My son's school is getting me so depressed. He is only 5 and is half way through reception, and I think he is doing brilliantly. Yes he has plenty of difficulties which we get very frustrated with, but learning isn't one of them. I have posted in the past wondering if he has ADD, he certainly scores highly on the hyperactive questions.
The trouble is the school only says negative things about him ie. can't concentrate, won't do this, won't do that, can't sit still, disrupts other kids learning etc. I was just told yesterday that he is going to be excluded from "special times" ie. all his favourite things if he doesn't behave in the classroom. I've got a parents evening on Monday, so I don't see why this criticism couldn't wait until then, now I just have the weekend to brood over it amd get fired up!
As with most 5 year olds they don't tell you much about their day, I did find out he was being bullied and the schools initial reaction was to blame him for pestering his friends to join in, rather than dealing with hitting, kicking, punching etc. Anyway I strongly believe the root of all his behaviour problems in school is boredom, he just isn't interested in learning what they teach and the way they teach it. The way he puts it "it's girly".
What am I suppose to do, I back the school up wherever I can. But if the school won't recognise his needs as well as all the other kids I'm at a loss.
Part of me wants them to say we need to get a behaviour support team/GP to assess him, the other part of me worries that by recognising there is a real problem will only isolate him further.
This is making me so sad.
RE: Disruptive behaviour
angelfish,
I am so sorry your son is having a few teething problems. We all want our childrens time at school to be so happy don't we?
I definitely think you need to organise a meeting with the school - maybe apart from the parents evening. If he has been bullied already there is something wrong in my opinion.
Not all children are emotionally ready for school at 5, and find it difficult to adapt to the more formal routine of school as opposed to nursery or playgroup. I am sure you have explained to your son that school is more grown up an dhe does need to pay attention and listen to his teachers - but a the same time, he does still need to have fun and enjoy going to school.
The school need to help you and your son settle. If they think he is disruptive etc, why? What do they think they can do to help him? Has he had his base line assessment - does he find the work to easy and need pushing a little?
Get them to help you! Don't be sad, I think boys are more prone to being less ready for school than girls. My son was one of the boys that was still disruptive at 6 and 7, he just liked having fun!
Karen xx
RE: Disruptive behaviour
Thanks for the quick support Karen. What's a "base line assessment?" certainly the school haven't mentioned anything to me. When he was at nursery they did an achievement record, which I assume is similar and he scored very well on this.
It is my personal view (and I know all parents are bias), but the school have been very slow at recognising his desire to learn certain things. For example, he decided he wanted to start reading, he made huge efforts at home and could complete all the beginners reading books I could get my hands on. Every day he would ask if he could have a "school reading book" and was simply told not yet. His group started 2 months after he showed an interest, and unsurprisingly he could read all the starter books immediately.
The structured environment of school has helped him achieve more academically, but his interests are far more wide ranging. He simply isn't happy painting and learning about teddy bears picnics all day. He wants to know about how the universe works, different countries, why the tectonic plates create earthquakes and eruptions, and what's the difference between a comet and a meteor.
I gather from the schools comments on disruptive behaviour, it is centered around being overly enthusiastic and wanting to be the centre of attention (social interaction) ie. calling out answers, wanting to be first all the time, talking over others conversations, shouting etc.
What makes me sad is that the school don't acknowledge to good things he does, on the same day as my "disruptive behaviour talk", he insisted on taking in some homemade red nose day biscuits for his friend who couldn't eat the school party treats because he was allergic to milk and my son was concerned he would feel left out.
Now I sound like I'm moaning... sorry.
RE: Disruptive behaviour
I don't usually post in this forum, because I have no children, and this might be quite irrelevant in this case ...
However, yesterday I was idly reading the list of ingredients on the pot of strawberry yogurt I was eating. Cochineal was one of them, and I'm pretty certain this was one of the substances that the Co-op recently banned from their own brand products. (It was not Co-op yogurt, BTW). So I did a google on Cochineal risks, and found this:
a list of E numbers, including ...
E120# Cochineal, Carminic acid, Carmines red colour; made from insects; rarely used; the HASCG* recommends to avoid it.
*Hyperactive Children Support Group (HACSG)
(My use of Bold, their discrepancy/typo.)
As I said, possibly irrelevant here, but may be of use to someone.
Holistic
EDIT: Our posts crossed AngelFish, but interesting "co-incidence" re milk 😀
RE: Disruptive behaviour
Angelfish, it sounds to me like your son is a very bright little boy who is certainly bored by the work on offer in his classroom.
People do forget that "special needs" not only relates to under acheiving children, but those like your son that are very intelligent. All schools have a Special Needs co-ordinator, see if you can get them involved in the meeting too.
Home support is so important - you are obviously doing alot to help your son. All I can suggest is keep it up! Join the library if you havent already, and use as many resources as you can to encourage this delight in learning, before it is squashed out of him by the school. Early Learning do some great packs, and arenot too expensive.
I hope you get some joy from the school, do let us know what happens.
Karen xx
ps baseline assessment is the general scoring that children get as they begin their school lives - ask the teacher at the parents evening!
RE: Disruptive behaviour
Thanks for the advice guys, maybe I'm jumping the gun.... but then again mine and my husbands feelings must come from somewhere. If some serious issues are raised by his teacher on Monday, then I will definitely have to look at getting the special needs co-ordinator involved or get some advice from his school nurse on behaviour and groups which might be able to help. It does seem like the school measure abilities solely based on their teaching style and if a child doesn't fit with that, then they are underachieving.
I know there are many other kids that have far more difficult behavioural problems than my son, but my husband and I are getting so drained that it is taking a toll us too; getting out of bed in the morning is just getting more and more difficult. [&o] After 5 years of hyper behaviour, I do feel that I have to stop believing he will just grow out of it.
RE: Disruptive behaviour
further to holistic's comment, if this isn't something you've looked at, i would definitely recommend you assess his diet. don't know if you've read the research on omega oils and their success with 'hyperactive' children. also, so much of the food that children eat contains some very dodgy chemicals, many of which are banned in other countries. when my daughter was growing up i carried a card listing the worst ones and their effects so i could avoid them. she was a very bright child but well-behaved. having seen the effect on small children of a glass of coke and biscuits, i started to take it seriously. also, if yr son is blond and blue eyed, he has a much greater chance of being hyperactive, apparently, boys with this colouring are more likely to suffer from zinc deficiency, which can lead to 'disruptive' behaviour. after all that, he may just be exceptionaly curious and bright and need a lot more stimulation than the average joe. maybe kumon classes would appeal? they're not just about maths!
RE: Disruptive behaviour
look at amber's post on e numbers
RE: Disruptive behaviour
I consistently evaluate his diet and have noticed some things which set him off, Robinsons Fruitshoots for one, and these have been stopped completely. He did have Coke once, and nevery again [:o]. Really his diet is brilliant, his food selection very sensible and he eats very little things with E numbers (I watch it all very closely). I'll have another look at Amber's post, maybe I've missed something. He does take multivits and EFAs, but they haven't made a difference. I realise that sometimes the most innoccous foods can affect behaviour, but I really feel that in this case it is a personality issue. From day 1 he was a difficult baby, difficult birth. Maybe it is milk?
My husband feels looking back over own his life he should have been diagnosed with ADHD and my Mum who is a reception teacher and is very up on child psychology thinks he may also have borderline Asperger's. I would say his hyperactivity is probably hereditary from me, so perhaps our genetic makeup may not be the best selection out there.
He is blond haired blue eyed.
What's Kumon classes?
RE: Disruptive behaviour
go to and you'll get full info. there are classes all around the uk and yr son would definitely get the stimulation, recognition and association that he needs.
in view of his colouring, could be worth supplementing with zinc as this can be quite difficult to get from food alone. i think the amount is 15mg daily. worth looking at (or might be .com).
you mention that his was a difficult birth so i would highly recommend cranial osteopathy. bound to be someone on here who can point you to a good one. my daughter was a forceps delivery, cried all the time, didn't want to be held. we had huge problems with early feeding and, later, with getting her to eat at all. were sent to a cranial osteopath when she was 6 who discovered that, where her skull had been squeezed by the forceps, a nerve had become trapped and there was a build-up of fluid at the base of her skull. this was affecting her digestive system. after one treatment she said something i'd never heard before: 'i'm hungry!' music to my ears! she had one more treatment and has been fine ever since. a friend of mine who is a midwife and therepeutic masseuse, thinks every delivery unit should have a cranial osteopath to remedy the problems caused by the birth process. might be worth a shot. hope this helps.
penny
RE: Disruptive behaviour
Typical, I just checked out the Kumon website and there are no classes in Cornwall. I'll send off for their brochure though, as they do offer correspondence courses. Thanks for the tip.
I took him to a recommended cranial osteopath when he was a baby/toddler, he too was a forceps delivery and was left with a very nasty dent in head for years. It had an immediate effect on his crying and he really seemed to calm down while with the osteopath, but the unfortuantely effects weren't sustained even though we had repeated treatments. Not something I have thought of trying lately, we did take him back when he was about 3 and half I think, but he really wouldn't sit still long enough. I definitely is worth considering again though.
I've been doing reflexology on him, which I am amazed he actually look forward to and sits still for (as long as he has something to occupy him). He really isn't touchy feely, so it is a really nice opportunity for me to be close with him. I think he sees it as acceptionally affectionate, if you know what I mean.
I must be on the right road somewhere, everything you are all mentioning is something I have or am trying. "What really works for kids" is one of my turn to books. I guess behavioural difficulties are such a complex issue, because there are so many factors that need to be taken into account for each little rascal, that there is an awful lot of trial and error. I found the following website really helpful at premium.netdoktor.com which helps breakdown the specific types of ADHD and explains ways we may expect to get help from his school, doctor etc.
I let you know how Monday goes, maybe I'll be feeling a bit more optimistic after my parent's meeting
Thanks again
RE: Disruptive behaviour
Well I have just had my parent's meeting.
I am totally baffled now, the teacher's comments were all really positive and my son is doing really well in school. In fact he is exceeding expectations and his disruptive behaviour is only a small concern. Maybe his teacher was just trying to put the fear of God into him, so he wouldn't misbehave again! Oh Well, all my worries over the weekend have now been subdued.
Thank you for all your kind words of advice. [sm=hug.gif]
RE: Disruptive behaviour
Excellent news! I am so glad that you have had good news at the parents evening, let's hope that it was, as you say, just the teacher trying to 'scare' your son into behaving a little bit!
Karen x
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brilliant news. always worth bearing in mind that teachers are not experts in anything but teaching! longer they've been teaching the more negative they seem to get - they forget to notice the positive things that happen all the time and focus on the negative things that happen occasionally! sounds like you're doing a great job with your son, don't let them crush his spirit!
RE: Disruptive behaviour
I sort of agree that some teachers forget the positive but not all. I vowed if i had more bad days then good i'd walk away from teaching - but i have good days and bad. My problem is the paperwork and the deadlines that take me away from the teaching and the counselling elements. Please dont tar us with the same brush i love kids with spirit and those that dont.