Hi, i'm kinda new to this, not sure where to start, umm here goes anyway. My son is 4 and my daughter is 2 and theyre not sleeping very well(never have lol). I'm a single mum so its hard to try and attempt a routine, plus i have health problems. Basically my kids dont sleep at night, our routine is kinda back to front, awake all night, sleep all day. I know i must sound like a terrible parent but im trying my hardest, i dont have anyone to turn to and the health visitor is never around, im sorta just doing this whole parent thing by instinct, always have done. I'm so tired of us not being in bed earlier and i really want to change our ways but i really dont know where to start, our routine at the moment is kinda (and i hate myself for it) get up at 4pm and the kids finally go to sleep at about 5am. They eat fine and are otherwise very healthy and active, but they are extremely stubborn and we clash a lot when we have temper moments, ive tried being firm and restricting their things but i just am at a loss how to approach this whole thing, ive never really had to set rules or anything, it was like we had an unspoken understanding of everything but now its all gone to pot. Plus my son is not even in nursery yet, he absolutely refuses to use a potty or toilet so im having trouble there too.
I'm sorry for ranting on like this, hopefully you guys can shed some light on these issues, I'm seriously starting to doubt my ability to be a good parent now and i hate feeling like this.
Thanks for reading this if you do, sorry its a bit long.
RE: help with kids and sleeping please!!
Hiya foxyKat
Firstly thanks for being so honest...and welcome to hp... the initial concern i had was you son will so be due to start school and he will struggle if does not have an established routine...also if they are not getting up till 4pm I assume they are not getting to play with other children the same age????
This is a real difficult one and will cause no doubt some tears and tantrums from everyone...the only place i think you can reasonably start is to get them up ealier...if you try and put them down earlier they will just not be tired, obvioulsy by getting them up at say 9 or 10am to begin with they will be tired and so will you and obviously bear in mind that tired children tend to push us that bit further so extra patience is required from yourself....get them out of the house into the fresh air, down to the local pond or park.... if they are struggling to get out of bed, get them dressed remain calm and take them out.....find some puddles, sandpits, parks, train rides (most kids love these) etc etc now your children may still require an afternoon nap but regulate this (mine have around an hour) once they are up from there nap, stimulate them so that they retire before going to bed...mine are in pj's by 7-7.30 and in bed by 7.30-8. If they have toys in their room take them out....if they have tv's unplug them, regulate your meal times, their body clocks are out of synch...it will be a rough ride for a couple of weeks but if you are firm and patient with them and yourself you should all come through it much happpier....obviously once you have got the hang of getting up at 10am knock a couple more hours off so that you are more in line with school times...
hope that helps, good luck and let us know how you get on..
Tigs
x
RE: help with kids and sleeping please!!
I know this sounds like it is going to be difficult, but as Tigerbee suggests you really should get your kids in to a daily routine. You will probably be surprised at how flexible kids can be and once they are up and about they can be like little dynamos. Personally I would bite the nail on the head and start setting your routine as you mean to go on 7am - 7pm, even if it means a couple of all day parties to keep them going. I expect this sounds severe, but I'm sure once you give it a go, the kids will love being involved in daytime activites.
Good luck and keep in touch.
RE: help with kids and sleeping please!!
Hi, It will be tough to begin with but I agree abouth the routine. I had the same problem with my nearly 3 year old. Often up until 12/1 am. As he has to be up early some days for the child minder we made ourselves (which is the hardest part) put him to bed early. Not easy the 1st few days. Be prepared for all out war 😉
With the potty training, I too had worries. My son is 3 this month and by mid march was still in nappies. Refused tho sit on the potty. Said he was scared of it. Wouldnt even entertain the toilet. I tried off and on with him every couple of days or so. Never pushed him into it.
A couple of weeks ago, I had a week off work. Brought some proper pants for him. Explained that it wouldnt feel nice if he wee'd in them and to ask if he needed to go. We had 2 accidents the 1st day, 1 the second and he has been completly dry and clean since. It only took 2 days but it had to be when he was ready.
Good luck, I know its not easy. You are a good mum or else you wouldnt care so much and feel the need to ask.
Lisa xx
RE: help with kids and sleeping please!!
Oh my god - you poor thing.... being a parent is just the hardest thing and it sounds like you are so willing to turn this around and I totally agree with TigerBee, Angel and Forest - It's going to be really tough to turnaround the routine that has already been established - but once you have done it and stick to it like glue it will be such an achievement. The other drastic measure i can think of is doing a sleeping cold turkey thing - whereby keep them and yourself up as much as you can in the day even though you haven't slept at night and then all of you going to bed at 6pm for a few days and then 7pm and then stick to 8pm ish for the kids and whatever you want for yourself. Also within your routine a couple of hours before lights out has to be quiet time - dinner, bath, stories bed.... no fuss and after much much protestation (and there will be) they will finally give in - all they need from you is CONSISTENCY and strong Will. i know it's impossible to find that strength when you are knacked but YOU CAN DO IT - WE WILL SUPPORT YOU ALL THE WAY - GO SUPER MUM!!!! Then you will have a couple of [sm=angel-smiley-027.gif] !!!! GOOD LUCK!!!
RE: help with kids and sleeping please!!
I totally agree. This is going to be really really hard but you have to do it for your own sanity. You need a life too and your children need to be awake during nursery/school hours. Everything seems so much bleaker during the 'wee small hours' when it feels like the whole world is asleep but you. Try some of the suggestions to keep the children awake. It will work but you must persevere. Let us know how you are doing. There's a lot of support out there for you.
Charisma.
RE: help with kids and sleeping please!!
hi foxykat [sm=wave.gif]
i've got a couple of suggestions that may help you-do you have a sure start/homestart in your area?
regarding home start, a volunteer (whos usually a parent themselves and have been trained by homestart) visits on a weekly basis and can give you tips and suggestions on how to manage your situation, and can give you some support. i think you can refer yourself or you can ask your health visitor to contact home start for you.
i'm not really that clued up with sure start, i think they are more geared towards the nursery side of things as i have seen minibus collect/drop off young children , and they have resources-again, ask your health visitor for more details.
also, there are parenting courses available which are free and bring you into contact with other parents, i have been to one for several weeks and its good fun!! its not formal at all, the course is only 6-8 weeks long and it deals with issues such as effective communication etc.what i have found helpful is meeting other parents as it puts it into context that i am not alone with dealing with my own kids!! as my children are older than yours i don't have the worry of childcare when im doing the course-hopefully there will be one in your area that provides a free creche.
i agree with all the other posters, and i wish you well-it will take a bit of time, but you will get there.
warm wishes-calla lily x
RE: help with kids and sleeping please!!
Hello Foxycat,
I have to agree with everyone here. Getting your youngsters into a 'normal' daytime routine after so long will be a bit of a struggle, but with perseverance and setting limits, you'll soon be settled into your new routines. There will be some opposition at first, but try to keep calm and reasonable but firm about it.
Potties - yes, try and encourage your son to use one, or the loo. Putting little pants on him will help enormously. If he's wearing nappies, his psychology is, 'Nappy = no potty.' When you begin to establish your routines, he'll be able to manage the loo.
You are not a bad mum just because you've got out of 'sync.'
Love,
Patsy.
xxxxx
RE: help with kids and sleeping please!!
Get them into chill out time, they need to wind down just like adults do.
I recommend meditation CD's and ambient music also check out also flower essences.
love beyond measure
Kim xx