WHY we should stop using the word "Why"

Hello all!

I've been thinking for a while about posting a series of weekly (or thereabouts) exercises on this forum to achieve two things: i) to help people better understand various areas of their life they want to improve in some way, and ii) to encourage discussion amongst members so as to open up ideas, experiences, and anything else that offers value, etc. Any feedback welcome, provided it's constructive of course.

You'll find the first exercise below ... although very simple, it can seriously transform the way we create and handle questions.

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Why We Should Stop Using The Word “Why”

How do we feel when someone comes at us with a “Why” question, e.g. “Why haven’t you done …?” “Why do you always … ?“ or “Why do you never …?” Immediately we’re made to feel like we’re the one at fault - we’re the one with the ‘problem’. In turn, it becomes easy for us to jump on the defensive, perhaps retaliating out of anger or closing up through insecurity. By nature, it’s the same when we ask it of someone else, e.g. “Why do you always get it wrong?” and also when we ask it of ourselves, e.g. “Why do I keep making that same mistake?” The result? Asking “Why” risks inciting and is counter-productive. The solution? To come from a place of understanding so as to invite the other party to share more easily and openly.

Are You:

Always Asking “Why?” Of Other People (Or Yourself)?
Guilty Of Constantly Coming Across As Angry And Accusatory?
Feeling Yourself Getting More And More Stressed As A Result?

Do You Want To:

Learn How To Help Others Become More Receptive To You
Gain Their Trust And Support
Discover The Benefits Of Applying This Within Yourself Too

By moving from a place of accusation to a place of encouragement, we automatically invite ourselves and others to be more sharing and open. In other words, by making the change within, we create the change without. Key to this is transforming both our mindset and our choice of words – only then can we detach ourselves from the feelings of anger and frustration that we all too easily allow ourselves to attract.

How do we achieve this? Simple – we swap the word “Why” for something more open, e.g. “What are the reasons for … ?” “What happened to make …?” “For what reason …?” Once in this habit, we develop a more productive mindset and set of feelings. Not only do these radiate within us, they also reach out into our environment and invite constructive dialogue that reaps reward as opposed to condemnation. Result – we feel more open and accepting of ourselves and encourage others to feel the same – it’s as simple as that.

INQUIRY: Take a look back over the last few days at the number of occasions where you used a “Why” question. What kind of feeling did you associate with it? What kind of response did you receive? How much better could it have been had you been more understanding?

ACTION: For the next thirty days, stop yourself from asking “Why” and adopt a warmer approach. Get in touch with the way you’re feeling and notice how it radiates out. Listen to those who respond to you. Develop this more and more each day and watch how your relationships grow.

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And yes, you're right in noticing there's a "Why" in the exercise title, but that's purely for effect ... I can honestly say that as a word, I've used it only once as the basis of a question in over a year ... it really works.

Happy feedbacking ...

Simon