Hello,
I hope maybe you can help me, or offer some advice. This is a bit long-winded, but I have a problem that I don't seem to be able to change, or get to the bottom of: most of the time I seem 'happy' not to push myself forward in any aspect of my life. I have my own holistic therapy business, and I plough on, knowing what I should do to increase my customer base, but not getting around to doing it. I have a background in marketing, so I know exactly what I should be doing, but when I set myself deadlines, they inevitably slide, with an, "Oh well, never mind," attitude. I get very angry with myself, but I'm almost sabotaging myself. When I don't have clients, I'm a huge fan of procrastination, and then beat myself up over time I've lost doing unimportant things/chores.
I've tried to analyse this, wondering whether I'm afraid of the potential success that the hard work would bring, or whether I'm just inherently lazy. I have a good, intelligent brain, but I don't know why I'm doing this.
It shows in other aspects of my life, too: I used to be a girly swot for the first 2 years at secondary school, even asking for homework when none was given, and all work was handed in before it was due. Then I got my exam results, in the region of 98%-99% for some subjects. I think I had the sudden realisation that I could 'walk it', so stopped putting in the effort. I did my homework, but did minimal revision, my GCSEs being a row of average C grades (apart from one A). I was very musical as well, playing the violin form the age of 7. My teacher told me I had to put in at least 1/2 an hour of practise a day. I never did this, yet at my lesson the following week, she'd tell me I had improved greatly. This told me that I never really had to put the effort in, because I'd get by on my little bit of talent. Over the last few years I took singing lessons, and I'd get the same thing: "You should practise every day," and I wouldn't do it, and then I'd be told I'd improved anyway. Is this why? Do I just think that I can coast on, and achieve the same results without putting any effort in? And if so, what can I do to increase my motivation and get out of this horrible practice?
It seems I only get motivated when the wolf's at the door - I found out this morning that I have an horrendous personal overdraft that has just reached its limit, and my business account had a small overdraft who's inflated charges have swallowed £800 in wages that I then couldn't pay myself.
So, to go back to the subject heading, is there any hope for me? What can I do to make me apply myself? It's not rocket science, I do want a successful business, and I know what I should do, but I never get around to doing it. When other people (local small business advisers) set me deadlines for certain grant-related things, I get very stressed and resentful that I have to do this for them, as if, "This is my business, I'll tell you when I can get things done," but it's not like I get them done if I set the goals for myself.
I'd welcome any advice you can give me, I want and need to change this limiting character fault. Thank you so much in advance,
RE: Is there any hope for me?
Hi there,
I am sorry you find things hard to motivate your self to do but i would suggest you work with someone you like and /or enjoy the responses you get from your clients. If they enjoy what you do you could motivate yourself by ensuring you give this to others.
I am a therapist and find it is hard to push myself sometimes but i love seeing results in others and for other therapist. So i now work with someone else and just keep my spirits up by looking to the good i do and know i can do for others.
Hope this helps, you could put your business skills to work for a co-operative or just a group of therapist you enjoy seeing (or long distance via the net) i know i could do with some advice!!!!
Warm regards, be well and at peace
Helen
RE: Is there any hope for me?
Red Bess
the answer to your question is a resounding and loud.... YES! Absolutely!
To start with there is always hope if.... people want to change. So, provided that you are ready to change your present self-limiting beliefs and your behaviour, you can certainly change.
One of the changes will have to be in the procrastination. The asiest way to do that is by setting yourself clear, achievable, time framed goals (see the Goals thread for more info).
Once you have set thse goals you can then move forward by starting to overcome your self-defeating, self-limiting beliefs. But that is another story which we will need to look at another time.
Take care.
RE: Is there any hope for me?
Hi,
When I read your problem, I thought I was reading about myself...I've got many similarities to you - finding it hard to achieve what I really want to and going round in circles doing other things. Writing down goals and positive affirmations is very commendable but they're not the whole answer when you're like this. It could well be that your work just isn't challenging enough...when you're intelligent and quick to learn you need the stimulus of a variety of things, to give you constant challenges and add some surprise and uncertainty to your life. Because you're repeating patterns it could well be you need to go deeper to find out what's blocking you. I'm not a great fan of counselling, but recently as I felt in a desperate state, I went for one holographic repatterning session. I'd never heard of it before either! But as the practitioner lived near me and keen to try something new I thought I'd give it a go! Basically it works on the emotional energy fields around your body -- all the thoughts & emotions over the years are all stored in there which make your body react in a certain way. It'sa very clever process - a bit like emotional kinesiology whereby the practitioner asks you a series of questions to get right down to the area that's causing the block. With me she identified that it was something that happened in my life when I was 7 and a family member was 4 (when my younger brother nearly died after an illness). It wasn't something that I'd thought much about before - I'm now 45 by the way! But she worked on my thoughts & emotions at that time. well, since that one session I've noticed a subtle shift in myself. It's helped me to clarify my thoughts and where I'm going. Like you I've got a holistic health clinic, but I've now decided to close it as it just wasn't working for me. An osteopath who rents a room may take it over. I'm not exactly sure what I'll do yet, but I feel the weight has been taken off my shoulders and
I feel more in tune with what's working for me and what's not. You can have a look at her website - there's a connection there to the main holographic repatterning website with other practitioners around the country - Georgia's based in Glasgow.
Anyway, hope this helps - it's not easy, but there is hope - and you can have the life you want if you never give up.
Lots of love
Eleanor
RE: Is there any hope for me?
Eleanor
First of all welcome to this forum. I hope that you will enjoy being here. Then, thanks so much for sharing a bit of your personal walk in life. It is certainly interesting to read about your experience.
In this forum we strongly believe in Positive Mental Attitude and in the tremendous power of life coaching to change situations and whole lives for the better.
I invite you to take a look at this forum where you will find a tremendous amount of info and positive contributions to help you along the path. And if you have any questions feel free to ask me.
Take care.
RE: Is there any hope for me?
Hi Eleanor,
Welcome to HP and this forum. I was most interested to read about holographic repatterning and I’ve just had a quick look at Georgia Wolfson’s website – thanks for that – with a view to a return visit there, and soon! Indeed, we can sometimes forget, while we are being so busy in our heads, that our bodies store old memories. Fascinating stuff, and I’m sure can only be complementary to coaching, if it has helped to clarify your thoughts about where you’re going and what is or is not working for you. That can only be for the good, IMHO, and positively enhance the coaching experience of working towards goals without some of the negative thoughts that can sometimes hold us back. Thank you for sharing.
Do you have any thoughts about what you might do following the closure of your health clinic?
Best wishes,
Holistic
RE: Is there any hope for me?
Eleanor
indeed it is good to start thinking at what next and defining some goals. Please take a look at the goals thread in this forum; it would be very helpful to you. Al;so feel free to come back with any questions. I would be very happy to help you in any way.
Take care.
RE: Is there any hope for me?
Hello,
Thank you all for your replies, it's really good to know there's support out there. And thank you Eleanor, it's good to know it's not just me that feels like this.
Ref. Purpose's advice I've printed out the 'goals' thread, as well as the other subsequent threads he posted. I'm going to work through these at my desk now, and hopefully break the pattern I've fallen into over the years. I'm so scared, though, if that doesn't sound too odd. Whenever I think of what I need to do right now, especially for my business, I get really scared. I definitely want to do my therapies for a living, but I get that fearful feeling.
By the way, am I right in thinking I need to post my goals once I've set them, so you can all see? I recognise I need to break this pattern of missing deadlines, but if I set goals that you can all see, I fear that I'll miss them again, and then look stupid because you'll all know about it (not to mention getting properly stressed - digestive system tends to shut down). On the other hand, if I keep them to myself, chances are... [sm=banghead.gif]
I think that I'm thinking too much on the subject - a family trait - less thinking, and more doing maybe? 😉 Right, I'm starting now...
RE: Is there any hope for me?
Hi Bess,
up to you if you want to post your goals, if you think it will help then go ahead if you think it would be a hindrance don't. To make things easier just set yourself steps to reach the goal you are aiming for, don't try to pole vault the river build a bridge with foundations after a while it will speed up with its own momentum. Don't say to yourself I can't do that, say of course I can and set your steps that will take you where you want to go.
Rocky.
RE: Is there any hope for me?
Hi Red Bess, and welcome aboard
You're definately not alone! You will get all the help you need right here 🙂
All I would say, is to set your goals and if you are happy to post them, then do so. It may even help you knowing that everyone knows about them. We could even be your reminders if you like. It really isnt a problem.
RE: Is there any hope for me?
Thank you Rocky and Michelle, and everyone else,
I'm working my way through Purpose's procrastination exercises from an earlier thread, and I thought I'd let you know that I've just reached a bit of an epiphany. I'll post some of my goals when I get them down into bite-sized chunks, but right now I at least have some of my big goals, and it feels so good.
[sm=jump2.gif]
RE: Is there any hope for me?
Hi Red Bess
Thats wonderful news!!! I'm so glad you have decided to go for it :D.
And it is a good feeling!!
I look forward to seeing your posts. Just keep remembering, we are all here to help you along the way - right guys!!!!
Well done!
[sm=hug.gif]
RE: Is there any hope for me?
Red Bess
... and hopefully break the pattern I've fallen into over the years.
That is the issue! We get into patterns, habits of living that hold us back and do not allow us to move forward in our life. BUT... we can break them! But that is another thread.
I'm so scared, though, if that doesn't sound too odd. Whenever I think of what I need to do right now, especially for my business, I get really scared. I definitely want to do my therapies for a living, but I get that fearful feeling.
no, it doesn't sound odd at all. Many of us go through that stage. The important thing is to find out what is causing you fear and move on from there. Or in other words, overcome your fears by facing them. Have you ever read the book "Face your fears and do it anyway"? Great stuff for this.
By the way, am I right in thinking I need to post my goals once I've set them, so you can all see? I recognise I need to break this pattern of missing deadlines, but if I set goals that you can all see, I fear that I'll miss them again, and then look stupid because you'll all know about it (not to mention getting properly stressed - digestive system tends to shut down). On the other hand, if I keep them to myself, chances are...
As Rocky has already said... if it helps feel free. Many of us have done so on purpose. And that is one of the things that I ask my clients to do.
You see, when we set something for others to see there is far more likelihood that we actually follow through. The important thing is to make yourself accountable to someone, who ever that person may be. Find someone who you can "report" to and he/she can make sure that you are keeping up what you have set yourself to do.
But make sure, as we say in the goals thread, that your goals are realistic, precise, time defined. Otherwise... they will just be good intentions.
And if you need help... plenty on here!
RE: Is there any hope for me?
Rocky
To make things easier just set yourself steps to reach the goal you are aiming for, don't try to pole vault the river build a bridge with foundations after a while it will speed up with its own momentum.
wow... what a fantastic advice! That is exactly what we all should be doing. The fact is that when ever we try and take steps which are bigger than we can manage that is when we fall. Instead we should be making steps in relation to what we can do. if it is an inch long step ... so be it! It is a yard long step ... so be it! The important thing though is.... keep moving!
Thanks Rocky for this.