weaning off breast feeding and eating

First off, you've done nothing wrong. If your baby is gaining weight as she should and seems happy, why worry? I had some sage advice from a health visitor when I said that I thought some of the staff there were over obsessive about getting my son weighed. She said, if you think he's well and healthy, and he feels like he's putting on weight, stop getting him weighed. Worked a treat.

Anyway, the point is that babies absolutely should not go onto cows milk before at least a year. And if they think there's a problem with breastfeeding more than 3 times a day, my youngest fed 7 or 8 times a day until we stopped at 14 months. Mostly that was for drinks but even so, that's what he wanted. If you want to start introducing a cup or beaker, get someone else to do it and take the time to have a soak in the bath. You could do with a relax and some "you" time by the sound of it. Again from my own experience, my son wouldn't take anything but breast from me but would happily take cups or beakers of juice or water or bottles of expressed milk from anyone else. And he would scream the place down if I got stressed about anything, perfectly content and calm the second he was taken by anyone else.

I hope that helps. You're not alone, and you've done absolutely nothing wrong!

HI

thanks so much for your response I have spent most of the day in tears crying. My baby is gaining wait but very slowly But she was crawling at 5 months and is now walking (with her walker) at 10 months. She is very active. Your right I feel exhausted and stressed out. I have had lots of different opinions and its so confusing (as you can tell she is my first). I also thought you could not give cows milk before 12 months but the health visitor said give it is okay but not for her main drink. I feel so exhausted and run down by all the advice and very frustrated. Some of the women have not had children and they just dont realise how hard it all is.

Thanks for your note I feel so much better!

SOOOO agree with Lynne. If you want to introduce the cup to the wee one, get someone else to do it. Plus, always have it around her, just with water in it, so that she can reach for it herself, rather than waiting for it to be 'thrust upon her'!! If you want to start weaning her off you, then do what you are doing now - start with one meal, and when she has finished eating, leave her with someone else to give her a drink from the cup, that way, you won't get stressed.

Both my girls were breast fed until their second birthdays, at which point, Peace and Quiet (family name for my boobs!) were put away for the last time, and only cups offered from then on. Neither of them batted an eyelid. I gave them cows milk twice a day - with cereal in the mornings and then warm at night. I have to say that the time I missed feeding them the most was the last one, after their bath, when they smelt so lovely I just wanted to eat them!!! At that time, from the birthday, they would have their cup of warm milk, and we would read a story..... this carried on until they were 10. I read good stories!

I'm afraid I threw away the only baby advice book I was given after about a week! Like Lynne, I was told that if I felt my child was thriving, I should not get hung up about how much they weighed compared to all the other little hippos at the clinic (and when I say hippos......!) Ignore all the daft advice. Babies arn't born with the ability to tell time or read 'baby rearing' books. Do what you feel is best and enjoy her - they grow up too damn quick. My babies are 23 and 19 now, and I wouldn't have done anything differently despite what everyone 'advised'. I now have two beautiful well adjusted charming young women who I love to bits. Just don't get me started on their choice of boyfriends.....

Whereas I have two very pre-Raphaelite ladykillers of 12 and 9. The 12 year old's friends at school are all going through that "desperately chasing after girls" stage while he sits back and chats to them about whatever they feel like chatting about and makes friends. He's got the girls eating out of his hands! (Awaiting the sight of the first shotgun with trepidation).

And you know why that's relevant? Because as my mum always said, when they're running for the bus and yelling at their mates, who's going to know who walked or talked or weaned or anything else better or earlier or later or different? Your young lady is gaining weight more slowly now because she's more active now. She'll soon get the hang of food. And we all go off our food when we're not well and head for comfort instead, so it's no surprise she's eating less and feeding more if she's had a cold. The action of her jaw helps to keep her ears clear.

You're fine! If it were me I'd knock the trips to the baby clinic on the head because your HV is giving you advice contrary to what most paediatricians would recommend. You'll find with your second (have I said a rude word?) that you'll go less. You'll change nappies less too 😉 Have a look around for parenting websites (Babyworld, Netmums, Babycentre etc) and get on their forums. You'll be talking to other mums all over the world who're going through it all at the same time as you and there's nothing like another mum in the same position for making you feel better.

This was a looooong time ago now.... so I can't remember the timings but....
I breast fed my baby whenever she asked till she was ready to come off.
I remember that the weaning onto solids happened just naturally along the way.

One day I was so surprised that she refused the breast and that was the day she went straight onto a beaker of juice! I simply let her choose the flow of it all....

but ah well.... that is how it was for me.... a looooong time ago!

Good luck with it all!

I really appreciate your advice. Sorry to be on a downer but I cant stop crying this morning I just feel I have no support. My boyfriend and his mum tells me to carry on but unfort my sister and my mother think its disgusting to breast feed and I have had no support from them. In fact my mother has not bothered to speak to me or see my child since november but thats another boring story (too long to go into) thanks for all the advice sorry if I am on a downer just feel really on my own at the moment.

Don't worry susan2, vent away here whenever you feel the need. It's what we're here for. So, one more piece of advice. Ask opinions, consider them all and follow the one you think will work best for you and your baby. I've heard lots of arguments along the lines of breastfeeding being disgusting. One woman even told me she thought it was unnatural! My sister had the same problem with her mother-in-law that you're having with your mum. Sadly, since her MIL lived really near by, she ended up not breastfeeding just because she couldn't bear the thought of the flak she would get.

I know how upsetting it is not to see your mum, or for her not to have seen her grandchild, but at the end of the day, if she's going to be self-righteous something that's your choice for your baby (and frankly none of her business), then it's her loss, not yours. Sure you won't see your mum, but think of all the stress you're missing out on by not having her around. She'll come around soon enough. She just has to understand that she's done a great job of bringing you up to be an independent, free thinking woman with your own opinions and ideas. You're a grown up now, and it strikes me from the little you've said that she's the one behaving like a child.

Having said that I'd dump the HV, it wouldn't be a bad idea to let her know how you're feeling so that she can keep an eye on it. Alternatively, speak to your GP. But I'd also get in touch with your [url]local NCT branch[/url] (if you haven't already) as they'll put you in touch with women in your area who've had babies around the same time as you. My best friends came from an NCT coffee morning 12 years ago.

Good luck. Feel free to vent here or PM me if you feel the need.

Hi Susan2. Sorry to hear that you are feeling so awful right now. Whilst everything you are experiencing could lead you to feel this way, have you had yourself checked out for post natal depression? You really need to do what you feel is right for your baby. I too was criticised as I fed my first child until he was two and a half (right through another pregnancy and birth as well as alongside the new baby). He sounded like your baby. Every immunisation (they were done much later 24years ago) had him back off the food and back on full time breast feeding, as did every childhood illness. He was an incredibly fussy eater while he was young and is now a veggie, but a strapping lad regardless. My daughter was completely different. Very lacksidasical about feeding generally and had to be woken to feed as my milk was drying up - she much preferred her thumb! I had to stop feeding her at 16 months due to essential medication I needed that would have harmed her. I introduced other foods (all fresh, home made and natural) from 7 months on for both of them. So they were eating as well as breast feeding although in varying amounts. Despite this, they both suffer from allergies and I can only imagine they would have been worse had I used commercial products, cows milk etc. Have faith in yourself. It is you that will have to look back on how you did it and live with those choices. You have had some very sound advice regarding weaning on this site that I would also endorse. Your baby will sense this tension in you and it makes it soooo easy for everything to escalate out of control. Feeding did become a battleground between myself and my first because I listened to others which is something I have regretted since. Don't let these issues spoil your pleasure in your baby. This time is brief enough as it is - make the most of it. All things pass be they good or bad.

Having said that I'd dump the HV, it wouldn't be a bad idea to let her know how you're feeling so that she can keep an eye on it. Alternatively, speak to your GP. But I'd also get in touch with your [url]local NCT branch[/url] (if you haven't already) as they'll put you in touch with women in your area who've had babies around the same time as you. My best friends came from an NCT coffee morning 12 years ago. Good luck. Feel free to vent here or PM me if you feel the need.

Hear hear!!!!! - Def put the HV at arms length - it isn't compulsory to see them! NCT is a BRILLIANT idea - I still meet my group (4 of us) on a regular basis (we drink alot!) and we first met 23 years ago!
Don't worry about your mother either. I had a similar relationship with mine. Advice and nagging from her constantly, which I was supposed to follow but never felt right, so I never carried it out! Luckily we didn't live too close, so I just did things how I wanted. Your little one is only going to be this little for a mere wisp of time - make the most of it. If people are getting you down, chant 'blah blah blah' in your head while they are speaking at you - always works a treat for me!

I had a little poem which I had framed and put on the kitchen wall:

Cooking and cleaning can wait till tomorrow,
For babies grow up, we have learned to our sorrow,
So quiet down, cobwebs, and dust, go to sleep
I'm rocking my baby
As babies don't keep.

xxxx

HI

I am really grateful for you guys taking time out to reply. I have to admit I feel so much better this afternoon. I love the poem. My boyfriend is always telling me to stop cleaning and worrying what people think of me. I am 36 years old and you would have thought I would have learned by now to stand up for myself. I have to admit the though of seeing the HV again does not feel me with joy. I think after my baby's last injection I wont bother going back. I think the reason why I am find it so tough is because both me and my baby is really ill with the cold and my baby groups are not on this week (not that I could go with this cold). I am with nct and I was thinking of ringing up the leader again as she is a breast feeding councellor (sp?)

thanks for your advice I have printed it out so when I get down I can read it again how sad am I!

ps Just called a breast feeding councellor who has gone through everything with me

hi i am weaning my little girl onto a bottle at the moment i am finding making a bottle of boiled cool water and putting it on the floor with her toys is helping her to be intrested in it, sucessfully managed to give her 4oz of expessed milk earlier, WHY are HV so adament over being the big say on these things my HV has never had a child so how can she judge!

Good luck
x

Just like midwives. When I was in labour with my eldest, I got to the hospital to discover that the two midwives checking me in were a woman expecting her first and a woman who'd never had a baby. And when they discovered my labour was all in my back, they went off to get someone else because they couldn't bear to watch a backache labour! Their words, not mine. Whereas it was no skin off my nose because I'd never had a period pain in my life but I'd had a lower back injury when I was a kid and knew how to deal with that kind of pain. Plus all my labours (even my miscarriages) were in my back so that's just the kind of labours I have.

Once again, mother knows best 😀