If you're weary, feeling small...... to all those that need it

I've just posted this on my Livejournal.

Life can sometimes feel like the biggest struggle ever, day in day out. At these times it is so easy to forget how happy we have been, and that though we have felt so low in the past, we have, in time begun to feel better, even if it was just for a moment or two.

I am so lucky at the moment to be in a place where I can look back and see how far I have come. I am still only half way up that proverbial mountain, I am still very scared and often wonder if I will ever reach the top, but I am looking forward, not down.

If the fear creeps up, I find myself thinking "yes I am feeling low/ depressed/ tired from not sleeping for days/ insecure/ panicked/ unlovable/ ugly/ worthless/ waste of space/ useless/ angry that I feel like this" but that is not what defines me. I may have these thoughts, but as they are not helping me very much I try so very hard to just acknowledge them thank you very much, then move on. I refuse to be dragged down by myself and my insecurities anymore.

Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't but that is OK. I choose I how I feel. I am learning to feel more positive and take control of my life rather than moan about it. It's not easy and sometimes my poor husband has to listen while I pour my negativity onto him thinking it will help me to cope. It doesn't. I have to find the answers. I just end up making him feel crap as well.

We all have what we need inside us. Some people find this resource seemingly without effort and sail through life. Others, like me and so many people I know, have to work at it. But that is OK. I have learnt SO much about myself in the last few months than I have in my entire life and though it almost tore me to pieces, I am glad to have gone through it as I have moved so far forward as a result.

Good days/ bad days, one step at a time... etc etc all these things people helpfully say to me. Annoyingly it's true. On the bad days though, how will you chose to deal with it? I have discovered that I am my new bestest friend. I know that the advice I give to other people is the very advice I need and ignore for myself. Well, I am all for giving myself a good talking to, sometimes it works, sometimes I scare the public (;-), feel free to give me a good talking to too.

I am always here if anyone needs to advice, to chat about anything or nothing in particular or to just offload, and if you're into it I can send you Reiki healing. I'd be more than happy to. Just let me know.

I've been through so much in my life, but I am still here and if any of my experiences can help just one person, then it will have been worth it. The greatest things I can give is my love and my time, both of which I have oodles of. The second greatest is my arms as I'm a champion hugger (this bit is not so altruistic as I love a good cuddle!).

Hope this helps,

Lots of love Nicky
x

[sm=grouphug.gif]