Ok, here it is, I am learning to be assertive, how to say no, to laugh again and to make goals (somethings to aim for). My problem now is most times I dont feel motivated. I know there are things to be done, but I feel there is no point. I am a tidy person, infact the only person in our household! I love my house to be clean and tidy, but with 5 others in the house that dont really bother or help to keep it tidy, I feel like I am wasting my time, time I could spend doing things that I would like to do, instead of constantly having to clean. I know at this point you will probably say, make them do something, or put your foot down, or go on strike. The strike is what I have been doing, but its not me! I am houseproud, not to the point that you couldnt sit on my sofa's without me covering them first, I just like tidyness and cleanliness. The problem now is that I feel there is no point in spending 2 - 3 hours cleaning the house up from top to bottom, only to find that my family will come home to mess it all up again, and then think ' oh well, mum will do it'. Im losing my motivation to do things. I feel so pleased with myself when I've done these things, but only to be made like it was all worth nothing. Why does this happen, why am I losing my motivation? Its not just my house, it's motivation for other things, like going out again with friends (those I have left), like finding a job, although in my soul I feel I won't find one, because of lack of experience or being out of work for such long time. I feel numb, my mind wants to go forth, but my body just seizes.
RE: Motivation
Michelle
I am going to take a radical approach in answering your posting and I know that you will understand my point. And then it will be interesting to see what others have to say too.
You said...
The problem now is that I feel there is no point in spending 2 - 3 hours cleaning the house up from top to bottom, only to find that my family will come home to mess it all up again, and then think ' oh well, mum will do it'. Im losing my motivation to do things. I feel so pleased with myself when I've done these things, but only to be made like it was all worth nothing.
As a parent I know what you mean and my wife at times says exactly the same things. But... what you do is not for them; actually you are doing it for yourself. You see Michelle, it is important that we focus on our needs just as much as other people's needs. If I do something I do it hoping that it may benefit others and , in a sense, not expecting anything in return. If I were, and that return does not arrive, I get frustrated and demotivated as you are sounding now. That is the problem!
What we do we should be doing it because we love doing it, because, as you say for example, you want to be hopuseproud. Do things because they are important to you, never mind the others.
Having said that, it does take time and patience to motivate others to do the same. Is it a matter of training them? No, not really. I feel at times that it is a matter of motivation. My eldest daughter Lara is very very tidy and she loves everything in its proper place and she cleans her own room.
The younger one, Naomi, is ... well her room is often like a bombed shell! So we motivate her to tidy up. How? By sharing with her, without critising her, the "beneficial effects" of tidyness. We give value to supporting mum and dad who work both long hours and hard in the running of the house, that she is an important part of the family and that therefore we expect her contribution too. And that is at times she wants treats.... welll, the first question would be... how is your room?
Why does this happen, why am I losing my motivation? Its not just my house, it's motivation for other things, like going out again with friends (those I have left), like finding a job, although in my soul I feel I won't find one, because of lack of experience or being out of work for such long time. I feel numb, my mind wants to go forth, but my body just seizes.
Well Michelle, this is a BIG one! I will need to come back to you on this one better and more and I am sure that all the other people on this forum will be able to share their thoughts. having said this feeling de-motivated at times is normal, even i get so at times.
Why does it happen? For a variety off reasons: stress, lack of confidence, fear to leave the comfort zone, lack of clarity on the task at hand and/or yourself, lack of the right focus and many more.
What can you do? Quite a few things. But let me give you some quick ... motivational boost for now.
You can do, for starters, three things:
1. Focus on the wonderful person that you are and on your wonderful abilities and skills; find thee richness that you are within you and focus on that.
2. Focus on the task at hand and see the importance and the value of it for what it means to you. See above as well.
3. Surround yourself with positive, uplifting "things2 that will build up your confidence and not drag it down.
More suggestions later on. Take care.
RE: Motivation
Michelle,
I found this one really interesting.... As I am 27 and have moved back home (poor Mum & Dad!! :D) I have always had a messy room & it has always driven my Mum crazy! [:@] Thinking about what Alex has said, it is true the more Mum shouted at me the more I just felt she was nagging.... So it became a bit of a battle between us.
Now the tidiest person I know, when he was younger his Mum used to give him treats if his room was tidy. The tidier it was the bigger the treat! Now this guy used to go to the extent of his hangers all going in the same direction and his clothes colour co-ordinated!! [&:] Although he's not that bad now, he still takes pride in being tidy & it has become 2nd nature to tidy as he goes along!
I am now going to make an effort to keep my room tidy [sm=scratchchin.gif] (I hang my head in shame - LOL!!!) 🙁
Good luck! [sm=hug.gif]
RE: Motivation
Talking of motivation, take a read at this that a friend of mine sent me some time ago.
4 powerful ways to fire up your motivation
by Michael Lee, CPA
It’s so difficult to go on when everything seems to fail, isn’t it? Are there times in your life when you really want to call it “quits” because you just can’t see any good results from all the hard work you’ve done?
Hold your horses! Never ever think of giving up. Winners never quit and quitters never win. Take all negative words out of your mental dictionary and focus on the solutions with utmost conviction and patience. The battle is never lost until you’ve abandon your vision.
But what if you’re really exhausted physically, mentally, and most of all emotionally? Here are some sources of motivation to prompt you in reaching the peak of accomplishment.
1) The overwhelming feeling of attaining your desired end
How would you feel after accomplishing your mission? Of course you will feel ecstatic. You might be shedding tears of joy. Let this tremendous feeling sink in and encourage you to persist despite all odds.
When I was studying for the Board Exams, I used this technique to motivate me. I would envision the sweetness of folks calling me a CPA. It would command respect. People will look up to me as a higher level of authority. And I would have better chances of finding a good job. I absorbed all these great perceptions into my inner being in order to achieve my ultimate goal.
2) The reward system
How would you feel if you’ve entered a contest, but there are no prizes for the winners? It’s not very encouraging, isn’t it?
The same principles apply to your vision. Reward yourself after accomplishing a goal. Set a particular incentive for every objective.
Let’s say if you’ve achieved a particular task, you’ll treat yourself to your favourite restaurant. When you’ve finished a bigger task, you’ll go on a vacation. Got the idea? Just set something gratifying to indulge in after completing a certain undertaking.
3) The powerful force of humanity
If you want to succeed, surround yourself with the right kind of people who will support and encourage you all the way. Be with people who have the same beliefs and aspirations as yours. Positive aura is generated by this fusion of collective energy from people of “like minds.”
On the contrary, being with people who oppose your ways of thinking may trigger a negative, yet very powerful, kind of motivation. Has anyone ever said to you that “You’ll never get anywhere” or “You’re wasting your time with what you’re doing?”
Didn’t it made you furious and determined enough to prove to them how wrong they were? This is what I’m talking about. When aggravated, you will do anything to make those who are against you swallow their words. But of course, your main focus should be on the accomplishment of your goal and not for the purpose of revenge. Never let your emotions toward others alter your main objective.
4) Take care of your health
Exercise regularly. Fill your brains with enough oxygen to allow you to do your daily tasks with more vigour and energy. Take regular breaks if time allows. Having the will power to continue despite all hardships is extremely important, but you should still know your limits. If you don’t take enough rest, you will not be able to think clearly and you will not be able to do your tasks properly.
In the process, you will just get more frustrated. Take sufficient sleep and recharge yourself after a hard day’s work. Never, ever ignore your health. I’ve learned my lesson when I sacrificed my health for the sake of success. I’ve worked very long hours everyday and just got minimal sleep. As a result, I became ill. It’s not worth it. Success won’t matter if you don’t have good health to enjoy it.
Fire up your motivation and live life to the fullest!
Note for who ever is interested
This article was sent to me personally by the author himse
RE: Motivation
Hi All
I'm not quite sure exactly what I have been doing recently, but the last couple of weeks have been good. I say good as its not entirely great yet. I still have moments where I feel I'm just not motivated, but that is just a mere few days compared to what I used to be like. Alot of it I think is just thinking about all my worries etc, I've found that if I dont think about that, I tend to be up and about doing all sorts and end up feeling really good. Two days ago, I was sitting here thinking about our financial problems (which is being sorted now), and just felt down and lost in a completely different world!
I think if I keep my brain active with nice things, I tend to be more motivated. I guess this is what it all boils down to.
RE: Motivation
Michelle,
remember that everything takes time to be built. So.... give it time. One thing though...
Alot of it I think is just thinking about all my worries
Ah, that is the issue! You see Michelle, until you fill your brain and your heart with "negative" messages it will be difficult to move on very fast and very far. The important thing is to make sure that your brain works on PMA, positive mental attitude. That is the secret of breakthroughs!
RE: Motivation
Hi Alex,
slight typo here think;);)
until you fill your brain and your heart with "negative" messages it will be difficult to move on very fast and very far.
Rocky.
RE: Motivation
Hi Rockys
Even I didnt notice that one!!
RE: Motivation
Hi Michelle,
ORIGINAL: KiraBIra
I say good as its not entirely great yet. I still have moments where I feel I'm just not motivated, but that is just a mere few days compared to what I used to be like.
it probably never will be "entirely great" then perfection is seldom reached, but as long as you feel good then "It is good" and that is what counts, you know you can do it.
Alot of it I think is just thinking about all my worries etc, I've found that if I dont think about that, I tend to be up and about doing all sorts and end up feeling really good.
We all have our worries, and a lot of have the same worries the problem is only when we let them take over our whole life. There is a time to sort out our worries and a time to leave them aside. Just get the balance.
Two days ago, I was sitting here thinking about our financial problems (which is being sorted now), and just felt down and lost in a completely different world!
If you let these get you down then you tend not to get it sorted, if you are motivated then it is a lot easier to face a problem, because then you have the determination to get it sorted. there are always at least 2 ways up the mountain the sheer face that is frightening and the road that snakes up, the sheer face is shorter but not easy the serpentine may be 20 times longer but more managable.
I think if I keep my brain active with nice things, I tend to be more motivated. I guess this is what it all boils down to.
Wahey there you go.
Rocky.
RE: Motivation
Rocky & Mchelle
actually that was not a typo but I have possibly did not express myself well enough. What I meant was that IF you fill your mind and heart with negative thinking then the outcome can only be negative. But if you change your negativity to positivity then.... eberything is possible!
Apologies for not being clear enough guys.
RE: Motivation
Hi Alex,
yes I see what you mean, the typo was UNTIL not NEGATIVE, if I had not let my brain trick me when reading I would have noticed it:)
We all know what it can be like filling up with I can'ts and so on, and they do restrict us quite heavily if we don't catch them in time.
Rocky.
RE: Motivation
Rocky
We all know what it can be like filling up with I can'ts and so on, and they do restrict us quite heavily if we don't catch them in time.
That's it! It is actually amazing to hear what people say they can't do or can't achieve.
I coach people all day and the number of people who are so good in spotting limitations, hence the other thread posted recently, but are equally so blind to see their strengths and value.
Any idea as to why this is?