Hi my name is Iris and I'm 15 years old.
Okay so last year at school, this guy from my class hit my arm 3 times, or that's what I thought. The last (and probably only) time he hit me I got so angry that I threw this small box against him and started yelling at him and then walked out of class. When I told what happened to my friends, who were near me at that time, they said that he only hit me once however to me I remember it being 3 times. They boy said he only hit me once as well.
In elementary school the same thing happened actually... I was walking through the hallways when a boy from my class started hitting my arm as well. Probably 5 minutes later I hit his balls with my knee because I got so angry at him. When I asked once of my friends who was also in the hallway at that moment to defend me, she said that she didn't see it happening. Me, the boy and my teacher had to talk about what happened. I remember feeling the pain in my arm but when I wanted to show him where the pain totally disappeared and never came back. The boy said he didn't hit me.
Why is this happening? Am I daydreaming or is it something else? I'm still getting judged because of this so please help.
x iris
Hi my name is Iris and I'm 15 years old.
Okay so last year at school, this guy from my class hit my arm 3 times, or that's what I thought. The last (and probably only) time he hit me I got so angry that I threw this small box against him and started yelling at him and then walked out of class. When I told what happened to my friends, who were near me at that time, they said that he only hit me once however to me I remember it being 3 times. They boy said he only hit me once as well.
In elementary school the same thing happened actually... I was walking through the hallways when a boy from my class started hitting my arm as well. Probably 5 minutes later I hit his balls with my knee because I got so angry at him. When I asked once of my friends who was also in the hallway at that moment to defend me, she said that she didn't see it happening. Me, the boy and my teacher had to talk about what happened. I remember feeling the pain in my arm but when I wanted to show him where the pain totally disappeared and never came back. The boy said he didn't hit me.
Why is this happening? Am I daydreaming or is it something else? I'm still getting judged because of this so please help.
x iris
hello Iris, welcome here on hp.
Interesting....
Most of our Perceptions are filtered by mind.
There are several versions of reality, Infact there are as many versions of an event as there are people who witness it.
What you hear, understand and interpret an event is likely to be different from the next person in varying degree.
Everyone has their filters through which they interpret and give meaning to the world around them. This filter will give a certain slant to everything.
Colored glasses....everyone has got their own colour and they see the world through them....in the same colour.
Person's inner narrative, defines the way they perceive people, words, events, situation. Everything is an emotional response inspired by that inner talk.
What you are doing at your age is quite a common thing...except that you have started to feel funny about it because you feel that you are being judged. And you are perhaps a tad embarrassed by the your story being way off the fact.
I would say, relax about it, there is absolutely nothing to worry about it. All people day dream....we all are away with the fairies, it is just that most think that they know what's what.
One thing, when, only when you feel there is anger arising....breathe into that anger with a yes attitude.
The pent up anger is causing blame and victim mode that you find are exaggerated in the way you feel about certain things.
Again. Please don't try to fix this anger or you....you are 15 and it's a very nubile age, all kinds of pressures build up, which will settle down in time and along with the exaggeration of a response.
Just recognise that there is an exaggeration of emotional response to throw away your blame at someone and take revenge..... laugh it away....it will fade away over time.
Even the cleverest of adults do that.
Hope it helps
hello Iris, welcome here on hp.
Interesting....Most of our Perceptions are filtered by mind.
There are several versions of reality, Infact there are as many versions of an event as there are people who witness it.
What you hear, understand and interpret an event is likely to be different from the next person in varying degree.
Everyone has their filters through which they interpret and give meaning to the world around them. This filter will give a certain slant to everything.
Colored glasses....everyone has got their own colour and they see the world through them....in the same colour.Person's inner narrative, defines the way they perceive people, words, events, situation. Everything is an emotional response inspired by that inner talk.
What you are doing at your age is quite a common thing...except that you have started to feel funny about it because you feel that you are being judged. And you are perhaps a tad embarrassed by the your story being way off the fact.
I would say, relax about it, there is absolutely nothing to worry about it. All people day dream....we all are away with the fairies, it is just that most think that they know what's what.
One thing, when, only when you feel there is anger arising....breathe into that anger with a yes attitude.
The pent up anger is causing blame and victim mode that you find are exaggerated in the way you feel about certain things.Again. Please don't try to fix this anger or you....you are 15 and it's a very nubile age, all kinds of pressures build up, which will settle down in time and along with the exaggeration of a response.
Just recognise that there is an exaggeration of emotional response to throw away your blame at someone and take revenge..... laugh it away....it will fade away over time.
Even the cleverest of adults do that.
Hope it helps
Thanks a lot!
This does help!
But I keep thinking, isn't it odd that both daydreams were about getting hit on my arm? Like, does it mean something that I'm daydreaming about this or is it just a coincidence?
Hi Iris,
Welcome to HP 🙂
I find myself disagreeing about the above suggestions on how to handle your anger. I think that could lead to more outbursts and more rage. I suffered from anger issues myself when I was growing up and it isn't easy, it's like a blue mist comes down and things get all out of hand, then you are left puzzled. It is not reasonable to just accept the anger, I feel that it is far better to learn how to cope and rather than reacting with anger, act calmly. (Yes it can be done and it achieves a far better result all round.)
I am sure you know all about hormones, lol, period rage and pmt lol so I won't cover that.
The arm, let's look at that for a moment, was it the same arm that you felt both boys hit? Is it your dominant arm, the one you write with and would use to protect yourself? Was your arm clothed or bare?
I would also suggest things like seeking out the school counsellor and discussing how you feel and your anger and perceptions. Also I would look at things like psychic grounding, protection and meditation exercises, mindfulness and also breathing exercises, they can all really help you learn to control emotions and how you feel. Let me know if you want some tips on those.
Hi Iris,
Welcome to HP 🙂
I find myself disagreeing about the above suggestions on how to handle your anger. I think that could lead to more outbursts and more rage. I suffered from anger issues myself when I was growing up and it isn't easy, it's like a blue mist comes down and things get all out of hand, then you are left puzzled. It is not reasonable to just accept the anger, I feel that it is far better to learn how to cope and rather than reacting with anger, act calmly. (Yes it can be done and it achieves a far better result all round.)
I am sure you know all about hormones, lol, period rage and pmt lol so I won't cover that.The arm, let's look at that for a moment, was it the same arm that you felt both boys hit? Is it your dominant arm, the one you write with and would use to protect yourself? Was your arm clothed or bare?
I would also suggest things like seeking out the school counsellor and discussing how you feel and your anger and perceptions. Also I would look at things like psychic grounding, protection and meditation exercises, mindfulness and also breathing exercises, they can all really help you learn to control emotions and how you feel. Let me know if you want some tips on those.
Yeah I struggle quite much with the anger issues... I've lost a couple of friends because of it and I also have many fights at home...
The first time I was hit on my right, dominant, arm with short sleeves. The second time I got hit on my left arm with my jacket on.
I did have a therapist at school but she made me very uncomfortable and I'm not very good at explaining how I feel...
Thanks for the tips!!
It is hard to explain feelings, they are personal to us. You know there are some online anger management courses too?Maybe you might like to almost try in secret to work through your feelings? It is obviously better to do this with a trained professional or a teacher or someone you trust but if that is not possible then you are left with limited choices.
Do you eat well? I mean do you get low moods in the afternoon or when you haven't eaten or are hungry? Low blood sugar can be a trigger too. You are doing well to post on here 🙂
The arms - well I was wondering if it was one particular spot and similar circumstances but seems not?
It is hard to explain feelings, they are personal to us. You know there are some online anger management courses too?Maybe you might like to almost try in secret to work through your feelings? It is obviously better to do this with a trained professional or a teacher or someone you trust but if that is not possible then you are left with limited choices.
Do you eat well? I mean do you get low moods in the afternoon or when you haven't eaten or are hungry? Low blood sugar can be a trigger too. You are doing well to post on here 🙂
The arms - well I was wondering if it was one particular spot and similar circumstances but seems not?
Could you tell me more about the online courses, I'm interested for sure.
I don't eat well. Especially in the holidays I often forget to eat breakfast and/or lunch. My mother often goes out for dinner with friends, then I end up eating maybe a tomato or two and that's it.
I do know that I have a low blood pressure which sometimes causes me to faint. However I don't know if it has anything to do with my anger issues.
Thank you so much for helping! x
Hi Iris,
You’ve had a lot of good advice on here, which I hope you will consider – I just wanted to add one more thing. It looks to me like you need to learn to love yourself. Not in a narcissistic way, but love yourself for whom you truly are. There’s only one of you in the universe, you are unique and you were created for a purpose. You are loved and needed. Look for all the good qualities you have, think about all the good qualities that you would like others to show you – and then live them yourself, like intelligence, kindness, compassion, understanding, joy, calmness – you add to the list and think about them. Anger and confusion are not part of the real you.
It’s obvious that you need help. The very fact that you acknowledge that (by coming here) is a good start. Have you spoken to your family? Have you seen your doctor? Please don’t give up on the therapist – she’s there to help you.
One of the ways you can love yourself is to make sure you are well nourished. I know my husband becomes a monster if he misses a meal – so does his brother, so I’m guessing there must be a connection. It’s not fair to yourself – or others - to let yourself get into that state. Take responsibility for the way you live your life. You can do that.
I know a lady who, when a teenager, was medically prescribed mind-altering drugs. Though she was freed from needing to take them, it seems that they affected her thinking and when she gets stressed, she often imagines conversations or happenings with other people that are complete delusions. She totally denies that it was the product of her thinking and goes around accusing others behind their backs of wrongdoing and turns on anyone who dares to suggest that it never actually happened. This can happen too with people who took marijuana, LSD etc, though hopefully you are too young to have gone down such a destructive path.
Now, I find it very reassuring that you are aware that you have a problem and are looking for ways to be free of it. There is an answer. For a start, make sure you are well nourished, talk to your family and start loving yourself and life will be much sweeter and less frightening for you and everyone around you.
Love and peace,
Judy
Hi Iris,
You’ve had a lot of good advice on here, which I hope you will consider – I just wanted to add one more thing. It looks to me like you need to learn to love yourself. Not in a narcissistic way, but love yourself for whom you truly are. There’s only one of you in the universe, you are unique and you were created for a purpose. You are loved and needed. Look for all the good qualities you have, think about all the good qualities that you would like others to show you – and then live them yourself, like intelligence, kindness, compassion, understanding, joy, calmness – you add to the list and think about them. Anger and confusion are not part of the real you.
It’s obvious that you need help. The very fact that you acknowledge that (by coming here) is a good start. Have you spoken to your family? Have you seen your doctor? Please don’t give up on the therapist – she’s there to help you.
One of the ways you can love yourself is to make sure you are well nourished. I know my husband becomes a monster if he misses a meal – so does his brother, so I’m guessing there must be a connection. It’s not fair to yourself – or others - to let yourself get into that state. Take responsibility for the way you live your life. You can do that.
I know a lady who, when a teenager, was medically prescribed mind-altering drugs. Though she was freed from needing to take them, it seems that they affected her thinking and when she gets stressed, she often imagines conversations or happenings with other people that are complete delusions. She totally denies that it was the product of her thinking and goes around accusing others behind their backs of wrongdoing and turns on anyone who dares to suggest that it never actually happened. This can happen too with people who took marijuana, LSD etc, though hopefully you are too young to have gone down such a destructive path.
Now, I find it very reassuring that you are aware that you have a problem and are looking for ways to be free of it. There is an answer. For a start, make sure you are well nourished, talk to your family and start loving yourself and life will be much sweeter and less frightening for you and everyone around you.
Love and peace,
Judy
Hi Judy,
I do agree that I should work on loving myself. I've been working on that for quite a while now but I'm really struggling actually. I have days where I'm super proud of what I've accomplished but other days where I hate myself...
I do need help and I want it too. I'm just not good at talking with my family because I feel like I can't trust them. They can't keep secrets or personal information and that's why I feel uncomfortable telling them stuff. I prefer talking to my friends but sometimes I'm afraid that they think I'm overreacting.
I am trying to take care of myself but for some reason, when I'm at home, I become very picky about food. When I'm at others or in a restaurant I love everything but at home I usually only eat half of my plate... I also get nauseous very quick when I'm at home. We always open up all the windows but it doesn't work. Especially when dinner is being made I feel like throwing up for some reason.
I'm not completely sure what you meant to say with the part about the lady but just to make sure, I don't take drugs, I don't drink and I don't smoke. My friends do and that's their choice but I wanna wait as long as possible with that.
Also, I once took a test and the result was that I have a big possibility of having a bipolar disorder. Do you think it's possible and if so, what can I do about it?
Thank you so much for your help, I really appreciate it!
Iris
Judy said:
It’s obvious that you need help. The very fact that you acknowledge that (by coming here) is a good start. Have you spoken to your family? Have you seen your doctor? Please don’t give up on the therapist – she’s there to help you.
and I couldn't agree more. This is not something to 'work on' by yourself - what, exactly, would you do to 'work on' it.
I - of course - would recommend shamanic counselling. Others, I know, can recommend other ways. But choose one, and stick with it.
The other thing is - people throw around this term, 'loving yourself'. Do you actually know what this means? As Judy mentions, this can be interpreted egotistically. Does 'accepting yourself' - all the things you like and don't like (at the moment) about yourself - make more sense?
Dear Iris,
So good to hear back from you!:)
I'm not completely sure what you meant to say with the part about the lady but just to make sure, I don't take drugs, I don't drink and I don't smoke. My friends do and that's their choice but I wanna wait as long as possible with that.
I only wrote that to say that sometimes these delusional symptoms can happen when people have taken mind-altering drugs, but I'm so glad to learn that you are intelligent and sensible (as I knew you were!) I am old enough to be a grandmother and have gone through my whole life, not drinking, smoking or taking recreational drugs and have boundless joy and satisfaction. Relying on chemicals for satisfaction doesn't ever bring real peace and joy. The fact that people become addicted - have to keep on taking the substance over and over and in stronger quantities, shows that they never really satisfy. Peace, satisfaction and joy come when we find out who we really are.
Also, I once took a test and the result was that I have a big possibility of having a bipolar disorder. Do you think it's possible and if so, what can I do about it?
I would not dwell on that at the moment Iris, just fill your thoughts with gratitude and love as I try to describe below and that can all fall away. I know of many people who are now quite free through a change in their perspective on life.
When I spoke of loving yourself, I wasn’t meaning pride of accomplishments (though they are to be cherished), but something much deeper - a recognition of all the beautiful and good spiritual qualities you (and everyone) are made of! As I said in my earlier post:
There’s only one of you in the universe, you are unique and you were created for a purpose. You are loved and needed. Look for all the good qualities you have, think about all the good qualities that you would like others to show you – and then live them yourself, like intelligence, kindness, compassion, understanding, joy, calmness – you add to the list and think about them. Anger and confusion are not part of the real you. They are the counterfeit and can be put off.
We have all been created to love and to bless others. It’s when we are doing that that we feel fulfilled and content, because then we are connecting to our Source, whatever you choose to call it - spiritual reality, All that Is, or as I understand it, my divine Father-Mother God, who is infinite, unconditional Love. This morning I was reading an article that described what this Love is – this is an excerpt:
Love isn’t just friendliness and well-intended human affection. Love is so much bigger. Love is intelligent power for good, instead of destruction. Love is infinite meaning and purpose, instead of confusion and anger. Love is divine action and healing, instead of chaos and coping. Moreover, love is never limited, never without an answer, always present, because in its fullness, Love is God. And because divine Love is God, that means our ability to feel and express love is never determined by our personality type, or whether we “deserve” love, or the circumstances we find ourselves in, but by the forever fact that God is cherishing and animating us with love. [url]‘What if … love?’[/url]
We have to start by loving ourselves, by recognising and loving our own pure and beautiful qualities and then we can see them in others, in nature and in everything around us. Find at least 4 things to be grateful for each day Iris, especially at meal times – a heart filled with gratitude can’t feel sick, it’s too busy being happy!
These words, based on the Bible sum up what I’m trying to say – they are true of you and everyone:
"Being the Beloved expresses the core truth of our existence... We are intimately loved long before our parents, teachers, spouses, children and friends loved or wounded us ...
Listening to that voice with great inner attentiveness, I hear at my centre words that say: 'I have called you by name, from the very beginning. You are mine and I am yours ... on you my favour rests. I have moulded you in the depths of the earth and knitted you together in your mother's womb. I have carved you in the palms of my hands and hidden you in my embrace... You belong to me. I am your father, your mother, your brother, your sister, your lover and your spouse...yes, even your child...wherever you are I will be. Nothing will ever separate us. We are one." (Henri Nouven, Life of the Beloved)
Many years ago, a young woman with some serious problems came onto HP and with the encouragement of many of us here, she totally turned her life around. She wrote a precious private message to me a couple of years later, just saying how joyful she was and how she felt so loved and so connected to all that is. One thing I shared that she particularly identified with was this article, so though your problem (thank goodness) is not alcohol, or drugs, I post it here just to show what a change of thought can bring.
[url]I was healed of alcoholism [/url]
Love and peace,
Judy
Judy said:and I couldn't agree more. This is not something to 'work on' by yourself - what, exactly, would you do to 'work on' it.
I - of course - would recommend shamanic counselling. Others, I know, can recommend other ways. But choose one, and stick with it.
The other thing is - people throw around this term, 'loving yourself'. Do you actually know what this means? As Judy mentions, this can be interpreted egotistically. Does 'accepting yourself' - all the things you like and don't like (at the moment) about yourself - make more sense?
I do want (and probably need) someone to talk to but the therapist from back then didn't seem to understand me and I felt uncomfortable talking to her. Do you know if I can find someone myself or do I my parents need to know about it and agree with it?
Can you explain what shamanic counseling is because I've never heard of it before.
And like I said, I have days where I'm totally fine with who I am and what I look like and all my flaws but other days I can hate myself for everything! I know I'm not the only one struggling with this but it's still very annoying actually...
Thanks for the help!
Iris.
Dear Iris,
So good to hear back from you!:)
I only wrote that to say that sometimes these delusional symptoms can happen when people have taken mind-altering drugs, but I'm so glad to learn that you are intelligent and sensible (as I knew you were!) I am old enough to be a grandmother and have gone through my whole life, not drinking, smoking or taking recreational drugs and have boundless joy and satisfaction. Relying on chemicals for satisfaction doesn't ever bring real peace and joy. The fact that people become addicted - have to keep on taking the substance over and over and in stronger quantities, shows that they never really satisfy. Peace, satisfaction and joy come when we find out who we really are.
I would not dwell on that at the moment Iris, just fill your thoughts with gratitude and love as I try to describe below and that can all fall away. I know of many people who are now quite free through a change in their perspective on life.
When I spoke of loving yourself, I wasn’t meaning pride of accomplishments (though they are to be cherished), but something much deeper - a recognition of all the beautiful and good spiritual qualities you (and everyone) are made of! As I said in my earlier post:
There’s only one of you in the universe, you are unique and you were created for a purpose. You are loved and needed. Look for all the good qualities you have, think about all the good qualities that you would like others to show you – and then live them yourself, like intelligence, kindness, compassion, understanding, joy, calmness – you add to the list and think about them. Anger and confusion are not part of the real you. They are the counterfeit and can be put off.
We have all been created to love and to bless others. It’s when we are doing that that we feel fulfilled and content, because then we are connecting to our Source, whatever you choose to call it - spiritual reality, All that Is, or as I understand it, my divine Father-Mother God, who is infinite, unconditional Love. This morning I was reading an article that described what this Love is – this is an excerpt:
We have to start by loving ourselves, by recognising and loving our own pure and beautiful qualities and then we can see them in others, in nature and in everything around us. Find at least 4 things to be grateful for each day Iris, especially at meal times – a heart filled with gratitude can’t feel sick, it’s too busy being happy!
These words, based on the Bible sum up what I’m trying to say – they are true of you and everyone:
Many years ago, a young woman with some serious problems came onto HP and with the encouragement of many of us here, she totally turned her life around. She wrote a precious private message to me a couple of years later, just saying how joyful she was and how she felt so loved and so connected to all that is. One thing I shared that she particularly identified with was this article, so though your problem (thank goodness) is not alcohol, or drugs, I post it here just to show what a change of thought can bring.
[url]I was healed of alcoholism [/url]
Love and peace,
Judy
Hi Judy,
thanks for replying so fast, I really appreciate it!
Could you maybe give me more tips or exercises that might help accepting myself more. And also what I shouldn't do? I think that'd help a lot...
Thank you so much for helping and understanding!
x Iris
Hi Iris,
I've given you quite a lot to read and contemplate already - go back and have another look and read the links I've shared, that would be a start. As I said above, find 4 things every day to be grateful for - one of them during a meal at home. Think of the spiritual qualities that food represents - satisfaction, supply, nurturing, beauty. Try to see beauty and goodness in everything - even food and be grateful for that. 😉 This thread should get you started:
Then, as I've said above think about all the beautiful qualities you express - write those down too and add to them every day. And then, think about the qualities you would like to express and start living them too. Finally, when you are loving the real you - because only purity, intelligence, grace, love etc express the inner beauty and joy that constitutes the real you - not negative qualities - when you are loving who you really are, you can start loving others and seeing their beautiful and pure spiritual qualities too.
Love and peace,
Judy
Hi Iris.
The thing to understand is what is your true identity. Contrary to popular belief it is not the reflection that you see in the mirror, you have a spiritual identity. The mirror image is just how your spirituality is expressing itself on this planet.
That said by default that spiritual identity comes from the Divine as does everybody else's. It is therefore perfect, as the Divine is perfect. No despair, no feeling of inferiority. (no actual illness either)
However earthly events can interfere with the translation from the "spiritual" to what we class as the mortal. If a child is told that he or she is worthless then that mental impression can stay with them and interfere with their spiritual translation and their physical expression can end up disturbed or ill.
What we have to do is try and ignore any preconceived suggestion of human weaknesses and align ourselves with the expected perfect spiritual translation.
I don't think that there is an actual word in the English language to descried this process as the science of spirituality has never been really accepted.
But think of how you accept numbers. You never question their existence or value. A number 2 is always a number 2 it can't be anything else.
If someone writes it down, gets the squiggle wrong or half rubs it out it is still a number 2 and can only perform the function of a number 2.
We have to have the same conviction that we apply to the integrity of numbers, to the integrity of our body, both spiritually and physically.
Is it possible to think of a number 2 as faulty, absolutely not, because the maths have been provided by the Divine. But so have we so why accept that there is something wrong with our integrity. It can only be our own thoughts that are creating our own disharmony. So we must not think of a problem as being true, or normal. If we do accept it we are making it real, so our own perfect spiritual identify will have trouble expressing itself.