I was just wondering whether anyone could suggest anything for the situation I’m in at the moment ? To be honest it’s not an easy situation to describe. To put it bluntly I’m feeling fed up, bored and cheesed off (but it’s not remotely like depression). Even though I’m planning to do lots of new things (like new courses) – at the moment I just feel tired with the same old problems cropping up, the same old boring routine etc - that I just find it very wearing emotionally/mentally and trying to keep a positive outlook is hard. It’s not helped by the fact that :
a). I had to start a new job (no – I didn’t have much choice in the matter) which simply "isn’t me" and that I find tedious. In the past I would have simply "knuckled down" and got on with it – but now it’s like I’ve hit a brick wall and can no longer put up with things I dislike – a bit like an act of mental/emotional rebellion !!
b). I know that there are problems I can’t solve – so unless I cut I cut out the closest people in my life – I’ll always have these problems (as the people themselves have absolutely no intention of changing)
c). the amount of stuff I have to do is tiring and frustrating – which others aren’t willing to understand or help out with.
I’ve always had a "get up and go" attitude to life (even in the worst of times) and, even though I’m currently making changes in my life, which will hopefully bear fruit in the future, to be honest getting through the present time is like wading through thick mud with skis on. I’ve always put a huge amount of effort into my life (my jobs, relationships etc) – yet I believe this effort has been completely disproportionate to what it has ever yielded.
Can anyone suggest anything to get through this mire ?? I'm sorry this post is so rambling and dis-jointed.
p.s. I have mentioned this issue in relation to homeopathy - in case some of you have a case of deja vu.
Hi Happygirl.
We can not change anyone else, we can only change ourselves and our situation.
This is when we need to choose whether we proceed with these changes or not.
Obviously you have started looking into other things for the future, but as you say, it is the present that is causing the problems.
So, the changes have to start now, not in the future.
You need to ask yourself what is important to you.
To stay the same, hoping others will change?
Or to move away from the same, so effecting changes now that suit you?
This is not easy and is scary, but only you can change your life to what you really want and which gives you a life away from the routine, and I expect that deep down you know what is needed to be done...not in the future but right now because we all live in the now, right now.
Life responds to our needs and will make our lives more and more difficult, due to those needs, and then we need to respond to those difficulties, not as difficulties, but as opportunities to begin to live the life we really want to live, through our own understandings of our need-felt self, and not through the expectations and the seemingly lack of understanding of others.
Good luck.... you are brave Happygirl and you are able to step out of that thick mud and onto a much less exhausting path.
Hi Sarah,
Thanks for your reply. I do feel more positive about the future but you're right - it's the present that's not brilliant. As i mentioned before - in the past i would have knuckled down and waded through the mud - but now I feel "Why should I - why should I put up with all this boredom, difficulty etc". I guess it's a turning point as I've already made some changes for the future and this now has to be completed
We can not change anyone else, we can only change ourselves and our situation.
I agree with you as I don't want to change anyone - just make them more agreeable/helpful which would be a win/win situation for them and me. As it is - it's a win/lose situation and it could end up as lose/lose situation. This is a personal viewpoint - If someone asked me to do something small that would make their lives easier then i'd happily do it (so long as it wasn't breaking the law/morally wrong etc) but some others don't have this attitude - which I do find puzzling. One example is that i visit my great aunt every day after work (I also visit parents as well). I work full time so when i visit I'd like her to at least be civil to me. But she's not. So after a day at work i have to put up with rudeness, moans, groans etc. If she was better towards me then i would happily continue my daily visits (win/win situation) - but as it stands - I don't think (with all the other committments I have) that I can carry on visiting someone who makes me so miserable and fed up (lose/lose situation). 🙁
Hi Sarah,
I agree with you as I don't want to change anyone - just make them more agreeable/helpful which would be a win/win situation for them and me. As it is - it's a win/lose situation and it could end up as lose/lose situation.
Hi Happygirl
I sympathize with your feelings above and as Sarah said, you cannot change anyone, not even a little bit (making them more helpful).
You can only choose to change your reaction to events, choose not to be upset or offended by their behaviour. And I do know from personal experience that it is not easy but we have to take charge and accept responsibility for our anything in our life.
You have chosen your name of Happygirl, remind yourself of it often.
x
:nature-smiley-008:
You can only choose to change your reaction to events, choose not to be upset or offended by their behaviour. And I do know from personal experience that it is not easy but we have to take charge and accept responsibility for our anything in our life.
You have chosen your name of Happygirl, remind yourself of it often.
Hi Daniela,
I know what you mean and I am trying not to be offended/affected by other's behaviour. Sometimes I'm successful - other times not - depends on whether I'm tired etc. Sometimes I can take it/ignore it and sometimes not. As I mentioned to Sarah - I simply can't undertsand the mindset of someone who could change something small yet make the situation so much easier/better for themselves and everyone else. I don't particularly want to cut anyone out of my life - especially those who are close to me - but it's so hard not to be affected by their behaviour.
I've been meaning to pm you with an update - so will do that soon.
Take care,
Happygirl (my moniker was chosen because I couldn't think of anything better at the time - LOL - so perhaps I'd better live up to it) 🙂
Hi there! Sorry to butt in on your conversation with my first post 🙂 What strikes me though, is that maybe you're just trying to do too much right now? It's great that you're planning on courses and such in the future, but when will you find time?
If there's nobody else around to visit your aunt and parents then of course I understand that you'd probably prefer to check on them once a day but if somebody could in theory be helping you out then there's no reason why you shouldnt be able to step back and take a couple of days off from this routine, especially if you let people know that their help is needed on those days. You're more than doing your bit by visiting several times a week, and a couple of hours off to do what you want to do or relax could be just what you need. 🙂
Hi Seashells,
Welcome to HP and thanks very much for your post.
You are right - I had 1 day (a working day that is) last year when I didn't visit - and Oh the relief to just go home after work, put on the kettle and watch the end of daytime telly (never get the chance to watch it) without having to go out. Don't get me wrong - I don't mind doing it - but I had been thinking of cutting back a little bit. The courses are fine - as i've factored in time for them. :). Thanks for your support and kind words.
Change
Hi Happy
It strikes me that you are indeed in the process of change and as such all aspects of the past are in flux, think of it as the catapiller that wants to become a butterfly, it does not happen overnight and there is pain along the way and you will not know yourself as you are changing from old to new. Change always has consequencies and others will make up there mind if they can change to accomodate your change or not and if they cannot you must allow them to move on in there life which is never easy.
Hope this helps
Ian