I Need Guidance or advice!

Not going to be much help, as I was an 'only' child, so had no one to compare with - but my parents always did what they could to ensure I had a good education - private, mostly. However, academics were not my thing, so I left school with only 6 'O' levels and absolutely no intention of doing 'A' levels or going to college. Much to their chagrin I joined the Navy. I was 'in' for 5 years and would do it all again in a heartbeat. My mother said I would last a week! My father said that I would not cope with the rules and regulations! It was the making of me - turned me into an independant, self-reliant individual, willing to turn my hand to absolutely anything that came along. I'm not saying that the military is the answer for you, but it is your life - you only have one, do not let other people live if for you. If you think your parents will be 'disappointed' in you, they won't (well, initially they may make faces and mutter a bit, but it won't last for long.,.). After I left the military, I did all sorts of different things, and am now full time doiing comp therapy in a particular 'modality' that I absolutely adore. My remaining parent is immensely proud of what I have achieved over the years. My mother died a few years ago - she, too, had been proud of what I had done with my life.
I now have two children. The eldest is doing an honours degree at university, and may go on to do a masters. She doesn't know what she wants to do (!), but she does enjoy the academics and gets excellent grades, so I just keep paying the bills and ask her to ensure she keeps up her part-time job to help pay her way. The youngest left school this summer, aged 17. Hated every aspect of school and just wanted to get a job doing anything, anywhere. Three weeks after leaving school, was taken on by a call centre, and is 5 months into the job, earning an unfeasible amount of money (for an 18 year old!!) and has applied to join a different department doing fraud investigation. If that doesn't work out, then there is always the option to move on. Nothing, or no-one, should expect to stay in one place.
Life is what you make it - not anyone else. However, since your parents are obviously caring, and want the best for you, always talk to them about how you are feeling.
Are there any other courses at the college that have caught your eye? You don't have to stay with computers - they are not the be all and end all.

What about plumbing??? I've never met a poor plumber yet, nor one that hasn't got at least 10 other jobs on the go....... I'm only bitter - our plumber is due today - but then he was due on Monday, Tuesday and yesterday.
Let us all know on HP how you get on.

Morning dvid

I have two daughters. My youngest is still at school. My eldest daughter is 19. When she left school she did not have a clue what she wanted to do. We suggested to her that she went to collage and take a course in computers. Mainly because that is what she is good at and done well in at school.Because she didn`t know what she wanted, this is what she done.

After her first year she was going to leave and get a job.She had made her mind up to leave. Didn`t know what job she wanted. Anyway to cut a long story short. She didn`t get a job, but signed up for another two year computer course. Her idea not ours.She left in June this year. She got her qualifications.So she spent three years at college in all.

Well she then decided she did not want to work with computers as she had enough of them. I dont blame her after three years.She decided she wanted to get a job in retail. She applied for many jobs. Finally in August she was offered a job.She now works at a Decorating centre.Which is as far away from computers as you can get. But do you know what SHE LOVES HER JOB.She has been working long hours and apart from being tired she is enjoying it.

All I want to say to you is. If you are this down about college. YOU DO NEED TO RETHINK WHAT YOU WANT TO DO.Why dont you go to your local job centre have a chat with them. They might be able to help you.Thats what my daughter done.She also got job seekers allowance while she was looking for a job.Which wasn`t a lot of money but it helped.

You must go with your heart and your gut instinct.At the end of the day you must feel happy in what you do in life.Please let us know how you get on.

Hey a plummer sounds an option. If you cant decide what job you would like. If it helps try and think of the things you enjoy doing.Is there anything you could do as a job that you enjoy.

Best wishes
Sunrise

Take heart in the fact that you're recognising early on that your current path isn't for you. In my experience a LOT of much older people never know what they want to do and stay in deadend, unfulfilling jobs their entire lives. Discovering what you really want to do is the hard part and once you know you're halfway there. Have you considered getting some career guidance / doing aptitude tests etc. to see where your interests and talents lie. Sometimes they can be revealing.

Life is one long journey and many people [myself included] simply drift along waiting for things to happen, instead of making them happen. So good on you! You're self-aware enough and intelligent enough to recognise at this early stage that something isn't sitting well with you. A lot of very successful businessmen/woman aren't intellectual and don't even have degrees - a piece of paper isn't the be all and end all.

Good luck and be brave!

Funny really, as I read your post late last night dvid I thought of the Armed Forces too, as has already been mentioned in your thread. But this is a very turbulent time in our world and not for me to suggest such a career, and so I don’t. But it does give me yet another excuse to write about my son…… My son is a squady in 5 Rifles, Armoured Infantry currently based in Germany and off on Telic deployment sometime soon. And I am immensely proud of him; my feathers always fluff up when I talk about him and think of him. The Armed Forces is an excellent career choice that definitely brings focus and purpose into your life. But not one to be taken lightly!!!!!!!
De-fluffing feathers now….. [url][/url]

But…back to you personally dvid, you are obviously intelligent and in turmoil with yourself. If your current course is not working for you at the moment then yes, you will be at odds with yourself. You are only 17 and have a lifetime of options in front of you. You need to recognise your strengths, write a list of them and add to it as necessary and keep it on display in your room.

The pressure you feel from your parents….Is it really from them? Or is it a pressure you apply to yourself? Speak to them dvid. At base level they want what is best for you; they push you because they love you. A good parent will not sit back nonchalant about their child’s future.

Take pride in yourself dvid and take control. There are many therapies available to help positive thinking, use some. If things get too much for you psychologically go and see your GP. Do not allow negative thoughts to take over!

You are going through a natural stage of modern and age-old human development; the pressures of trying to find a path in life when you leave school are very tough. A lot of us do not find that path until we are much, much older. But keep striving to do your best; you mustn’t become apathetic to your future.

Keep reaching high dvid.

Rx

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Hey dvid

Firstly I think you write extremely well. We've been having some discussions on HP about the declining standards of education in this country so may I say how wonderful it is to have a 17 year old along who has such a good command of grammar, spelling and stringing sentences together. (I hope that doesn't sound patronising but to me it says that you are a pretty intelligent person.) If computers are really not your thing, then I would say get out now. I can't imagine anything worse than having to force yourself to get up every morning and hating what you do.
But the thought that came to my mind was why not take a year out - a gap year if you like, and sign up to do some kind of voluntary work abroad in the third world. I'd bet that your level of knowledge would come in handy somewhere in India or Africa and doing so worthwhile would raise your self esteem too. I'm not sure if you would be too young for this (but presumably you're going to be 18 at some point in the not too distant future) so, if the idea appeals at all, why not look into it? I'm sure your parents would be proud if you did something altruistic like this.

Whatever you decide, may I wish you the very best. Joy and laughter and all the good stuff. Please keep in touch and let us know how you get on, whatever happens.

With love
Sunanda xxx

Hi dvid,

To be totally honest very few 17 yr olds know what they want to do with life, in hoping to help i will tell you of my experiences.

Left school at 16, with no idea what I wanted to do, started ALevels and hated it so switched at the christmas to a GNVQ in Media Studies, halfway through fell pregnant, so decided that it wasn't sensible to pursue a career in Media, although I did finish the course. Decided to do a degree in Nursing and left after 18 months as I hated it, went to work for a year, then decided to do a degree in Social Work, two years into course moved down to Kent and couldn't continue with the course! Realising that I didn't really want to be a social worker, pursued a career in complementary therapies and absolutely LOVE what I do!!!

It has been a long hard journey and at times my parents ahve despaired of me ever settling down to a career. At the same time though they are immensely proud of what I have achieved, and the fact that I have never relied on them for money since leaving college at the age of 18. I have always had part-time jobs to supplement any grants / student loans.

You need to talk to your parents about how you feel and look at the different options available to you, maybe you could take a year out and do some voluntary work abroad. Or as already mentioned the armed forces can be a good option, which will open many doors for you. You could stay at college but change course, completing your college course or any college course would enable you to go to Uni if you so wished at a later date.

Just some thoughts.

Laura x

Hey dvid

Firstly I think you write extremely well. We've been having some discussions on HP about the declining standards of education in this country so may I say how wonderful it is to have a 17 year old along who has such a good command of grammar, spelling and stringing sentences together. (I hope that doesn't sound patronising but to me it says that you are a pretty intelligent person.) If computers are really not your thing, then I would say get out now. I can't imagine anything worse than having to force yourself to get up every morning and hating what you do.
But the thought that came to my mind was why not take a year out - a gap year if you like, and sign up to do some kind of voluntary work abroad in the third world. I'd bet that your level of knowledge would come in handy somewhere in India or Africa and doing so worthwhile would raise your self esteem too. I'm not sure if you would be too young for this (but presumably you're going to be 18 at some point in the not too distant future) so, if the idea appeals at all, why not look into it? I'm sure your parents would be proud if you did something altruistic like this.

Whatever you decide, may I wish you the very best. Joy and laughter and all the good stuff. Please keep in touch and let us know how you get on, whatever happens.

With love
Sunanda xxx

Just got to say dvid that I think Sunanda's idea (and Holstic Heaven mentioned it too) is fantastic. I would love to have had that suggested to me when I was your age.

It works on so many levels. Gives you time to yourself to find who you are, allows you to give back to the world, may point you in a career direction, can be very healing to see others in a worst position than yourself and you can experience some wonderful therapies in their native countries etc etc.....

Rx

I think I'll represent the slightly more traditional viewpoint so this thread has balance (note that at this time in my life, I do not work for any one and my Maths degree is totally unused; I just think every avenue needs looking at).

They say money can't buy happiness. They're right. However, it gives you options. I studied hard, got a good job/career, saved money and then quit to pursue a business that is enjoyable and interesting, not having to work with stressed out colleagues for over-demanding bosses. Not many people can do that in their 30s. So, money can buy happiness after all. (Of course, failure is an option, and I could be back working for someone but I now have experience that will make me more marketable; in a way, this is also studying and is hard work. Kinda.)

Another thing, the world is continually changing. I doubt there will be much left for pensioners when you're old. People are living longer, young people opting out of work and so draining the financial resources available to hard working people who intend to retire in a few years time. That is why people are buying second houses - it is their nest egg. Yes, it's a picture of doom and gloom. The only way to survive is to earn enough money to invest and save for yourself to live a reasonable life when you retire. This means that you have to get good grades and study hard. It is still true that people with higher education qualifications end up earning more (and therefore saving more). (Yes, 5 people will say their Uncle Fred had one CSE in Art and made a million selling porcelain figures on ebay. That is hardly statistics. While there are a hundred million pound a year football players, there are millions more failed football players working in McDonalds for their first star.)

So, if you can find a career path that requires studying to degree level (actually, a masters is pretty much something you need these days as educational standards ARE dropping) and is vaguely interesting, inspires you and pays well, then go for it.

It's not what you want to hear, and I know a lot of people who read this will be disgusted by how money-oriented this post sounds, but life isn't a Friday night in the pub, unfortunately.

On a practical level, if you can identify an upcoming industry that will require people and pay well, then that is a smart move. For instance, 5 years ago, plumbing and home improvements was a good industry to train in. With the incoming recession, I don't think people will be able to afford the £50/hour charges.

The point I'm trying to make is that you need to look at the bigger picture; you probably have another 70 years to live - how will you make sure you have enough to eat and enjoy life?

Good luck.

dvid

If you asked people on this forum most of them would probably say that at 17 they did not know what they wanted to do either!! and some still may not!!

This is the beginning of your life at where you are now you can do virtually anything you set your mind to. it is only a bit of training and you are set. In terms of your whole life the college is a drop in the ocean and where you start out may not be where you end up.

Take me for example I am nearly 40 and if I woke up tomorrow and decided I wanted to be a world class boxer I have left it a little late to do this.

So tell me what is your passion? There must be something that you are interested in?

If you can stick with the IT training get a bit of your focus back and maybe just look at it as a way of getting into employment that will pay a decent salary and that the better your salary the better enabled you will be to follow your dreams, but a car, go on holiday, go out with your mates, meet girls! (when I was 17 this was my favorite one!!)

It is easy for me to say you are not alone but you are not most of us have been through something similar to you, feeling a bit lost, not knowing what we want to do... I think it is just part of being a teenager and growing in to an adult. I am not sure from your post if you are male or female and I have assumed you are male... so another thing is enjoy your hair while you have it I miss mine :fit:

I just wanted to come in again in response to Darren's post above. (It's too long for me to copy here - you've only got to scroll up a bit if you want to read it again. Basically, dvid, I want to acknowledge (if not actively advocate) a different way of looking at life. I can truly see where Darren is coming from on this but to me it sounds horribly like mortgaging the present in order to pay for the future. And of course that future never arrives. Can never arrive. There is only the eternal present. Besides which, my own POV has always included the possibility of my not being around to be old enough not to work any more. (As I enjoy my work and as it's not 9-5 5 days a week, I have no longing to 'put my feet up and retire.' I don't think though, Darren, that your post was overly money orientated, just par for the course nowadays. But when you say that money can bring happiness, I don't think that it was necessarily money that brought you to the happy position you occupy today: rather it was your own hard work, goodwill to others, good karma, natural inclinations, ability to seize the appropriate opportunity - and, as far as I know, your simply being an all round good guy! This is the life that you've been given to live - yes, you made it, but it was also meant to be. Sorry, I'm wandering into the metaphysical realm here, but I do believe this. So there are no wrong decisions basically. It was all meant to be. Having money often just means the difference between being reasonably frugal and being reasonably casual with money. You can live a happy and fulfilled life either way. IMHO.
(All of which has probably confused poor dvid even further but possibly, too, given him food for thought. And I still maintain that a year out doing good deeds at this stage of his life would give him a good supply of karmic brownie points!)

(Posting in Quick Reply because too lazy to Go Advanced, hence no smileys available but big hugs all round!)

Love from
Sunanda xxx

In fairness, you're right and I believe your approach but it can remove options/choices that dvid may regret not being able to go for later on in life. Yes, there is adult education, but when you have 2 kids and a mortgage, plus two jobs to pay for it all, fitting in time to study is a lot harder than doing it now while dvid doesn't have any responsibilities.

Why choose to put a glass ceiling there without exploring to see if what is beyond the glass ceiling is definitely something you don't want to experience? Me, personally, I nearly dropped out of uni because I thought it was boring, but in the end soldiered on (and studied for a post grad qual, too) which has given me opportunities that wouldn't have been available to me if I left after A-levels.

I am also not a fan of "you may get hit by a bus tomorrow". In the end, you don't and you find you are reaping what you sowed (or didn't). The future does come: it becomes the today, and if you have a chance to make the new today better than the today it would have been, why throw that chance away?

It's a choice we all have to make, I guess, and then live with, and as my name suggests, what I've done has been largely because I'm following my path, going with the flow, living my life, etc.

I know I'm rambling! This topic could get really spiritual with talk about choice and paths...

Hi Darren (sorry dvid, excuse us a moment please:))

I'm so glad you didn't get the hump over what I wrote. I nearly edited my post to make sure that you realise that I am not disparaging your way of looking at things at all. I think it's horses for courses and while Darren follows his path, Sunanda follows her own, and that's absolutely right and proper and the way it should be.:) I'm probably older than you and a darn sight older than dvid so who knows but there might be in my viewpoint a degree of acceptance of what my life is now, because that's the way it has to be? I would be lying though - and I never do that - if I didn't admit to the odd escape into both nostalgia for the past and wondering about the future. But largely I don't see the point of not making the most of the present: let's say I'm content with where I am and change is always inherently possible. But I'm just saying that sometimes less can be more and more might be too much. (That sounds a bit delphic, I fear.:)) I have always been blessed with having enough money - not a lot but enough. I've always worked and enjoyed the variety of jobs I've done. I've loved meeting all the people who have entered (and left) my life. I'm thrilled to be on this journey. And this is my journey; yours is different. Dvid's will be different from both of ours, it will be unique to him. But what I hope he will capture is the excitement of it all. I hope he will be uplifted by the life he comes to live, not brought low as so many people sadly are.....Gosh, I'm about to start writing a book here, sorry - I'm getting carried away.:rolleyes:

Much love
Sunanda xxx

Oh Dvid - You probably won't believe any of us, but it really is true when we say we didn't know what we were going to do at 17! I have worked in many different jobs, one included careers advice and each has been very different. I have worked hard, and trained for each role I have held.

No job these days will last for a lifetime and as such, any courses, qualifications or programmes you follow, will set your career in stone for the rest of your life. I and most of my peers (in their thirties), have done lots of different courses to meet the needs of the job I was doing at the time. I don't know if this helps or not, but please do not feel that the IT path is your job for life. Whether you decide to quit, travel, stick with it etc etc, it has to be the right course of action for you and will be the right thing for you to do NOW. If you can accept that life plans change with the wind, and you are flexible enough to go with any opportunites that present themselves, you cannot make a wrong decision. Hope that helps and it is not worth making yourself miserable about. I am sure, that your parents will not want you to be unhappy, even if they are disappointed when first hearing your news, they may well respect your decision as long as they can see you are trying to do what is right for you. Take Care!

Kat

Hi Dvid,

I took that same course when i was 18 and didnt like it at all it wasnt what i expected. So i left it and there was no harm in trying it out as my parents said. sure i didnt have a clue what i wanted to do(Still dont!)

From there i took a two year beauty therpaist & swedish massage course which i loved and really enjoyed. Then i took a year out and headed to oz. I'm back now working full time as PA in Kingspan which i love. But i just started a Reflexology course and an A&P Course, i really want to try and into the alternative therapies and eventually work for my self. So as you can see you'd never really be sure on a carear path! My advice your young try a few out for choice. Good luck with it.

Firstly i want to say that i am amazed at all the responses and posts that this thread has recieved. I woke up today feeling not too great (a recurring theme lately) but after reading what you all had to say i feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. It is interesting to hear that some of you or people close to you have had similar experiences with computing, a warning maybe?:P.

A lot of you mentioned travelling/voluntary work and i had planned to travel after i had completed my course and i have done some voluntary work in South Africa, although i don't like to mention it because it feels like bragging. I am very lucky in that i have been given opportunities that many people haven't. I will be going to New York with a group its all about politics, drama and identity.

The idea of plumbing appeals to me because i love the idea of walking into a job that i can make a lot of money, i know that i can have a good life without a lot of money but i am quite independent ( or atleast i think i am ) and i have already learned that money certainly makes things a lot easier it's
thanks to my student loan that i sit here in bed on my laptop...not essential but a luxury i enjoy. The other career choices mentioned, army and the navy are also interesting my father was in the navy and my brother almost did the same, i forever hear the stories of him going to interesting places all over the world but i think my problem is that i find all of those areas interesting and can't really decide which to choose. I have always done equally well in the things i have done, my studies etc. Nothing has ever really stuck out and made me think "this i what i want to do".

I think it was cirrus that said that there are many therapies available out there but this forum is sort of a therapy for me , it allows me to get things off my chest and from reading everyones posts i can sort of figure out a way of forward thinking.

Aikijason also mentioned that i should continue with my career so that i can follow my dreams. My dreams are to travel, bungy jump, sky dive etc.. stuff like that so money me be a part of that but even with a normal salary those are probably achieveable. At the moment my pursuit of a career seems to hinder those dreams and my social life.

I still don't know what i want to do but im more aware now about the possibilities and i will probably be looking a lot more at what i can do instead of what i can't do. The hard part will be actually deciding what my next step is and crunch time will probably come next week in college.

Thanks to everyone who posted a reply though you have all been really helpful and if i make a decision i will be sure to post it here.

hi dvid

Is there a student counsellor at the college? perhaps you can have a chat with them to discuss different careers/courses. there are a couple of tests available that ppl can do to determine what their major interests are in terms of work/career. sounds like you have some technical interests, and that you feel quite burdened by your current state.

take care, Leah

Hi Dvid,

Looking at the things you would like to be able to I have two thoughts....one that pops up again is the armed forces, one of my closet friends joing the army at 17 and he got to do the things you mention, bungee jump, travel and skydive he even joined the sky diving team!!! My other thoughts are along the lines of going to America as a summer camp advisor OR train to be an adventure holiday instructor a link to a course here [DLMURL] http://www.proadventure.co.uk/intensive_instructor_training.htm [/DLMURL]

These are just some additional thoughts after reading your last post.

Laura

Holisticheaven thanks for the advice and everyone seems to be hitting the nail on the head...i had already planned to go to something called camp america possibly in 2009 or 2010 with some friends...im glad your all giving me ideas though and im very greatful for the link 😀

Hey dvid - I have been keeping an eye on this thread! My oldest friend did Camp America when he was 17/18 - he loved it and it also helped him to clear his head and make some decisions about his future.

Good luck

I have been thinking hard about everything over the last couple of days, im going to Australia for a year in 2009 and for now im planning on getting some work experience and making money to enjoy myself.

I simply adore Australia - my sister lives there and I get out to see her as often as I can - which is usually every 2-3 years. Very friendly people, great food, amazing things to see. Good luck to you.

Hi dvid

Any ideas of what work experience you are going to do. What have you decided about college?

Best wishes
Sunrise

hi sorry i haven't checked back here in a while. I have dropped out of college, after a talk with the lecturer who agreed that the course really wasn't for me. I have a part-time catering job at the moment although im looking for something with more hours maybe better pay. Since dropping out i've had time to do more things and different aspects have got better. I have been looking at other colleges other courses just to see if anything looks good to me ( not a lot usually does) but i found a computer multimedia course i dont plan on applying but i've have found a new interest i mess around with image editing and make small (bad) animations for fun but im taking it more seriously and learning more it is something i enjoy atleast.

Thanks for asking sunrise and sorry for taking so long to reply.

Hi dvid

Its sounds as though you have done the right thing. You seem happier in your post. Hey small bad animations! Could become large great animations. You also enjoy doing it, that is the key. Giving yourself time and space to think.That is good.

Please, let us know how you get on over the coming months. Keep your chin up.

Best wishes
Sunrise:)

Hello again, it has been over 4 months since i last came into this thread and quite a while since i've been on this website. The update that follows may not be as great as expected especially considering how upbeat i seemed before. I am coming close to 18 and not much has changed, i have applied for jobs but no luck. My plans for Australia have fallen through aswell, the people i had planned to go with have changed their minds. The main problem now is that i am very demotivated and dropping out of college has put a fear into me that if i apply for another college course i might not like that either and may end up dropping out again wasting more time. My parents are really getting on at me ( as they should) but i feel im being pressured into Plumbing and Electrical apprenticeships and i don't really picture myself in any of those areas. I really can't see which area i do fit into which is frustrating everyone i know seems to know what they want to be, sports coach, photographer, journalists. I really don't feel that strongly about any particular career or aspect. I don't understand how people know what they want to do, i know that most of you have said you didn't know what you wanted to do at my age but you all chose college courses and jobs and stuck to them, how did you make that decision? I don't seem to be very strong willed and i am giving up very easily which is frustrating because i want to be good at something, give me an opportunity and i'll do my best. I am a hard worker and i want to achieve something. I am no further than i was 4 months ago and i don't know the way forward. If i plan to go back to college i need to do it soon before the classes fill up and i still have no clue whatsoever i want to do , if i even want to go back to college?

Hi dvid
I appreciate you must be feeling really frustrated at not having found what you want to do yet. Think of it just as a step at a time. What you decide now does not have to be what you will be doing for the rest of your life.
You could start by making a list of all the things you like doing, what you enjoy in your spare time, do you prefer being with other people or alone, playing with machines or systems, what makes happy?
Then think what is important to you in a job, what would give you satisfaction, is it money, recognition, making a difference, being part of a team, etc.
Doing all that might help you clarify your ideas as to what your next move could be.
I wish you every success.
All the Best.