ok...so this question has been driving me round the bend for the past - i dont know - 11 years. and i need some answers.
i still- at the age of 21- dont know if m gay or straight. How does that happen... well.. put it this way. i have fallen madly in love with men. but when i say in love i mean that everything about their character and their looks, even their smell, drives me nuts and i just want to be accepted by them and be important in their lives. it s a horrible feeling to have the aching emotion that will never be returned.
however, i have had sex with men. not with men i had fallen in love with , with men who seemed to be up for it at the time. i get these urges, as weveryone does. urges to have sex and since i ahve NEVER been in a relationship i have never really been able to be human and have someone to share these things with...so sue me i m not perfect. the thing is that when i had sex with these men all of a sudden - half way through- i freaked out and suddenly felt very very--- straight.
i have tried to have a heterosexual relationship but i just cant. i try to get myself to be attracted to other girls but it s just impossible. no matter how sexy they are it just doenst happen. and besides i dont want to go out with a girl and not have the same attraction for her that she has for me. i believe in honesty and i just couldnt pretend to be straight... it s just not fair on the other person.
so what am i? do all guys fall in love with other men but dont like having sex with them? am i a freak for feeling like this? will it ever go away? will i ever knw what i am?
here is some info about me to hepl u answer these questions:
i m the youngest of 6 kids ( 4 sisters one bro)
never had a relationship with my father or brother
most of my friends are girls.
i have been brainwashed into thinking homosexuality is a sin
there you go....feel free to give honest advice.
Hi Riff,
Firstly, you're not a freak or abnormal for feeling the way you do. It sounds to me like part of the issue here is about the deep-seated fear that being gay is a sin. Many gay men (and lesbians) struggle with their sexuality because there are still many in society who believe that same-sex relationships are wrong or a sin. It's quite probable that these feelings are rising to the surface when you are allowing yourself to be yourself and experience sexual relations with other men.
If you don't find women attractive at all, then it does sound quite likely that you are gay. As a gay man I struggled quite a lot during my teens and eventually "came out" when I was 17 - I never really came to terms properly with my sexuality, or felt totaly comfortable saying "I am gay" until I was about 28. Many of my gay friends have been through similar and quite a few didn't come out until they were in their mid-20s.
Do you belong to any groups for young gay men? I think this might be helpful for you to interact with others who are going through the same things as you. You might also like to have a look at which is a lesbian and gay chat forum and a good place to get support for things like this. It's also a good place to meet other gay men and lesbians.
I hope this helps, but if I can be of any further help do pm me.
groups for young gay men? HA ..... not in my country. i live in MALTA. do you know where that is? or rather WHAT that is? a country no bigger than london and which has 366 churches, priests and bishops who almost control the politicians, and an aging population that is soooo narrow minded that even the thought of opening a group for gay anything would be like selling your soul to the devil. not to mention a few other problems that involve my family!!!! forget it.... the only way i can make sure this remains a secret is if i dont tell ANYONE - secrets spread fast in a country that has a population of 400 000. the only time i ve been able to be gay was when i go abroad... but i can t keep doing that - it costs money.
secondly... about my sexuality. the thing is that there are times when i feel straight and there are times when i feel gay. i have no control over these times and the "straight"times are few and far between. that being said it doesnt feel like my fears are rising to the surface...rather it feels like a rush of testosterone running through my body...for a while. usually i m really happy when that happens but it goes away quickly and then i m back to being gay. is that normal? no i cannot fource myself to like a girl... i feel sad inside when i do cos i dont feel like a girl can give me what i want... physically but especially emotionally, and i also feel messed up when i try for women. but the if i do end up with a guy all or a sudden i crave tits. but just for that short period of time.
do straight guys have gay feelings sometimes? does this sort of thing pass with time?
Riff... you're still quite young and it is not unusual to be confused about one's sexuality, especially in a place where being openly gay is not really the done thing. It's also quite possible that you may be bi-sexual. I would suggest trying to get some counselling - I'm not sure how easy that will be where you are.
I understand you're also frustrated by this, but I did find the beginning of your post offensive. Just because we live in the UK, it doesn't mean that we are unaware of other countries or unsympathetic to those who live there.
As I mentioned, I would also suggest you look at logging on to forums which have predominantly gay and lesbian members (like the outeverywhere.com site). You will find a lot of support from people there who can help you deal with what you're going through
I wish you well.