giggles galore.
Uncle Pester had let Bat and Fang into his workshop and shown them how to make the most fabulous stinky bombs............and of course the adorable ones just had to let one off at the wedding of Fairy, Barry, Furry, Fondler, Undle, Thimble.
At least the stink bombs hadn't left any residue in their wake, unlike Barry...........
Barry couldn't concentrate properly on what was going on as he kept thinking about Cirrus. Was what happened earlier really the demise of Cirrus. No, he refused to believe it, better go off and have a look and hope it was only him that had left things in a mess!
eeeeyorre.....eeeyoreeee the donkey pulled up outside no 5, the passengers ready to alight from the cart at the back.
Out tumbled Frostbite and Wombat, and before they could catch their breath, Bat and Fang pounced on them and wrestled them to the ground........what fun were they going to have these holidays.
Redeyed wolf peered from behind the lamp-post, was it Little Red riding Hood he could catch a glimpse of in the cart?.......he licked his teeth.
Lorenzo tripped over, carrying an armful of Mistletoe...........he was hopeful of a bit of Christmas cheer with Amanda.........
Amanda????? Where's Amanda?????? Heavy with child and nowhere to be seen?????
But............as he lay prostrate on the ground a Red six inch stillettoed heel, stood right in front of his gaze. He followed the line of the lace up boots, to the swishing red cape, as he pulled himself up he was eye to eye with a Red haired beauty..................Satire...the Scarlet Lady had arrived for Christmas.....
Dressed in his traditional white outfit, Lorenzo was camouflaged where he fell in the snow, and Satire, the Scarlet Lady unfortunately didn't notice him, and being a bit unstable on her 6 inches of spiteful heels, tripped over him, and knocked her contrary little head on the lampost.
Lorenzo leapt to his feet, his lithe taut muscles rippling under the silk of his suit, and re-adjusted his hat. He shook off the dry, powdery snow, and pulled the Scarlet Lady up and over his thigh, looking deeply into her eyes, checking to see if her pupils were overly dilated. He grasped her shoulder.
"Satire, Satire, speak to me! ", he moaned softly into her ear. But there was no response.
In the silence of the night a police whistle blew. It was his brother, Sergio.
"I am arresting you on suspicion of murder!" said Serge.
"Murder, but bruv, how can that be?"
"Your arch-dancing competitor, Barfly Rumba, saw it all!"
But there in the background was the evil, purple tuxedoed, pink frilly shirted, white platform shoed incarnation of Barry Undle, his shoulders heaving, as he chuckled malevolently at the sight of his handsome, charming, rival being led away to the cells..............
for Barfly Rumba had plans the Scarlet Lady..........and they weren't ethical...........
Just then Satire opened her eyes only to find Barfly leering down at her.
"Fancy a squint at my conga?" drooled Barfly.
With superhuman agility Satire kicked him in the ballroom.
just want to say
went to bed last night laughing about treacles avatar/head changes, and the antics in the HP soap.
and woke this morning, to read this....and will be happy to leave for work laughing again.............what a great forum this is!!:)
Amanda was pushing a supermarket trolley up the hill ladened with rugs, rags, plastic bags, bits and bobs, trinkets, anyone would think she was a bag lady, and yet perched on top was a BABY.
Yes.....whilst everyone had prior engagements in the hall with the wedding of Furry Fondle, to Barry Humble, by Fairy Thimble....she had given birth to her love child....good job GlynisR was passing by, and helped her to Stand and Deliver. But My oh My.....how that baby could talk:031::010::019:, something about revenge........erm Karma.........erm......
But wait, Amanda spotted something going on by the lamppost.......There was a Scarlet Harlot draped over the lunging leg of her Lorenzo..........her eyes turned green.........there was only room for One Scarlet Harlot in this village. She rushed up the hill, well as fast as she could go with a metal shopping trolley that had wheels that wanted to go their own way........and plunged it at the cavorting couple, Baby jumped off and joined the boys Bat, Fang, Wombat and Frostbite who were now having a snowball fight..
It was only due to the Fleurosystemic Frontal Drop Time Warp that there was time for the arrest to take place between Amanda unleashing her shopping trolley, and it's arrival at the scene at the lampost. When she had let go her trolley, her fury had been roused by seeing the satirical Scarlet Harlot embraced by her main squeeze, Lorenzo. In the intervening five minutes, Lorenzo had been arrested for murder by his brother, and an altercation was now taking place between the evil cannibal, Barfly, and Scarlet.
Barfly, bent double, clutching his double entendres, now received the full force of the shopping trolley, which swept him along, down to the Piddle, and the pair of them, man and two-child-seat mini-trolley entwined, plunged over the end of the promenade and into the river.
Amanda, frozen for that 5 minutes, was horrified..........her hot, handsome, lover, arrested for murder!....... and now a rival on the scene......... and her trolley gone with all her shopping.........and all at a time when she hadn't quite got her figure back after giving birth a couple of hours ago!
Amanda scooped up her baby, she had decided to call him ‘Joshua’ or Joshy for short. She couldn’t go back home to No:2 because she didn’t want Richard her husband to find out about Joshy (Richard had been firing blanks ever since the accident with the parsnip and the milk bottle). She had managed to hide her pregnancy, but a baby was a little more difficult to convince everyone that it was just trapped wind.
Amanda and her new-born needed somewhere to stay. The day was drawing to a close and the light was fading. The stars were starting to twinkle in the sky, she often wondered as a child what these stars were, up above in the sky so high, she had always thought they were diamonds.
But anyway, she had lost her trolley and needed some other mode of transportation for little Joshy. She remembered Flora bundle often tied his ‘pack mule’ up at the Vodka Revolution bar when he came into the town, so off to the Revolution she went. Wondering as she walked along, who was going to let her stay the night, whose door could she knock?
‘Trumpet the Mule’ was a lowly animal, Amanda slipped Joshy into one of Trumpet’s leather side bags, the other one she noticed had perfumes and jewellery in it, off they clip clopped into the night. Amanda noticed it was a very silent night and it seemed as if there was one holy night of a storm coming in, she could hear thunder in the distance. Mind you that could have been Maurice.
She came to a B&B down Cat Pat Lane first, but already she noticed the no-vacancies sign in the window, a little deflated she trudged on……….…
Barfly/Barry/Fairy now Furry? (Wotever! Whoever! Am I bovvered?) slowly dragged himself out of the Piddle down mid-stream a little (he hoped he wouldn't get an infection from falling in the Piddle, some people had nicknamed it the 'Golden Shower' but there was nothing of value in this river Barfly had decided), “This is war!” he thought to himself as he straightened up and menacingly putting his hands on his hips. As he took a step forward he slipped on the mud, lost his feet from under him and rolled backwards, feet over head, back into the river whilst still maintaining his hands on his hips (position was everything Ballroom Barfly)!
Back in the main street Satire was most annoyed that the delicious Lorenzo was gone. She wasn’t stupid mind and she suspected there was more to this arrest than meets the eye!
She looked around for her sister Bridgette. Bridgette didn’t have the poise of Satire, there was nothing sinuous about Bridgette’s spine in fact she was a little dumpling of a lady at 4ft 1”, she was very generously curvaceous though, but unfortunately those curves started at her ankles, she rippled all the way up.
Bridgette was at that time in her life, you know what I mean girls, when you wear two pairs of glasses at the same time and then turn up for work on Monday morning but it’s actually only Sunday morning (well, that's what your male work colleagues tell you, so you go home back to bed and leave them to it, thinking you missed an opportunity for a lie in) . And when it gets really bad you forget that the red river has been flowing every four weeks or so all year round but for some reason when it flows at Christmas time you notice it and assume it’s some Devine gift from the heavens and tell everyone you are 'unique'(you’ve got to have read Fleurs menopause thread), god knows what Bridgette is going to be like when she reaches the menopause, phantom pregnancies probably!
Satire wasn’t really sure who the trolley lady was, but what did she care? She had a mission and nothing was going to stop her now!
The village Wood Warden Okey Dokey rubbed his eyes.
Digging those holes by the light of the silvery moon had been too much for him and he'd nodded off on his shovel.
:sleep:Had one heck of a nightmare.......witches flying around poking their brooms at him, flowerycups, treaclebuns,:036: Corrcirrus, and handyenchantment, flicking his ears and telling him to say a few words.............as far as he could tell........he couldnt get a word in edgeways even if he tried.
:p:002::010::031::015:,
my oh how those women could yack on.
and yet somewhere in the mix of his dreams was a vision of loveliness, a guardian Angel if he remembered rightly wearing nought but a crown of crabapples "Fear not" said she for mighty dread had ceased his troubled mind "Oakey Dokey, I shall protect thee from these unsavoury wenches 😉 , hold my hand and I'll take you there, somewhere, someway, somehow, theres a place and time for us"
Oakey was perplexed and decided to get his oracle out and interpret what it could all mean ?????????
Meanwhile, the lovely Lorenzo was sitting glumly in his prison cell, looking wistfully at that little tented blue square of sky, as the silver sails drifted by.
His brother, Sergio, knocked on the door.
"Would you like a cup of cocoa? Oh and you've got a visitor".
"Only if it's Greene and Black's."
"No. Ever since we were privatised and Barfly took over he's only bought Charbonnel and Walker. He's not into ethical chocolate."
Lorenzo sat and cursed Barfly.
The visitor turned out to be a lab-coated fleurensic scientist, a lady of a certain age, with a rose between her teeth and a freesia tucked madly behind her left ear.
"Look I'll help you out here if you just say you'll have the chocolate.", she muttered sotto voce through the bars in the cell door.
Minutes later, the lady in white was sitting on the cell bed, with her hands around Lorenzo's cup of delicious Charbonnel and Walkers hot chocolate.
"Mmmm, delicious."
"Yes, but what's their ethical policy?"
"Don't know, don't care. I just needed a chocolate fix, I was desperate. It's my age, you know. Anyway, what you need to know is that you are free to go. You are lucky I''m here. It's only because of my training in fleurensic science that I can say with all certainly as an expert witness, that Satire is not dead! Therefore you cannot have murdered her! So you can go.".
And Lorenzo got up off the bed, and walked out of the cells.
"Oy, Sergio," called the lady. "Got any of those Cadbury's Roses left ? I know Granny Broon dropped some in as a thank you for not arresting her for indecent exposure the other day!"
thankfully there had been a timely distraction.........something about a newborn child.....a scarlet woman....an arrrest........a trolly......the congregation had fled to see what was going on. So this gave Fairy the opportunity she needed
Quickly fairy fondle finished her hymn....in the best of Tammy Wynnette tunes
"" Stand by your men..........give them two arms to cling to""
Then
"do you take hairy fairy thimble undle furry barry arry carry to be your awful wedded husbands"
" I do"
then I pronounce you all married......mission accomplished....she/they had married themselves....dead easy when you know how.
Satire wasn’t really sure who the trolley lady was, but what did she care? She had a mission and nothing was going to stop her now!
Satire the Scarlet Harlot and Bridgette her sister walked to the Village Hall to look at the notice board. They had come for a purpose and they knew the Village Hall was their first port of call. They sifted through the notices on the noticeboard:
Mature but keen Life Model available for work,
all work considered.
Please contact Gran Broon at no:2.
……………………………………………………………….
Stable Hand seekin luv
I am 37, strong teef, wiv carrot fetish
contak Nellie at Torkin Ned's Stabuls
Stalion with big personalitee 😉 prefered
but Mares can apply, i'm not fusee!
(I do a grate Wet Fish massage tooo xx)
........................................................
1 day Naturist Summer Massage Course
please contact Mr Ivor Biggun
at the Morning Glory Sun Worshippers Lodge
in Bell Street for more information
or send an application request with photo
and ‘covering letter’ to
Ms A. Prude
PO Box 69
Forever Goinn Downs
1UV 5EX
(Winter courses also available, please contact Mr P.P. Shrink)
………………………………………………………………
Bridgette found it, “Here it is Satire!” She pointed to the A5 lilac sheet:
………………………………………………………………
Strawberry Hill
Strictly Dancing Or Else Fest’
6pm till late
Free pop and sausage rolls, 50p per head.
First prize:
Two weeks all expenses paid
holiday to any Travel Lodge of your choice
(Supplement required-£49 per night)
Second Prize:
4 course meal at the Veg-iner Diner
(Supplement required-£14 x 6)
Third Prize:
115 kg parsnips from Flora Bundles
ethical Pig Farm
(own wheelbarrow, wellies and garden fork a must)
Please contact Barfly Rumba
For more details.
Satire and Bridgette looked at each other, they had waited a whole year for this Dance Fest, they were ready!!!! They were going to give that Barfly Rumba a run for his money. "He had better keep his Conga where it won't get trod on!" thought Satire.
Satire and Bridgette loved dancing.......the only problem was, when they danced together due to the lack of willing male partypants....Satire was sinewy, tall and flexible.......and bridgette was as wide as she was short.........they looked like an exclamation mark together!
As Lorenzo strolled past the Vodka Revolution Bar on his way home, he heard the rhythmic beat of the Rumba calling out in short bursts as the doors opened and closed. In the moonless darkness of the night in Strawberry Hill, the bar sparkled like Christmas, and the reflections from the lights inside bounced back off the Piddle.
Barfly Rumba owned the bar, and was now Lorenzo’s sworn enemy, after putting him in prison. Lorenzo found his ethical policy of non-ethical cannibalism abhorrent, even if so far no-one had been eaten…..although there had been a couple of disappearances which he and Sergio, the village bobbies, had never been able to clear up. Strange old place, Strawberry Hill, he thought.
Even so, Lorenzo found that the beat of the music, which found an echo in the beat of his heart, pulled him into the Bar……..it was impossible to resist the crazy rhythm……..
As he walked through the doors he read the Notice , "Strictly Come Dancing or Else.........." and in very small letters which so far no-one had noticed.........."you die!
The evil Barfly sat enthroned as part of a judging panel on the side of the stage. Mwoohaha, he thought evilly to himself, as he plotted and schemed and even consulted Gray's Anatomy as he planned exactly which cut would be the best to start with on the failed dancers.........But the rest of the judging panel had their own ideas about how the competition should go......
As was normal in the Fens for these types of events, everyone turned up to the Dance Fest.
Judith and Edith Cromwell from no:1 turned up in their ballroom attire, Judith in her beautiful cream crinoline dress and Rudolph deelyboppers; Edith proudly wore her brown tuxedo, cream silk shirt and bow tie.
Gran and Granpa Broon in their disco threads; Granpa broon had his bellbottom dark jeans; dark maroon tight t-shirt; red, blue, orange and white stripped tank top; his lime green converse trainers; yellow headband and his wide rimmed sunglasses finished off his ensemble nicely. Now Gran wanted to emulate her love of the 70’s dance group Hot Gossip: she had her silver sequin glitter two-piece on, this consisted of a cropped top and tiny hipster hot pants; silver glittery leg warmers and silver roller skates. She had a red glitter ziggy-stardust lightening strike over her eye and her hair in a main of curls that had a radius of nearly 4ft.
Barfly Rumba sat on his throne, around the other judges. Maurice Morris the human trombone, Jack Harper cad and entrepreneur and Father O’Neill (Father Aloysius had tried his best to get out of the judging because he wanted to enter the Limbo event but Barfly had offered a 4 figure donation to the new church bell fund. The Church for All Modern Day Sinners had been fund raising for two years now for a new bell in the End Tower. This was a special bell because legend had it that it was this bell that rang to announce the return of the infamous Knight Sir Cliff Pilchards from his Summer Holiday crusade, they wrote a song about it! The ‘Bell End Tower Fund’ (it was supposed to be ‘End Tower, Bell Fund’ but the flyers had been printed and paid for, so ‘Bell End Tower Fund’ it was) needed another £10.01 and Barfly had offered this very amount and Father O’Neill couldn’t decline. So he planned to do a ‘modern expression exhibition dance' at the end of the evening as the closing event; he had ordered a Kylie ‘I just can’t get you out of my head' white one-piece hoody suit for the occasion.)
Satire and Bridgette entered the Vodka Revolution and collected their competition numbers. The Revolution was full with people watching and taking part. Barfly was the head judge but had also given himself permission to enter the Disco dance section, he had a feeling in his waters that he was going to do well and that feeling was a 'Burning Victory' feeling!
The dancing competition was well underway now.
Jason the Pig wrestler had won the American Smooth, he didn’t have a partner so he had borrowed Father Aloysius O’Neill’s blow-up sheep (part of the nativity display, of course;)). The judges were very impressed with his improvisation with the sheep and were particularly impressed with his passionate spooning upper body rolls. Father O'Neill scored Jason a '9'.
Judith and Edith’s Waltz was a spectacle; they didn’t win but should have been given a prize for the most cringe-worthy routine. They didn’t put many a foot wrong really and they were dead serious all the way round, their rise and fall action was superb. But what let the routine down just a tad was the way that when Edith placed Judith in hold at the beginning of the routine and pulled Judith towards her the very rigidly boned crinoline skirt was pushed in at the front which then forced the back of the skirt to go up and out revealing Judith’s medical need to go commando today (she had very sensitive skin and certain loo roll always brought poor Judith out in a very itchy, blotchy red rash which made Judith's 'nervous digestion' issues from this morning very apparent). They were definitely the best in the Waltz section but no one could ‘bare’ to watch for too long.
By far the most coveted award was for the Disco section. The floor filled with contestants for this dance. This was a ‘free dance’ and contestants were not restricted on moves at all. The music started to play ‘Kung Foo Fighting’.
Everyone started to do their thing. Jason burst in on the scene, karate chopping all over the place with his sheep; he wasn’t entered in the Disco section but couldn’t resist it when the music started to play. Unfortunately he didn't warm up properly since the American Smooth and pulled a muscle in his back after one very high jumping, lamb chopping karate action (the sheep burst and was ruined, which didn’t impress Father O’Neil at all ("how many times had this happened to him when he had been pumping it up," he thought), he scored Jason a ‘1’). Jason had to be stretchered off. A lovely cup of tea and a ‘there, there never mind my dear’ awaited him from one of his fans in the cloakroom; why she had a very large empty Horse Nuts sack and thick rope tucked behind her seat is another story, think it had something to do with some very dodgy advice he gave her once!
Gran Broon started whirring around the room on her skates while Granpa Broon stood in the centre of the room shaking his one good hip up and down while doing the Macarena (in fact that was all he did and very good it was too), Gran continued to circle the room putting her pilates training into force again. Which like her Carnival bareback riding efforts was very impressive but the unfortunate thing was that she hadn’t got a horse to lead the way this time. Due to the Door Attendants seeing Gran spinning towards them at speed with one leg wrapped around her neck and arms stretched out backwards (this was her ‘Swan Taking Off’ move) they opened the doors and out she flew. Everyone knew Gran was unpredictable and so they started clapping, assuming this was part of the act, Gran admitted in her Autobiography years later (it became a ‘top shelf’ publication, due to the explicit naturist pilates pictures) that she had got her leg stuck around her neck because her rollerskate had become entwined in her hair and she couldn’t stop, she nearly ended up in the Piddle but for the new fence Barfly had had erected to stop runaway trolleys.
(The Town Council hadn’t been too keen on the idea of a fence around the Piddle, they had only just very recently changed the rivers name from the ‘River Frotting’ (post #26) because Jack Harper had wanted to acknowledge his love of everything Danish and his love of dogs. On his last visit to Denmark he had only learnt the word ‘teasel’ which is apparently the word to ask your dog to go and do his business outside but the Town Council didn’t want a foreign word so settled on ‘Piddle’ after a very boring Town Council cold buffet luncheon and photocopying event that Jack had paid for and had threatened to publish the photocopy pictures if he didn’t get his way. (Saint Germain Again thread post #25 onwards:p))
Barfly had been told the music was going to be ‘Dancing Queen by Abba’ and so he felt a little silly in his gold backless, high legged (Gran Broon had given him a wonderful Brazilian wax that morning), corseted leotard and his 3ft high, fake peacock feather plumes headdress, but he was determined to make the best of it……………
(Another post by Cirrus, sorry, but it is my birthday!:cool:)
Barfly threw his arms out to his sides and started to shimmy around in a circle, he decided at this point that the support knickers Gran Broon had lent him were not that supportive at all, but he didn’t want to ‘drop the ball’ of concentration and shimmied on. . His mandatory ballroom grimace, showing all three of his pearly whites dazzled the audience.
He shimmied all the way round back to position 1 and started his body popping, this was an improvisation from Barfly, he thought it suited the ‘Kung Foo Fighting’ music better. He pulled a rose out from the back of his leotard (the rose had worked its way down to his lower regions. The audience had been wondering what the lumpy bit in his pants was and were glad to see it was only a rose, but what had made their initial shock worse was that Barfly had forgotten to remove the thorns and as he pulled the rose out he made some very expressive, scary faces (while still trying to maintain his ballroom grimace!)).
He put the rose in his mouth and moonwalked backwards over to Father O’Neill and handed him the rose. Father O’Neil looked around in embarrassment and attempted a smile but the ‘Yuk’ factor was very obvious. Barfly continued moonwalking on the spot nodding at the rose, trying to indicate to Father O’Neill to take it. Father O’Neil reluctantly pulled a hanky out of his jacket pocket and took the rose; he looked at the rose for a second, couldn’t resist a little hesitant sniff (which gained a couple of groans from the audience) and quickly placed it on the desk. Barfly gave Father O’Neill a big wink and in a Wayne Sleep type movement leaped back into the middle of the floor……..
Satire and Bridgette were doing their thing in the top corner of the room. Satire and Bridgette’s forte was a balancing act. Satire faced Bridgette and they took hold of each others arms just above the wrist, Bridgette bent at her knees and lent backwards. Satire climbed up onto Bridgette’s knees and through her sheer strength slowly pulled herself up into a handstand, Bridgette straightened herself up and pushed Satire above her head, their signature ‘Exclamation Mark’ was achieved. Everyone started to cheer and clap.
As Barfly attempted to land from his Wayne Sleep leap his peacock feather plumes headdress had been pulled back with such g-force the chin strap was pulled very tight, cutting off Barfly’s oxygen supply momentarily. He turned purple, his eyes bulged and tongue protruded. He landed awkwardly which meant he missed his next step and went straight into his ‘forward roll into the splits’. Give Barfly his due though, the forward roll was very difficult considering the 3ft headdress! In practice three months ago he had got it terribly wrong and ended up in a neck brace over the weekend.
Barfly continued but realised when he came out of his backwards roll that people were not looking at him, he turned quickly to see where everyone’s attention was aimed. His ballroom grimace flickered slightly and if you had been close enough you would have seen the tiny flames burning in his pupils (one of the lesser known side effects of having reoccurring conjunctivitis). Barfly’s rage swirled within his bladder, no one was going to take his 3 years consecutive, Strawberry Hill, Strictly Dancing or Else Fest, Overall Champion Chalice (sponsored by P. Stains - Urinals and Domestics) away from him..…………
Papa Ashdowne gazed out towards the captivated audience. He was well known for his splendid smoking Jackets and tonights spectacular Dance Fest gave him the opportunity to wear his Christmas Gift especially commisioned by his adoring wife... Bridgette. His new gown billowed with dry ice....mere mortals would have been "mortified" had this manufactured compound come anywhere near their skin, but Papa was no ordinary man.
Brittle Bridgette held on to her dear sister......she felt a swoon coming on......Papa Ashdowne looked so handsome. She 4ft 1" round and high, sometimes had to pinch herself, couldnt beleive she had captured such a fine figure of a man.
"Ladies and Gentleman...if I may have your attention pleeeaaasee" said papa Ashdowne.
Most of the participants of the Strictly Dancing or Else fest were composing themselves with bated breath in the room under the stage, waiting the judges verdict.
"For your entertainment and delight, my dear friend Sunny D, has introduced us tonight to these wonderful Dancing Aboriginal Greek Imitating wonderboys......( a drumroll from Holy-Lastic in the corner).....all the way from another place........I give you.....The Chokkies"
The formation dancers took the centre of the room, each body popping........Satire was sooo impressed with their flexibilities. They waved and weaved their bodies to Zorba the Greek as if they had no inhibitions. They certainly had hip rhythm.............Satires favourite kind of movement;)