Hi all hope you are keeping well.
I need some womanly advice please as last year I met a lady on a social media network where we both clicked, but unfortunately she had only just split up with her previous boyfriend and said to me “please give me a year to recover from my last relationship then we will go on our ‘first date’”. So I agreed and during that time I kept in touch with her by liking her posts, she did the same with my posts, occasionally I posted comments which were humorous, witty and friendly and have been chivalrous on many occasions.
As obviously the last thing I need to do is upset her in anyway as it could go against me when she is ready to date men again and have a relationship with, 4 months ago she stopped liking my posts and became robotic when she replied to some of my posted comments. A year has only just passed I left her a private message just saying “I cannot believe that a year has passed so quickly can you? and thanked her for her follow and post likes”. 24 hours has passed and she has not replied back at all but has been active on her profile as she has been liking other peoples posts. On other public social media networks (which I am not following; as I do not want to be seen as a pervert!) she said “I am not ready for a relationship yet but I should be ready next year in 2019 so why not ask me then”.
In her defence I cannot see her going on dates until after her birthday in March 2019 what really annoys me is that she has made no contact with me and has liked someone else’s post which says “I wish I had a boyfriend or husband because I am not strong all of the time”. On several occasions I have offered to go out on a date with her but she said “I am not ready yet” because we seem to connect in some way being boyfriend and girlfriend material. I know that women can be confusing to us men sometimes especially as most of my family are women and have been told that the eldest grandchild (me) normally has baby girls when having children which has even been proven within my family!
So I would like some advice on what to do please? e.g. leave her another message and hope she replies, leave her alone by giving her some space and hope she not only becomes less emotional but heals from her previous relationship and asks me out on a date next year (as I have already stopped liking her posts, posting my usual comments and stopped posting on my social media network; as I do not want to upset her). I do think I am taking her actions more personally than I should do because she could be my first ever girlfriend and I am in my 30’s, due to my evil and poisonous family who kept me from living my own life. Also a father who stalked me whilst I lived just down the road from where he lived for 16 years..... but still here to tell the horrible nightmare.
I look forward to your replies.
All the very best,
TheBattle2009
Dear Battle,
I think you've summed it up in your last paragraph. Look, you've never even met by the sound of it - you don't have a real relationship. I would leave the FB page she's on and just leave her alone. I've had people following me around in the past online and it's not pleasant. It can feel like you're being stalked - I know that you're not doing that, but she doesn't know you and you might be coming over as being too keen and pestering her. It sounds to me like she was just fobbing you off, rather than being genuinely interested. But remember that it's her loss, not yours.
Just concentrate on healing your past hurts through forgiving all those who have wronged you and start finding out who you really are. Think about your good qualities and think about the qualities you could share with others and the qualities that you would like in your life - and then live those qualities! Things like you've already listed - a sense of humour, kindness, joy, unselfishness, Find happiness within and get to know other people gently, through shared hobbies, clubs, adult education classes etc. Meet people face to face. Make friends first with people of both sexes. Don't be desperate to find a girlfriend - there's no better way to get them to run off! It's like a butterfly - if you sit still, they will come to you, but if you chase after them, they will fly off.
So that's my advice Battle. Leave that FB page and forgot about her - she's not interested. All this talk about not being over her previous boyfriend is just an excuse. Find yourself first. You are already complete - you are not a half needing another half.
I wish you all happiness.
Judy
Hey Judy
Thank you very much for your reply it is very much appreciated! I am truly sorry to hear that you have personally had people following you around in the past online and I bet it is not pleasant at all! because I bet it can feel like you're being stalked! you’re right Judy I am not like that as I do treat people how I would like to be treated on and off of the internet and I do normally just breeze in and out of peoples lives without causing a stink.
Just recently I received a reply from the lady in question and basically she said “I am not ready for a relationship yet, as I am enjoying being single at the moment still and you should not have to wait for someone to be ready! It took me 6 years last time before I settled down into a relationship but then that went sour.
So I had no choice but to leave him because he was not committed to our relationship at all unfortunately! instead of looking for dates you could make friends with women who you fancy and get to know them first and their hobbies they like as they may match with yours. Therefore able to find a connection that way which you can both share together for years to come as friends and maybe more down the line!”
My next question now is....?
Should I become friends with this lady first? (as we live quite close to each other) just like the films: When Harry met Sally, Driving Miss Daisy, Friends (Chandler and Monica were friends first) and Just Friends. Thinking about it even our UK Royal Queen Victoria and John Brown were very close companions, I recon in this century they would have gotten married! Or am I just a romantic fool??
I have been there, done that and got the tea-shirt when it comes to dating in the real world and making friends with the opposite sex first but turns out they just want to be friends and nothing more. But as long as this lady in question and I are open and honest with each other at the start, maybe we could start out as friends first in the real world what do you think?
I will keep on healing myself from the past and try not to get desperate thank you Judy when it comes to finding a girlfriend and chase the butterfly away but I have been single for more than 20 years! and I do feel truly cursed! That would be a miracle if a woman approached me first to ask me out as women seem to like being approached by men even in the 21st Century.
Looking forward to your replies.
All the very best,
Oliver
Thank you for sharing your post! Once again it reminds me why I adore this forum. Always a learning experience! Happy Holidays to all.
Dear Oliver,
I was going through HP and remembered this thread.
Whenever I have problems, I always hand them over to God. I try not to humanly outline how I think things should be - doesn't work. You may never have thought about this method, but here are a couple of articles that show how a change of thought brings about a change of circumstances.
[url]Your right to companionship [/url]
[url]A Valentine wish[/url]
I wish you a joy-filled New Year.
Love and peace,
Judy