Anyone who has worked through this books succesfully? What do you do if you can't answer the questions/visualise/imagine what the exercises are asking for?
and you assume that i haven't done this? based on what?
....hmmmmm precisely....:confused:
God bless and good luck...
Crabapple xx
and you assume that i haven't done this? based on what?
....at a rough guess..based on the speed with which you reply and say its not the answer / they have it wrong etc etc.
Maybe the issue is as much that you like being the focus of attention and behaving in the way you seem to be in this thread? (Please note - I am not judging if this is right or wrong)
Perhaps if you addressed the possibility of that being a component of this discussion and your modus operandi in terms of response - it could lead the way towards addressing the problem that you perceive as the main issue.
Just a thought...
(sorry to answer the question to you crabapple..lol)
Martin, nearly everyone on HP feels part of a community albeit a cyber one. We are 'friends'; we send each other private messages (such as the one I sent to you with Christmas greetings, which you failed to acknowledge); we 'know' a little bit about each other. Sometimes we fall out and then make up. I seem to recall you saying on another thread that you have no friends. Well, why not start here? Why not get to know people and let them into your heart a little, just as so many of us are ready to take you into our hearts. There are many people on this forum whose experiences and studies make them invaluable allies; some of us have reached the inescapable conclusion that we are all one. You, for instance, are my Self. By trying to help you, I am trying to help my Self. But we also have problems and worries and bad times and so from time to time we all ask for advice which is freely given and gratefully received.
No one, Martin, wants to pick a fight with you. Some of the replies you've received have been leavened with humour. Some people like to sprinkle smilies into their posts to try to clarify the tone behind the written words. Calla Lily simply tells it like it is. She wasn't being nasty.
I think you must be a hedgehog, you are so prickly. But remember, we're all just people: confused, struggling, inching our way towards the light. We've all taken so many steps towards you with our hands held out. Won't you take a step towards us?
Hi Bloke
Let us examine what you are trying to achieve in the real world.
Confidence, this comes as we achieve things, so learning that one plus one equals two is an achievement, it will give us the confidence to contemplate fathoming two plus two and come up with four etc. the greater our confidence to do something the more we can achieve.
If you have ever leaned to ride a bike, then like most of us, when you first climbed on it, you probably wobbled all over the place and fell off, now if we had stooped there, then we would have lost the confidence to attempt to ride a bike at some time in the future, or swimming, we go under a couple of times and frighten ourselves silly until we realise that we always come back up to the surface, then we gain confidence and learn to enjoy swimming.
Everything you have ever leaned successfully is a point of reference for you to go back to, you can actually visualise these since these are a points of reference in your reality, I am sure when you start to take stock of the numerous things you have done in your life, you will get the picture.
So when you have got your visualisation, what is the next step?
..Yes, that's so right!
I had the same problem trying to remember a time when I was confident. I started by considering the things that I thought I was competent or proficient at and I suprised myself because when I thought about it properly I was actually very confident about my cooking! lol! You see I had always been very dismissive about it - very modest and tended not to want to recognise that I was good at anything as I didnt like to draw attention to myself. I've found it does no harm to be at least moderately pleased about my accomplishments though!
Sometimes we overlook the things we are most good at because they are easy for us. I hope this helps too - I'm sure there's something wonderful and pleasing that you've been hiding from yourself. It's time to give yourself a pat on the back! 🙂
Stuck
I bought this book 3 weeks ago. I got off to a good start and I have to admit, I am feeling much better, happier in myself and confident. But today, I feel as if I went backwards. I started to feel bad about a relationship I would like to have with a particular person and I am now afraid that it will not happen. That thought is now plaguing me and I'm angry with myself for getting in this frame of mind.
I feel a bit stuck. :(:mad::(
Hi Bloke
Let us examine what you are trying to achieve in the real world.
Confidence, this comes as we achieve things, so learning that one plus one equals two is an achievement, it will give us the confidence to contemplate fathoming two plus two and come up with four etc. the greater our confidence to do something the more we can achieve.
If you have ever leaned to ride a bike, then like most of us, when you first climbed on it, you probably wobbled all over the place and fell off, now if we had stooped there, then we would have lost the confidence to attempt to ride a bike at some time in the future, or swimming, we go under a couple of times and frighten ourselves silly until we realise that we always come back up to the surface, then we gain confidence and learn to enjoy swimming.
Everything you have ever leaned successfully is a point of reference for you to go back to, you can actually visualise these since these are a points of reference in your reality, I am sure when you start to take stock of the numerous things you have done in your life, you will get the picture.
So when you have got your visualisation, what is the next step?
Hello Daisy:)
How are you feeling? I hope you're no longer angry with yourself and are feeling upbeat again. I just saw your post and thought I might be able to offer some practical help...
I am a qualified Life Coach though I am not currently practising I have been qualified and taking on clients since 2003. What I can tell you is that lasting change takes some degree of practice. It is necessary because the behaviour we are trying to change is usually very practised in itself, having been something that we have been doing for a very long time.
If you found some success with what you were doing and feel that you got off to a good start and it was working for you - then stick with it. Go back to what worked and make it work again. What has happened now is you've let your behaviour become unconscious again - and your unconcious behaviour is currently still undesirable for you. When you start practising what works for you again you will find that you will soon be able to stop 'practising' because your unconscious behaviour will 'catch up'. If you really want desirable change you'll be suprised at how quickly it can happen with a just a little more effort. How come we're not born with this knowledge! Life would be a lot easier 🙂
Practise really does make perfect 🙂 and you already have something that works for you so you're really more than half way there 🙂
You can do this!
Best wishes
Raquel
p.s. dont be concerned about the relationship you want, I would say get this bit right first and you will have so much choice - there is nothing more desirable than someone who is confident in themselves. ...and besides once your confidence levels are up you may find that a relationship isnt even a priority for you 🙂
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I just have to point out that self-help programs are not recommended for every person, in every situation. There may be issues that require one to seek face-to-face counseling instead of seeking answers from a book or the internet. Best of luck.