Fear of Failure.. Fear of Sucess..

RE: Fear of Failure.. Fear of Sucess..

Here is the very well known piece of prose/poetry frequently attributed to Nelson Mandela, quoted by him in his famous speech to congress, and said by many to have been written by Marianne Williamson, as it appears in one of her many wonderful books - A Return to Love. The actual source is A Course in Miracles.

Marianne’s website:

This site attempts to set the record straight:

Here is the piece - enjoy!

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is
That we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light and not our darkness which most frightens us.
We ask ourselves,
Who am I to be gorgeous, talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small doesn’t serve the world.
There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking
So that other people won’t feel insecure around you..
We are born to make manifest
The glory of God that is within us.
It’s not just in some of us; it’s in Everyone!
And as we let our own light shine
We unconsciously give other people
Permission to do the same.
And as we are liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others!"

Holistic

(Edited to take it out of quote box - print too small.)

RE: Fear of Failure.. Fear of Sucess..

Flower

what a wonderful thread! Thanks for this.

You are actually touching on one of my favourite subjects here. I have actually done quite a lot of personal research on the whole issue of success and... failure. I love talking about success and I often do workshops on this issue. I am also in the process of writing another book on this issue. So... thanks for opening it up to all of us.

Now let me come and share some quick thoughts before other menbers can also share their thoughts.

Why do some people fear sucess..

Believe it or not this is actually quite common. Just recently I have been coaching a very successful business man who is leading a team of sveral people and who is... afarid of success. Why? Because he sees success as a barrier to positive relationships, a source of jealousy from other people and a high demand on him to keep up his success.

Why do some people fear failure..

many people who especially have a perfectionist streak in them do not like to fail. But then... who likes to fail? Now, some people see failure as an opportunity to do better the next time, as a step towards the final goal. Other people see failure as a drop in the deepest abyss.

I know if one has lived a life, and feels a failure, they can fear that sucess.. which I cant make out why...

Flower, excellent question but this will take me a while to explain. I will need to come back on this.

Yet I also understand who people who are very sucessful fear failure and will make sure they will not fail.

Actually... this is rarely the case. If you are successful you know that you can make it again and gain. Sure, not everything may work according to plans but then, being successful, you know how to find the right way.

Yet those who fear sucess will prob fail as then from their past, it is easier to fail and then say to yourself, knew that would happen..

Absolutely right!

RE: Fear of Failure.. Fear of Sucess..

Dear All

Well both usually have roots in past life that have reverberated in to this life.

Recommend that you check out Jan Spillers book 'Astrology of the Soul' which identifies the north nodes and your karmic journey. Also Past Life HEALING therapy which is very different to Past Life Regression.

being love

Kim xx

RE: Fear of Failure.. Fear of Sucess..

Hi guys

this quote may help us focus on what Flower was asking us to consider. here it goes...

Men succeed when they realise that their failures are the preparation for their victories.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

So, what is it that makes some people fear success? What is it that make some people fear failure?

RE: Fear of Failure.. Fear of Sucess..

Hi guys

just got this quote from my friend Brian Tracy and it is so much in line with what we are talking about here on this thread that I have decided to pass it on straight away. Here it is...

"I have learned throughout my life as a composer chiefly through my mistakes and pursuits of false assumptions, not my exposure to founts of wisdom and knowledge."
Igor Stravinsky

Let's keep talking of the issues that Flower has raised.

RE: Fear of Failure.. Fear of Sucess..

Hi guys

and another one that I had already in my database of quotes....

"Forget about the consequences of failure. Failure is only a temporary change in direction to set you straight for your next success."
Denis Waitley

RE: Fear of Failure.. Fear of Sucess..

Success can bring responsibility and a lot of people can't handle that, be it fear or just "Oh no I don't want that responsibilty". Which is one of the main reasons so many people don't do better in life, when they well could.

Rocky.

RE: Fear of Failure.. Fear of Sucess..

Rocky

excellent point you make above. It makes me wonder though, if that is the case, how is it that some people ARE successful? What can we do to change things in the life of those who refuse or afraid to take responsibilities?

Any thoughts?

RE: Fear of Failure.. Fear of Sucess..

This is a timely thread for me. A few days ago I realised I had become exactly what I feared to become - a failure. Now I'm not beating myself up over it so don't worry - just coming to some understandings. I've learnt a lot from acting the way I did and I know it's now time to move on.

I think I was afraid of failure when I was younger - usual story of whatever I did not being good enough to the parents. This was followed by a huge amount of laziness - always 'could do better' - and in my heart knew it to be true. a bit of a poor me attitude, poor self image, coupled with laziness and a propensity to read about life rather than live it. I definitely think there was a bit of - 'if i don't try then i can't fail. If I don't try then I can always live with the idea that if I HAD worked hard then perhaps I COULD have won/been successful/come top but if I work really hard and then fail then I know I'm definitely not good enough - better to live with the possibility of greatness than the fact of failure. I also think I'm a bit of a perfectionist at heart - which many people would laugh at - but I think I'm SO aware of what needs to be done to make a project good, a room tidy, whatever to the highest standard that I'd rather not start - my laziness again I assume.

The poem above really struck a chord with me. The idea of shining your light and being true to yourself. I was always told I was 'too much' and 'not good enough' as child and then took not particularly good relationships which compounded the idea. This was quite a few years ago and I'm a lot stronger person with a stronger identity of who I am now but I know I have always had a need to do what other people think is best for me. I think as a child and in my early twenties is was down to a deep insecurity and lack of belief in myself (and constantly being told that other people 'know best') but perhaps as I've got older (I'm 29) this has morphed into a desire for a lack of responsibility....? I know things came easily to me when I was younger (education wise) and I suppose I always assumed I'd scrape by - which I did. What does that say about me? No desire to excel? Or perhaps a egotistical assumption that I'd excel no matter what I did or didn't do?

Through always being told I should be going for certain things (from A levels, to going to university, to what job I should be getting) I ended up not really doing anything which much passion or dedication. I knew it was because I was doing things I didn't really care about and went round and round and round and round...... eventually I dropped out of working all together. Ostensibly to give myself a breather (well deserved and necessary) but which dragged on and on until I hadn't worked for a couple of years.

I'm now back working and it was a difficult thing to take - doing a job which I've done since I left university (tho this time for a great company which I can see has prospects - as long as my boredom doesn't kill me first) and the realisation that my life had gone NO WHERE! It was quite amusing tho to realise my parents were so excited about me having a job they didn't care what it was - just that I was working. in a job! crazy! ;o)

I used to think, if only I could decided what it is I wanted to be then I'd work really hard at it but I couldn't decide. I've been blessed with a brain and in some vague way knew I could do lots of things, but what? (in a sharp contrast to my other emotion of not being good enough to do anything - how confused am I??!). As the years have gone on my options have got smaller and I know that it's time to knuckle down to some hard work regardless of what it is. Because by not going out there and grabbing life I'm just wasting it. Time to get tough 🙂

Thanks for giving me the opportunity to write this - it's been quite interesting for me to write it all down and see it on paper. I suppose the point of what I'm saying is that I have been both scared of failure yet too caught up in emotional baggage and laziness to do anything about

RE: Fear of Failure.. Fear of Sucess..

Hi Alex,

ORIGINAL: purpose
excellent point you make above. It makes me wonder though, if that is the case, how is it that some people ARE successful? What can we do to change things in the life of those who refuse or afraid to take responsibilities?

Any thoughts?

Good question, those who refuse well not much really as that would be forcing someone to do something they don't want to. Those who are afraid, confidence building is the route I would think of. The taking on of responsibility is not everyones cup of tea, just look at a lot of families where no one will make the decision (No matter what it is) because they don't want the blame if it goes wrong.

The reason that some are succesful is that they don't worry to much about failing they put the energy into succeeding and the risk of failing is then minimised. Also these people don't see failing as being the end of the line, if it does happen it's not good but then it is not always bad.

Rocky.

RE: Fear of Failure.. Fear of Sucess..

ok hear from the horse's mouth.

i have a fear of sucess. but it s got nothing to do with failing, or resposability or anything like that. i m just afraid that if i am sucessful...then all of a sudden i wont want it any more and look at all the hard work as a waste of time and energy spent on others. i often go ahead with things that I want and not what others want from me... and yet at the end of it i feel like shit cos it s not what i want. i dont want sucess. it s weird. but there you go. why? welli dont know. it s just that when i finally get what i want it s stupid and i dont want it any more. i just dont understand.... any suggestions? any advice?

RE: Fear of Failure.. Fear of Sucess..

Hi Riff.

My brother is the same; as soon as he achieves something, he doesn't want it anymore. He says its because he's 'succeeded' and so that's it...that there is 'another mountain' to go climb now.
My brother is very creative and a deep thinker.....and there is nothing wrong with being like this, it just is the wayhe is, and he needs to constantly explore, seekand experience; otherwise he becomes bored.
He hates havingbaggage. Life is about picking something up, experiencing it, and then letting it gofor the next 'adventure.'

It all depends on how you define success Riff and I don't think it is because you don't wantthis thinganymore, it's just that you've now done it and got the t-shirt, so to speak,and now there is something else to go look at and to 'get.'
It's not stupid at all, it's who you are and there is nothing to explain to anyone.

However, there is one thing that intrigues me...why do yougo aheadwith things that you want, and not what others want from you,and then look at it as a waste of time and energy spent on others, so then you don't want it..even though its onlywhat YOU wanted, for yourself,in the first place?
An interesting contradition!

RE: Fear of Failure.. Fear of Sucess..

i know what you mean. it doesnt soudn right does it? but thats how it ends up. this is how i get to that place.

i want something and i start to work for it. people get to know about it and some encourage me and other tell me to give up. what the hell right! i continu. then as i get closer to my goal i lose interest and the whole not wanting it starts to set in. i cannot back out becuase i will be letting people down, it would be irresponsible, people count on me and people believed in me. so then i continu for them
i am a very altroistic person. not a door mat but altroistic. i love doing things for others really i do but then i need to do things for myself and when i do them they end up being things for others. i am just afraid it s gonna end up being something that isnt mine.

btw... your brother sounds a lot like me.

RE: Fear of Failure.. Fear of Sucess..

Hi Riff.

Just had to look up what Altruism means :Dand it means...'behaviour that benefits another at its own expense.'

Whew!! pretty tall order isn't it! Very commendable, but it isn't doing you any favours is it!

Maybe you need to ask yourself.... 'What is the need in me to be like this?' And..... 'What canI do for me, whilst helping others, butwithout losing myself along the way?'

You do sound very like my brother...create Riff and remember, you are answerable only to yourself, and to no one else!

RE: Fear of Failure.. Fear of Sucess..

wow. those were words that really made me feel better straight away. and on a freaky note.... how did you know i liked to create?! hehe.... i love creating! thanks a lot.... really helped!

RE: Fear of Failure.. Fear of Sucess..

go and get the book " feel the fear and do it any way "

RE: Fear of Failure.. Fear of Sucess..

I DID IT! i got the promotion at work! it s scary but i m enjoying the challenges it presents. it s like i feel terrified at first but then i just realise that i have the mind to solve any problem and it isnt worth running from something that can make me feel- yes, i solved that, i created that or that was my idea- although i still feel like i m bombarded by the fear and sometimes it can get the better of me- but i imagine this is a slwo process. i am also seeing a really nice counseler who works at this catholic institute and works for free. i would ahve gone to someone else but i couldnt afford it. but he is very qualified and does it for free so thats great....and i feel like i m really getting things sorted.

now all i need to do is pluck up the courage to make my real dream come true and that is to become and actor...but i m only 21 and still young so i m in no hurry really. but i m working on it- which is the most important. i m focused a lot more. really i was mistaken about one thing. i felt like i was doing things for others and not me. but really i have managed to accept that i dont need a huge thank you and that i am perfectly happy knowing that io made a difference to someone else. for some reason i felt that i had to feel sad when my help was not appreciated but it isnt true. i am ACTUALLY happy just knowing that i did something to help others....and i really like that about myself. i am that guy. GREAT! the thing is that people almost tell me to be upset because i dont get a thanks in return and i believe it. but i dont want to believe it any more cos it isnt true. i realyl am happy knowing that the other people are happy.

one thing i have to get over. and it is what i just said. if people say i am then i feel i am. if someone tells me i m not godo then i believe it. if someone tells me i am a loser then i believe it. if you tell me i won t manage then i ll believe it. i m not the type who lieks to prove others wrong. i m the type who will believe whatever you tell me. how does one get over that. am i that low on self esteam?

RE: Fear of Failure.. Fear of Sucess..

Congratulations Riff on your promotion...and for feeling the fear but doing it anyway.

Well done for self-realising that you do not need peoples thanks and appreciation, and that it is enough to know that you have helped.

As you said, 'I don't want to believe it anymore cos it isn't true. I really am happy knowing that other people are happy.'

Firstly..if someone says you are a 'loser' then you now know it isn't true..eg: the promotion for one thing.
If you are told you are 'no good,' you now know that isn't true either.....and etc.

Secondly, because you like to make people other people happy and 'not to prove them wrong,' there is your dilemma!
By being 'good' instead of being 'no good,' you will prove them wrong and so not make them happy!!

Thirdly, by believing whatever you are told about yourself, will make you a brilliant actor because when the director says, "you are to bethis or that" you'll be able too...its called empathy and understanding.

Yoursecond post stated about you being altuistic...so do not make another happy at the expense of yourown happiness.
Do not let others make you believe something that you know isn't true about yourself, just so that they can make themselves feel better, and so happier!
It is them that is suffering from low self-esteem, not you, because the only way thatthey can make themselves feel better is by running down another!...ie: you!

Congratulations again Riff.