Am I being irresponsible?

RE: Am I being irresponsible?

I've often read on these boards times where someone is after feedback from "the universe" and they start to write in a stream of consciousness way - it just flows out. They then post it off.

If you re-read what you posted from the point of view of a detached observer/a wise guide as if you were there to guide someone else in that position then what would you say? Who or what do they have a responsibility to the most?

Best Wishes.

RE: Am I being irresponsible?

oh Reikiangel, I really don't know what to say except may you all be happy, and may this be the right decision.
Lots of love to you,
Sharonxx

RE: Am I being irresponsible?

it sounds like you are very clear on this matter, Reiki.

so what i am hearing is...

you know what you want, what your options are, and where you see yourself going.

you feel the need to move on, and a willingness to move on and let go and be happy.

just my reflective observations.

if you are ready and willing and able to make this move for yourself, why not take the opportunity to do it and grow?

RE: Am I being irresponsible?

Good Luck Reikiangel in whatever path you choose to thread! We all deserve happiness!
Tara x

RE: Am I being irresponsible?

Oh it does sound like it is your husband who is the only person afraid of the change and this sounds like a familiar pattern of his life, whereas you have been the person to make the changes and take the risks.

I can only say follow your heart, and give you my own example of how I have faces a similar situation with the hope it might give you strength;

I was living in London with my boyfriend of 7 years but I was troubled by certain aspects of the relationship and ti all boiled down to the fact that I could never envisage myself with him forever, getting married, having kids etc So eventually we made the terrifically hard decision to break up. I was like your husband (not wanting the change) and he was like you and needed the break to happen. We agreed to part. It was a hard year after that for me but eventually I met a wonderful man, complete soulmate, and after 9 months moved in with him in Hertfordshire away from all my friends,took half his mortgage etc and have NEVER LOOKED BACK!

Wonderful things can happen when you make a change like this. I don't think that you should feel guilty for any impact that wanting to leave would have on any other person because this will only hold you back again. If I thought you were being selfish I'd say so, but really everyone must follow their heart and deal with the consequences in the most adult and spiritually strong way thereafter.

You deserve to be happy as an individual. I know that divorce is a big step but at the same time, it is only a piece of paper and human emotions and the human ability to be flexible and positive through difficult situations is far stronger.

I'm sure the universe will help you to make the right decision. After all, you can always move back if things don't work out. People will still be there for you.

Alx x

RE: Am I being irresponsible?

Dear Reikiangel

I will be blunt Reikiangel as there are many lives involved here not just your desires and wants etc. To be honest no plans for your daughter should be made without the children knowing the full truth, otherwise it is quite likely they will feel deceived by you.

I do not want to be 50, 60, 70

The word I WANT is coming up here and I WANT is not heart centre. It is very easy to make these plans when you have been used to financial and emotional support. Living alone is a real test of your integration and if ever sick it can be very hard if and when there isn;'t anyone to take care of you, especially in old age.

and still in a marriage that doesn't make me happy anymore.

Well wanting someone else to make you happy is not the best basis for a relationship because happiness is not outside of yourself.

I have known people who have gone to Somerset and came back because there was not enough work to keep them going.

If I had my time again I would have taken a lot more responsibility and made sure that I had some money in a property before selling all to go to Australia. I know a few spiritual women that have already done what you are planning and now they are sad that the money is gone. Just this weekend a lady said I will never be able to have my own home again and life is much more of struggle than I imagined it would be.

I recommend you read the discourse on self discipline that teaches us not to do things purely on a wing and a prayer.

The fact that you have made this post tells me you have some doubts otherwise you would not be posting or asking for advice.

I hope that there is a happy conclusion for everyone in the family including your husband.

Divine Love

RE: Am I being irresponsible?

here is a link to the discourse

Divine Love

RE: Am I being irresponsible?

Dear Spinal Music and Candy thank you both for your thoughts.

Dear Ann thank you also for posting, I know this is right for me at this time, and Evo coach, I have re-read through my post and you were right. I know what i would be saying to a friend!

Dear Alxpix thank you so much for sharing your experiences. It helps to hear of others in similar circumstances.

Dear DivineLove thank you for taking the time to read my post and for the feedback, I appreciate it.
I was slightly surprised that you appear to put the concerns of being alone and ill and the need to have bricks and mortor ahead of what is an important step. Why do you assume I am going to be stillalone in my old age, I have plenty of years to maybe find another soul to share my journey with! I also am definitley NOT expecting anyone to make me happy, I said my marriage was no longer happy. I think you may not have understood what I posted, this is not a whim and on a wing and a prayer decision. I have had a long time to think about where my life is going and how I have got here.
I am going to tell my daughters what my plans are, one is 22 and about to buy her own home with her boyfriend in Lincoln and my 16 year old is taking her exams in a few months, hence NOT wanting to say anything yet so as not to interfere with her future.
You do not know the full story of what has happened between my husband and myself but I can honestly say ( and he agrees) that I have been the one who has fought to keep us together and he has made no effort whatsoever. So, if the pattern is repeating once again despite all my efforts where do I draw the line, what lesson is it that I've not learnt for this to be happening again?

I believe it is that I need to know when it is time to let go, and for my husband to start taking responsibility for his actions and behaviour. While I am still with him I am enabling him to continue, a bit like a alcoholic's wife I suppose. There have been occasions in the past when I have said I would leave him but as I never followed this through he felt it was ok to continue what he was doing.

I did read through the link you mentioned and I found this part which made sense of how I am feeling:

A lack of motivation can sometimes be connected to a lack of fulfilment, happiness and joy which can be the result of negative energy in all its shapes and forms. So look around you what do you see and feel? Consider that which no longer serves you and surrender it to the divine. In this way you create a space in your life condition that opens the door for the new phase in your life to begin. Are you waiting for a new teacher or have you already met them and did not recognise them immediately? They say that the teacher arrives when the student is ready but sometimes the student can miss the teacher due to their own lack of integration.

Never forget that we are here to assist you every step of your journey. Once you have given contemplation to this then seek our help so that you can sacrifice that which you feel is holding you back, then your rebirth can come to be.

The passing of the old self and the birth of the new. Spiritual aspirants will go through this personal portal many times on their journey and with every initiation and leap in consciousness one moves closer to reaching the destination at the right time and in the right place. Imagine each step like climbing a ladder leading to heaven's door.

I AM considering what no longer serves me and AM about to surrender it to the divine. I'm READY for the new phase of my life to begin. I AM asking for assistance to help me sacrifice that which is holding me back, ready for my re-birth. As healer this is so painful as it goes against my very nature to cause pain and hurt in those I love.

At the end of the day only I know what is right for me and I'm sorry if that sounds selfish but it is not what I WANT but what I need.
&n

RE: Am I being irresponsible?

Hi Reikiangel

Well it seems to me that you have made up your mind and I don't think you are acting on a whim! You seem to have thought everything through, and don't think that it will all be roses, you know that it might not be easy but will cope.

I certainly don't think that you should stay with someone with whom you have tried several times to change things and these things keep on coming back, especilally things that are important to you and your life. We came to earth for a reason and we meet people for a reason too, but we also leave people behind for reasons. I feel that you have learnt what you were supposed to learn with your husband and now it is time to move to something else, and it is not good to stay in this life because of financial stability I agree with you.

I also think that the way you handled your daughters choice is good, because she took her decicion wiht out having guilt to choose between you and your husband. It will be difficult enough as it is and no use in making her feel guilty, she chose her school because of what can offer her.

Just a question have you used Reiki in this? Have you sent Reiki to the situation or use a Reiki box?

You will make the right decision and stop with ifs as we say If my aunt had balls she would be my uncle!![sm=rollaugh.gif]
You will find solutions to what ever comes your way even if it is difficult use your Reiki for guidance and go where your path leads you.

I will put you and your family on my healing list and hope that your life will improve in the way you want it to.

May you be surrounded by love and light

Thinkerbell [sm=sandrine.gif]

RE: Am I being irresponsible?

Hi Reikiangel,

The title of your post refers to responsibility , but to OTHERS. Of course, you are aware enough to realise that we must take responsibility first for ourselves.

Many people are still of the impression that this is selfish, but how much terrible UNhappiness does it cause to deny your own happiness? Quite a lot !

If you are not able to live a life in touch with your own inner peace then you are ready to take action and make a change.

Change is never easy, although it can still be joyful, and in my experiences, being able to embrace change is one of the greatest abilities, one of the most freeing things we can do.

You have thought it through, many many times, envisaged your new life - your heart is pulling you forwards.

Recently I had to make painful decisions about a relationship, and it was a huge challenge, and I live with some slight degree of uncertainty about my choice, but I am unburdened, happier by far, full of energy and positivity, and trusting that sometimes we have to be 'cruel' to be kind.

I send you every ounce of encouragement, do not be afraid, relish the chance to rediscover YOU !

With love Ru xx

RE: Am I being irresponsible?

Dear Reikiangel

You finished your post on what I need which is the same as wants and desires for self. Serving your own needs is not unconditional love and is also not the heart centre of I GIVE.

There are times in our lives when we can decide what is 'essential' because 'the soul requires an inner sanctum of peace to reach its fullest potential'. However, human needs come from lower levels of consciousness and often are a result of unmet needs in childhood.

I was slightly surprised that you appear to put the concerns of being alone and ill and the need to have  bricks and mortor ahead of what is an important step.

I never put anything ahead of anything; just sharing the pros an cons from other women's life experience of walking the same way.....It is very easy to take things for granted when you have them. Would you make the same decision if you knew that you would live alone the rest of your life or if you knew you would never have your own home again?

Why do you assume I am going to be still alone in my old age,

I assume nothing. However, it is not as easy as you think.

I have plenty of years to maybe find another soul to share my journey with! 

I sincerely hope that this becomes a reality for you.

I also am definitley NOT expecting anyone to make me happy, I said my marriage was no longer happy. 

Not a lot of difference between the two......the upshot is you are unhappy and because you are unhappy the marriage is no longer happy.

However, its a bit like some people think that a new car, a new baby or a move to a new place will make them happy; when in reality they take the unhappiness with them; because the root cause of the real core issue has no been solved.

I wish you great happiness Reikiangel, just sharing the pros and cons to help you to be sure that you are not doing as your question asked.

Divine Love

RE: Am I being irresponsible?

Thank you Divine Love for your thoughts, I do appreciate them,

Love and light

reikangel

xxx

RE: Am I being irresponsible?

Dear Reiki Angel

Hi I do not think you are being irrresponsible. You must do what in your heart, feels right for you. I think you know what that is. I am the same age as you. When you get to our age (you would think we were really old wouldn`t you ha ha ) you begin to think about how you want the rest of your life to be. If you have been unhappy, you want that to change. So all I am going to say to you is. If you are ready and deep down this is what you want to do.YOU KNOW THIS IS RIGHT FOR YOU.

Peace Love and Light Big Buddha

RE: Am I being irresponsible?

Hello Reikiangel,

Ifound your thread most inspiring. To me, it sounds like you have spent many years doing the things you 'should' do whilst now you are going to do the things you want to do. It doesn't seem that you are doing these things on a whim but have deliberated over this decision and its consequencesfor a while.

When I am coaching clients, common obstacles to happiness and success are the things we 'should' do ( things that tend to make others happy rather than ourselves) or financial considerations. Your decision is not going to render you penniless in monetary terms whilst having the capacity to enrich your life in many other (emotional) ways.

I applaud you being prepared to take such a step. As you say, many people look back on their lives, usually on a birthday ending with a '0' and regret not doing what they really wanted.

Best of luck with your exciting new adventure!

Helen

RE: Am I being irresponsible?

Dear Thinkerbell, thank you for thinking of my family and sending healing. I am very grateful.

Dear Ruminumi thank you so much for sharing and your kind thoughts.

Dear Big Buddha thank you. Maybe we should start a club for "people of our age"!

Dear Redfern,
Thank you so much for your positive post. I was beginning to get confused about why I was doing this and your positive post really helped me to focus again.
My husband is talking about what 'we' are going to be doing and he is forgetting thatI don't see an 'us' in the future.

I had clients yesterday for Angel card readings and about an hour or so after they had gone I did a reading for myself, focussing on my decisions. These are the cards that came up:

PAST Angel of Glory' I sing praise and glory to the Source of all Life'

PRESENT Angel of Knowing 'My sense of inner knowing leads me to the light

HIGHER SELF Angel of Eternal Love 'As I let Love in it stays in my soul forever'

SITUATIONS AROUND ME AT THIS TIME Angel of Faith ' I have Faith that goodness and joy are mine now and forever'

POSSIBLE FUTURE Angel of the West 'I create the reality around me with thoughts of pure love and goodness'

Couldn't have asked for a more direct 'sign' about my path!

Love and light

reikiangel

xxx

RE: Am I being irresponsible?

Hi Reikiangel,

((HUG))

another ((HUG)) ... and feck it another one.

I know the space of the whole thing being in your head and wanting to break out ... you seem to be there.

As we grow our space needs to grow too. I have seperated twice in the the last ten years. Children involved both times. All very deep reasons like yours. Both women and all kids are very happy because we are all still getting what we want.

I will keep this short.

You can never "leave" him, merely move into a further away field and cease to be his lover. (You didn't mention that at all, by the way.) When children are involved the link is definately permanent; paying attention and seperating s l o w l y really helps this in the long term. REALLY helps this, and the kids can "see" mom and dad still "together" on this.

Alxpix said earlier she and her partner BOTH decided it was best to part. Try and get this going ... even if you leave first. For this is what will preserve the quality of the relationship, and SHOW your OWN kids HOW TO DO IT if they ever need to. (sad ... but very very true)

This is what happened with me. I was told we rewrote the book on seperation, we did.

PM me if you need support/advice.

You are ALREADY on your way; watch the language thing ... focus on how they will benefit ... instinctivily you know. You are a mother after all.

And I WOULD definately keep money for a house. 2nd class citizen without it; maybe you both could buy you a house in some deal.

Much Love

((More HUGS))

a new adventure beckons, go slow and amaze yourself.

j..mmm

RE: Am I being irresponsible?

Great post by J.mmm !

It echoed my experiences of separation and divorce -
always uppermost in my mind was the effect it would have on the children , and years down the line that attention has paid off -
everyone has new partners, children are doing amazingly well at school, happy and balanced, life is good.
As the one who instigated the separation, I made it my duty to be as caring and thoughtful as I could, and this made a huge difference. It was not always easy ( at times my tongue must have been raw from being bitten so much !) but I am so glad I did things that way.
And as J..mmm says, maybe in this way we break the dysfunctional aspects of changing, moving on, and show the next generation that if we do things with love and respect then partings can be a natural progression to another place that you need to be.

With love Ru xx

RE: Am I being irresponsible?

Dear J.mmm thank you so much for your post, it made me laugh out loud when I read the first part!! I understand what you are saying about listening etc and will make sure that is something that will take priority.
Dear Ru thank you too for sharing again, it does help to know others have been through the same but have been able to lessen the damage.
We have had some sort of breakthrough. My husband was upset that I had been 'talking' to strangers about our situation and said it was unfair as he didn't have anyone he could share his feelings with (as he is a very private person and obviously finds it hard to share emotional things...hence our problem!). He said he was bottling up all his feelings with no way of releasing them. Ihave a very good friend who I have known since senior school and she has known my husband as long as I have. Her husband left her and their 2 children about 7 years ago which cameas a complete shock to her and she ended up having amental breakdown. She and my husband have a lot in common in some ways, they both have suffered from depression and being over weight but my friend has been able to get her life back together and re-married a widower 2 years ago and is even stronger now.

I asked my husband that if my friend was willing would he talk to her and her husband as they have both been through something similar and would understand how he was feeling? To my surprise he said yes! I saw my friend on Friday and asked her if that would be ok ( I know she will be fair and not take sides as she loves us both). She has agreed and we are going over for dinner soon and I am prepared to take on board what they have to say.

On another note on the spur of the moment I asked my husband if he wanted an Angel card reading ( again, a client had been about 2 hrs before). He agreed and I said that I would read the interpretations of the cards from the book (I don't normally , I channel) so that he knew I wasn't manipulating the reading.

Well, it was amazing! The accuracy was spot on, all about being free and changes etc. He is an old soul and it seems it's his time to re-connect with his faith agian. As my husband is a bit cynical aboutcard readings he was quite knocked out! In fact he said it had given him some hope that life would get better.

So, that is how things are at the moment,

Love and light

reikiangel

xxx

RE: Am I being irresponsible?

Reikiangel
My heart goes out to you as you make this difficult decision in your life. I am currently reading the book 'Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway' by Susan Jeffers - have you read it? You might find it helpful at this time, especially the chapter on making decisions.

Although I have struggled with some aspects of the book I am finding it hugely helpful in my own life at the moment. My background has always been one of putting others first. All my life it has been drummed into me that being selfish is bad and others must always come first. I read the Bible a lot and obviously there is much to reinforce the thinking that true love means serving others. However the older I get the more I realise that we must also love ourselves. As children of God we are valuable and precious and also deserve to be happy. It came as a great relief to me to learn that love does not mean deferring to what others want ALL THE TIME! It sounds as if you have been deferring to your husband all your life and now you have said enough is enough.

I do hope that even at this stage, there might be some hope for your marriage. It is always sad and painful when a marriage ends but this is something only you can decide. It can often be difficult for those around us when we wake up to being our own person and again Susan Jeffers deals with this in her book. We have to find ways of making our loved ones understand that we need to grow and change but sometimes they are unwilling to do this. Your husband sounds as if he might want to try and understand and that can only be good.

My best wishes to you and your family and I hope you will let us know how it works out.

4evagreen

RE: Am I being irresponsible?

hiya honey
I am not a life coach so wont pretend to give any advice or thoughts based on that but I have known you (via here) a long timenow. You know what you want and you know whatyou need (and yes we do have wants we are still human and it is not wrong/selfish to have these just normal and natural). You are a strong successful vibrant woman, follow your heart and seek your new space and may it be filled with love and warmth.

Hugs
T
xx

RE: Am I being irresponsible?

i wish you great joy in your choices, remember the strength of your true feelings every time someone tries to blur the edges as the passion for change can fade if it is not nurtured.

RE: Am I being irresponsible?

Hi Reikiangel,

YEAA!!

(((([color="#990000"]CYBER HUGS WORK!))))

YEAA!!

That is so cool. In ways once ye are both on a path; there is no harm done.

Taking a "left turn" via your friend will make all the difference. My ex (14 years) was very private like that. I was "allowed" talk to no one ... so I "ended up with "hidden" friends on the internet. It was crazy. It is quite a burden in the real world. And yet I allowed this to happen.

Perhaps, also, if I may say; leave your friend and him talk alone. Leastways you are not involved. I know I would say more if "you" were not there. The exercise is an "initial opening up" one. That is just a view I see. Keeping your "process" seperate it important too. The extra party in this is a part of creating some separation.

I learned that "any couples ability to merge, is dependant on their ability to seperate".
Together/Seperate/Together/Seperate ... etc. Looks like you have been "together" a long time ... I think a lot of couples do this, and when the "course" is over, what looks like final seperation is just actually a very very long pause ... you always remain friends.

((HUG))

J..mmm

RE: Am I being irresponsible?

HI

I have only read half of this thread but after 30 years of marriage why waste another 30 years of an unhappy marriage.

We only live once and are a long time dead. As long as you are aware nothing is going to be a bed of roses - which you seem to know its not - then go for it. By the sounds of it you have put everyone first - this time you are putting yourself first. Your children are both old enought to make a decision for themselves and I agree with why you are not telling the 16 year old yet as it could be too upsetting for her. She can make her choice after the exams.

I would rather be happy and on my own then in a loveless marriage.

Go for it - you can always change and do something different if things dont go according to plan but you will always kick yourself and have a what if feeling if you do nothing.

If you always do what you have always done you will always get what you have always got.

Good luck

RE: Am I being irresponsible?

Hi Reiki angel

Just to say my wife reads lots and lots of books on different subjects. When you are ready there is a book called spiritual divorce by Debbie Ford. She said it is a very good book.

Best wishes Big Buddha

RE: Am I being irresponsible?

Wow! Reikiangel!! I admire you so much for making such a big and positive change!!

You are a kind and wonderful person, I will always remember what you did for me.

You know what you feel inside is right. You are probably surrounded by voices of dissent and feel you have to justify yourself,but those otheropinions are coming from fear and possibly jealousy.

I believe it is vital for your spirit to follow what you want as well as what you need. If you don't follow your dreams you can become physically ill. The idea of being a martyr and denying your wants and needs is far more odious than being guided by them, as long as there isn't a direct motivation to hurt others.

I think, contrary to being irresponsible, you are being totally responsible.

I'm wanting to make a change (which I will be presently posting about), I only wish I had your courage, even though I've got a lot less to take into consideration.

Wishing you the very best,

Tiger.

RE: Am I being irresponsible?

Dear Reikiangel

I am a brand new member and am moved by your post. I just want to say that I am a littlesurprised that so many people have given out and out advice on such a personal matter. I guess some of them may know you well?

In my practice my intention is never to give advice but to facilitate people to find their own answers. If there is one thing I hold as true, it is that we allhave our own answers within our own hearts, and that talking to others ishelpful when they listen fully, act as mirrors, andsupport us with their love and attention while we find the answers we are seeking.

So, I'msending you energies of love and support while you findyour truth and courage within.

Karen [&:]

RE: Am I being irresponsible?

Hi Chris,

I just wanted to echo Tracy's post and say that, for as long as I've known you on HP, you've always come across as if you know yourself well, and know what you need to change to progress in your lifes journey. You really do have a very strong 'core' and that always shines through. Even though events and situations that upset you come and go, you always remain strong and levelheaded. You've taken a 'risk' before and things all worked out....perhaps because you believe that the universe always supports you (and I think it does:D.) From what you say, I think that releasing your relationship with your husband sounds the right thing to do, and I never doubt for one minute that you have all the strength you need to carry out the other changes and do what you feel in your heart is the right thing to do.

Much love to you and your family at this time,

Hugs and Reiki Blessings,

Azalia xx[sm=love-smiley-009.gif][sm=FIFangel.gif]

RE: Am I being irresponsible?

Good morning everyone, I came here this morning and was so amazed at all the new posts since last time. I appreciate all the time you have taken to share with me.

Dear 4_eva_green,
Thank you for your post. I have heard of the book you mentioned, maybe it's something that might help my husband?

Dear Tigerbee
Lovely to 'see' you again! Thank you for your support and kind words. I hope you and the boys in your family are keeping well.

Dear northernlights,
You are so right about remembering the certainty I felt to do this. Things get muddled/confusing when you feel the pain of the person you are affecting. A few times I feel as if I have been 'bulldozed' into agreeing to something only to find the next day that it doesn't feel right and having to say this and face the upset all over again.

Dear J.mmmm,
Keep those cyber hugs coming lol!

Dear susan2,
Thank you for your support. I love my husband (how could I not after all that we have shared over the past 30 years?), but it is as a brother/sister. Sadly he says he still loves me the same.

Dear Big Budha,
Thank you for the information. I will definately keep an eye out for that book. I hope your headaches are easing.

Dear Tigerlily,
Thank you for your kind words. I think we both need to remember we create the reality around us so we should concentrate on creating a more harmonious life! Good luck with your dream.

Dear Cara,
Thank you for your kind wishes, they are very much appreciated. I posted on this forum because I knew anyone responding would have an idea of how I was feeling. I know that at the end of the day the desicion and responsibility lie with me.

Dear Azalia,
Thank you for your kind words and the love you are sending to my family. For someone so young in human years you are a very wise soul!

My husband and I went to our friend's for dinner on Saturday and I'm glad we did. My husband was happy to talk with me present ( I did offer to leave them alone in case there were things he didn't want to say in front of me). In fact I was surprised at how much he did open up in front of her. As I mentioned before my friend has known my husband as long as I have. Her husband of 20 years left her 9 years ago with 2 young children and she had a breakdown which I and many others helped her through. She is a Christian and has happily re-married 3 years ago. An ideal person to understand how my husband might be feeling.
To cut a long story short she asked both of us quite difficult questions. At the end of the evening she asked us both to write down 3 things that we would like the other to do to show that we were prepared to make an effort. This was SO hard for me because at the back of my mind was the thought " we've done this before but it didn't work for long". she was quite clear with my husband that at the end of the day you cannot MAKE someone stay with you, however much you love them. She also made it clear to me that 30yrs is a long time and to think hard before making a final descion because there would be no going back.

So, we are going to try the list we each wrote and are seeing my friend in 2 weeks to see how things are.

Thank you all once again for the love that you are sharing with my family,

Love and light

reikiangel

xxx

RE: Am I being irresponsible?

Dear Reikiangel

Having read your post from the beginning I was loath to offer any advice because I couldn't decide how I felt!! That may sound strange but my feelings were conflicting, I

(a) thought that 30 years is a long time to give up on and
(b) you should go with your heart and intuition.

So, honey, where does that leave you - making up your own mind which is just as it should be, regardless of any advice given by anyone here or elsewhere.

May I wish you all the luck in the world darlin' with whichever decision you make. Be assured it will be the right decision for you at this time, but then you already know this don't you.

Much love to you.
xx