when will the others come and tell their stories? the othehrs who live inside me. when will trust develop? i have been hurt by an ex therapist.. my now therapist is ok and tried very hard...even went out to buy pencils and play dough... she had never done that before she said.... but i canthandle kindness... i absoluetly freak out cant take in kindness at all. when will trust develop... just enough trust to at least let her in? when will i rememer my childhood? my past? i have been on therapy all toghere 5 years. 2 yeears of this 3 times a week. the rest most of it 2 times a week. when will i be able to trust her enough? when will the others trust her enough? are there others? maybe my memories are just gone? i am rock bottom. i dont want to live anymore... i try so hard... she tries so hard.. but we are not moving how was it for others? trust... care kindness closeness... it disgusts me...but it shouldnt cos i need it to heal... i just dont know what to do anymore please help...
Mea I was moved by what you wrote. Your courage in continuing therapy for so long shows that you *DO* trust her, up to a point... just go at your own pace. If you feel able to talk to your therapist about the issue of trusting her, and the things that make it difficult for you to trust her (or presumably anybody), she will not be mortaly hurt or offended, and it may help the trust in your relationship to build.
Whatever happened to you was so cruel and you were so helpless, I am not surprised that it's hard for you to speak your truth, and to trust others. The journey you are on is long and hard, and I already admire your courage in having come so far.
Wishing you the very best future.
oh thank you bay :dft001::dft001:
i try to tell my therapist about the trust, i must trust her on some level i think... to keep continuing... like you said... i trust something yes... but ther eis also the knowledge that therapy is all i have left... so i keep going and going... most of the times cut off from my feelings.... to 'heal'... because where else can i gop? what else can i do if not therapy? yes... all myt relationships lack trust...they dont even really develop into relationships iin the first place...
i will keep on going to therapy... i want and need to... i want a life.... work friends etc... like others do... im not stupid..just.... i dont know.... wounded i guess.
thank you again bay
Hi mea, I understand very well the issue of trust. It takes time to trust, not only others but firstly yourself.
I have taken a similar journey that you are on; still am on the journey to some extent, what really helped me were flower and gem essences for healing from the affects of the past, because just speaking about it didn't seem to be enough to heal very deep trauma.
The essences work with layers of issues at a time, so that you can begin to unravel the past.
I wish you well on your journey, you are very courageous.
thank you rosi x
I am not sure whether it is ok to write this here but i have decided to take up journalling again... maybe in the hope that if i change something ...it will change something.... sigh...
thank you all for your help.... i will try to hang in there... if i give up therapy i have nothing else left
I journal and it is a great way of getting in touch with yourself and also dumping stuff that is in the head, it is a great way to clear the mind.
Hi Mea like others I think you are very courageous. I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers and sending some Reiki healing.
Linda x
thank you all. i think it was a bit silly of me to write here [or anywhere] or even talk about because no one can make it change for me... only i can ... and i dont know how....
You need something to remove the imprint of abuse at cell level. Counselling can't do that because it is mainly a left brain approach, but trauma is lodged in the right side of the brain.
Hello rosi.... would it be ok if i could buy some remedies from you?