Hi there,
I came in here to share how I am feeling and for some words of advice from others. I'm feeling confused and down at the moment and don't want to talk to my boyfriend about this, as I don't want to scare him.
First up, I am 7 weeks pregnant. This was a planned pregnancy but right now I'm having my doubts and fears. I thought I'd be happy and now when it's really happened I'm not so sure anymore.
The reasons for becoming pregnant were these. I'm stuck in between countries and careers and I don't want to start a family too late.
Career:
My career is going nowhere and fast. I'm quite depressed about this. I thought by the time I do sort my career out I'd be 40 and I didn't want to put my career first anymore because that hasn't worked so far and focus my attention on something else, a family. I haven't found what I want to do as a career yet but I have a few ideas, it's just that I'm the type of person that changes their minds often and don't stick to things. I have studied and started so many courses and jobs it's ridiculous. Part of this stems for the fact I don't beleive in myself. I know people say you must be confident believe in yourself, you can do it! But it's not like I haven't tried, I find this really hard.
moving countries:
I want to go back home but the move, which includes migrating my partner which I met here will take some time and money and I thought by the time I do this and get work back home and then start a family, it will be a few years down the track.
Although I'm 31 , I wanted to be a youngish mum and that comes from my mother having me in her late thirties and seeing friends go through fertility problems. I know I'm not old but it's something I feel strongly about.
At the moment I'm feeling frustrated because I hate my job and seem to be hating it more each day now that I am pregnant. My boyfriend is very supportive in all this.
My doubts are if I got into this for the wrong reasons. If I think about my future it seems daunting. I don't want to resent my child. I thought that by having a child and not thinking about my career as much as I have done, this may help me but I feel like my freedom has been taken away already and the poor baby is not even here yet.
Any thoughts from others are most welcome.
Thank you.
RE: confused
Dear Delphine
Well it sounds like the real problem is fear as the root cause. I recommend that you look for a Reiki course there seems to be people in most countries, this will help to empower you to heal your fears. Sounds like you also beat yourself up a lot too!
So just hang in there once you relax and live in the joy of this wonderful child that is already on the planet inside you, loving you, things will start to change. And as soon as the baby arrives you will fall in love beyond your wildest dreams and your reality, view of the world and perceptions will change almost overnight.
The joy of the new born child is so infectious I am sure that you will be overcome with happiness and a totally new life will begin.
One step at a time try not to make a mountain from a molehill, trust that great spirit will take care of you and your life and just simply let go of all your worries and concerns. For all you know this child could open up so many other avenues that you have not thought of.
Your very own mission could be to bring this amazing little one through to help the transition of the planet. Nothing is ever wasted all is a stepping stone on our journey and personal evolution but often we do not realise the importance of each step until we are about 40. Follow your heart but do not act in haste and regret it afterwards, gently does it in GODs domain.
Love beyond measure to you, your partner and the cosmic child.
Kim xx
RE: confused
Hi Delphine
You are going through a big life change and that is scary for anyone not least you who are away from home and in a no end job, does this give an understanding why things are how they are? The life you thought you would have has not transpired and that in itself is a unnerving experience. So am I having a child to change things? and does that change make my life complete? the answer is probably no because no one thing can make our lifes complete. You have a supportive partner and he will possibly be thinking that something is wrong but not necesarily know what, you need to include him in your concerns as his mind will make it bigger than it is. Any mum needs to feel secure when starting a family and this is possibly what your concerns stem from the feeling of insecurity in yourself. You nned to get intouch with yourself and love yourself instead of feeling a failure that you have not achieved your life plan. Achievement can start at any age even when over 31 its just a matter of how you think of yourself.
Hope this helps you make sense of where you are.
Regards
Ian
RE: confused
Thanks Sacredstar and Ian for your words of wisdom. Sometimes when you are so lost in your own thoughts it's good to hear what others think. It gives a new perspective.
All the best
Delphine