A few years ago I quit my admin job after a long period of depression which I blamed on problems at work. However I knew at the time that I’d also let work take over my life, so when I looked for another job I went for a lower graded part-time role. I thought that a job with less responsibility, that I could leave behind at the end of the day was the answer to my problems. I quickly became bored with the lack of challenges, and was flattered when offered a promotion that took me back up to the level I had been working at in the previous job. It was still a part-time role, so I thought I was still keeping a better work/life balance.
That role has evolved and expanded over the past five years and I’ve enjoyed the new challenges and responsibilities, and if I’m honest each new responsibility I accept somehow validates me and makes me feel good about myself, so I seek out more responsibility.
The problem is I think I’m back in the same position I was in the last job. I bring work home because I have so much to do it’s the only way I can try to keep up. If I’m not actually working I’m thinking about it. I feel I’m working really hard and putting in lots of effort, but the more I do the more I feel I’m taken for granted, and then I feel resentful. I compare myself to others who I feel don’t work as hard as I do, yet they earn more money and don’t have as much work piled on them as I do.
I started thinking that I should increase my hours to try to keep up with the workload. Whilst I don’t really want to do that, the extra money seems attractive. In reality I know that the more hours I do, the more work I’ll be given, so the problem won’t really be resolved. There's not really any chance of sharing out responsibilities within the team as there's only one other admin worker who is a much lower grade than me and therefore it's inappropriate for me to pass my work to her, plus she's got more than enough work herself. The others in the team are professionals.
I’ve just had a week's leave just to get a break. A colleague contacted me yesterday to say that while I’ve been off some of the others in the office have complained about the office layout and consequently my desk has been moved. I’m no longer near the window with natural light and fresh air, which are important to me, but in the darkest corner furthest from the window. To make matters worse, those who are now near the window, due to the nature of their work, only spend about an hour at day at their desks and the rest of the time they are out of the office. I can see some of the reasons for moving the desks around for the others benefit, but at the same time I want to say ‘what about me!’
I’ve got myself into a right mess about this now. I couldn’t sleep last night and I’m feeling sorry for myself. I feel like throwing my toys out the pram and screaming ‘it’s not fair’. But when others in the office behave like that I think it’s pathetic. Part of me says accept the desk move, rise above it and just get on with my work, but another part says if others get what they want by complaining to the boss, then I should play that game too.
I think there’s a wider issue here, that I’m letting work take over my life again. I say yes to every responsibility I’m given because I like to keep people happy and it makes me feel important, but I know I’m just being taken for granted.
So in a very roundabout, muddled, way, I think the problems are all mine. I need to stop trying to please others and spend more time on my interests instead of work. Then I surely won’t resent others and get myself in a state over silly things like an office move around.
I’d be interested to know what others think.
Ali
I get a strong sense that you are not following your path. You are supposed to be doing something else.
What makes your heart sing? Are you fulfilled in your current role? Is it really what you want to do and picture yourself doing?
What would you really like to do?
hello ali
i work with a way of being able to sense/perceive life energy (ki/chi), both in the body and in the environment. it sounds like you've got a lot to deal with at the moment, so maybe some simple easy to apply tips will provide you with some relief - although i think maybe you would benefit from someone taking a deeper look with you at what's underneath the day-to-day goings on.
everything thats going on 'out there' (the workload the people the desk) is a reflection of what's going on inside you.. a reflection of your energy..
if you've trouble at work - be it too much work or too little - than your work ki (or chi) is out of balance.. if you've people acting negatively towards you - then your helpful people ki is out of balance.. fortunately there are ways in which you can cultivate these life energies. i don't know if you know much about feng shui, and i normally refrain from applying blanket remedies & rules (as your environment is an extension of your energy & what suits one may not suit another) but i feel you may be being adversely effected by your environment.
your work: check the north sector in each room of your living space. this is the direction where your work energy flows into your home & your energy field. the elements which beckon work ki are metal / water / blue. So no plants, no fire, no stone ornaments - as these can adversely effect the flow of your work ki. find a metal framed picture of the sea for example, or a metal ornament of a dolphin..
helpful people: the north-west sector is the direction responsible for your helpful people ki (a real energy!), and the elements here are metal / crystal / machines / yellow. So again, no wood, plants or fire. computers & printers are great here! maybe try a yellow picture in a metal frame.
your environment is only one part of the solution, but when your environment supports you, you may find you receive more of the help you need to move through your difficult situation.
with love and energy,
natalie
Thanks for your replies Rosi and Natalie.
You are right, Rosi, I am not fulfilled in my current role. I thought I enjoyed my work, but I think really I enjoy being given more responsibilities because then other people will hopefully see that I'm doing a proper job. I've always felt other people look down on me for being 'just' a secretary. I think people assume I've been a secretary because I'm not capable of doing something 'more important', and consequently I like to show that I am capable of more. Each new non-admin responsibility I'm given makes me feel more worthy, but the rest of the team still treat me as 'just' a secretary.
I know that using other people's views of me to valuate myself is daft. I need to value myself for me.
What I'd really like to do is work for myself, have wanted to do that for years. After the period of depression several years ago I got interested in complementary therapies, and over the past 4 years I've qualified in aromatherapy, body massage, IHM and reflex. I would love to work from home as a therapist, but that's not practical in our current tiny terraced house. So I'm sort of stuck as I can't afford to leave my salaried job either. But next year there is a possibility of being able to rent a room in a new wellbeing centre on my day off (I work 4 days a week at the moment), so I'm aiming to do that and hopefully I'll be successful enough to be able to expand therapy and reduce my hours in my salaried job. I have wondered that if I increase my hours in my current job I could save the extra money towards building my practice in the future.
I guess I need to concentrate on what I'm working towards and not let the minutiae of the interim period get me down.
Thanks for the feng shui tips, Natalie. I will look at those areas in my home. Should I use the same principles in my office space too? I have some yellow crystals I will use to help balance my helpful people ki.
Ali
yes - you can apply it to any space in which you spend time in.
best wishes, and may you find heart-warming soul-shining work in which to enjoy yourself!
natalie
Hi Ali, You are already well on your way to eventually work for yourself doing something that is very fulfilling.
Keep on visualising your dream and it will happen, and focus less on the work that you are doing now, because eventually you won't be doing any of that.
I guess I need to concentrate on what I'm working towards and not let the minutiae of the interim period get me down.
That's exactly right what you've written above. If you can remain detached you would find the environment easier to cope with, and it isn't going to be forever as you are intending to work in holistic therapies, so don't be too hard on yourself and keep visualising and manifesting your dreams.
Good luck!:)
Work has been quite unpleasant this week, and this morning I felt a huge sense of dread when I got up. As I got nearer to leaving for work I felt sick and was shaky. I knew I couldn't go in to work like that so stayed home. I've spoken to boss and told her how I feel and tomorrow we're meeting to hopefully sort things out. I still feel unhappy about the way this has been handled and it's left me feeling completely unappreciated and taken for granted.
I have an unhealthy relationship with work. I've assumed that putting in extra hours and helping people out with their work will buy me respect. In reality the fact that I can't say no means people just keep taking advantage of me and I'm feeling very negative about it all.
How do I start to turn this relationship around? How do I start to value me and put my needs first? How do I say no at the end of the day when I'm leaving and the boss asks me to produce part of her presentation that she has to give at 8.15am the next day. I'm worried that if I start to say no people will be unhappy with me and won't like me.
Ali