At my wits end! Help!

Hiya, sorry to hear about the things your sonis going through. When I counselled kids in a local school a while ago I found it helpful to get someone in this situation to write a letter. Its great for boys as they dont like to talk about thier feelings. Ask him to write you a letter each saying all the things he wants to say but know he maybe cant say to you or to your face.. You have to allow him to express though so make sure he knows he wont get in trouble at all if he choosees to show the letter to you or his dad (which he may not, but it still helps to write and get out of his system) ask him to write down how he is feeling and things he is hurting about or maybe questions he wants to ask and also to explain why he is angry and where his anger is aimed. This is because we often hurt those we love ie you as his mum but he might just be angry because he doesnt understand so your taking flack over things the 2 of you might be bale to talk out. or he might want you and dad to be together to read adn then talk about your letters.

worth a try

Paula
xxx

Hi Claireyangel

So sorry the situation is so difficult for you. My thoughts are with you. I cannot offer you any advice as such, but I personally would search for a psychotherapist with EFT skills to try and defuse the situation for you all. It is so difficult for all of you and once accusations start to be hurled this makes thngs worse. Would your GP or Relate be able to offer any support? (Clutching at straws here, but there must be help available)

Hi clareyangel

This is such a difficult time for you - much sympathy and hugs to you. I'm also divorced and had some "interesting" times with the kids while it was all going on ...

So here's my advice for what it's worth:

Your son is blaming himself - I know that doesn't make any sense, but the fact is that's what children do. You and your ex need to explain to him that the relationship between you two is nothing to do with each of your relationships with him and that you both still love him even though you two don't get along any more - you could draw a picture to illustrate it, since he's so young. The picture tends to look like a triangle, with each of you at one of the three corners.

If you've been saying things like "Mummy and Daddy don't love each other any more", you'll need to emphasise that neither of you will stop loving him - children are very logical in their own way and when they learn one can stop loving, they've a tendency to think that means one can stop loving them. Obviously, that isn't true, but they don't know that. It's confusing for them and they need a lot of reassurance.

You might find it useful to get your son to draw what he thinks your breakup looks like, which might give you an insight into what's going on in his head. Remember not to take it personally - it's just information, not a judgement.

Bear in mind that he is angry, of course - but underneath that is confusion, fear, hurt etc. Everything he took for granted has collapsed under him and he's not old enough to understand what's going on without a great deal of patience and a lot of reassurance that his life is just as safe as it always was.

Oh, and my particular favourite was "you made my Daddy go away". Obviously. I was still there and my ex wasn't. However, bear in mind that it's because you're *there* that you're getting that one. If your ex was there, *he'd* be getting it. It's *fear* that that one comes from, not judgement. And it's the fear that needs to be addressed - "Dad's still here and he's not left you", "Dad will always be there for you", "Dad hasn't left you, he's left me" - that last one could be hard for you to articulate, but ...

Anyway, hope this helps. Let us know how you get on.

Fx

Hi there, You are going through a really difficult time and I think your son will be as frightened and upset about his 'behaviour' as you are. You might want to consider a few sessions with a homeopath. The remedies will support him during this time and enable him to express his emotions more appropriately so that he controls them, rather than them controlling him- which is probably what's happening at the moment.
Homeopaths are used to seeing people in such situations and you should expect for your son to be treated sensitively, so that he doesn't feel too uncomfortable about being there. The treatment can also help with the physical symptoms as well.
An alternative could be for you to have the homeopathy for some extra support. If you need further info or help in finding a good homeopath, pm me. HTH Hom

You may also want to do a search on Indigo Essences - made by kids for kids to help with their emotions. Well worth considering, you can add them to water and drink.

Thank you for everyones help much appreciated 🙂 Clareyangel x

Hi Clareyangel,

Sorry about what your family especially your kids is going through now. I hope and pray that everything gets well.

If this is a tough time for you, maybe it's much harder for your son to handle. What you can so is try to explain to him that it's not his fault that you and his dad is going through divorce, because maybe he feels that it's his fault.

Spend more time with him and let him know that he means the world to you. Be patient and more understanding.

Good luck! 🙂

Oh Clareyangel, my heart goes out to you. As if it's not enough having to cope with all the emotions of a divorce, you're having to cope with this as well. Try to find something to be grateful for each day and hold onto that. For instance - liek the fact that your ex is a good and loving father.

I went to to see if there were any articles on how people have got through divorce through prayer and there were 89 and the very first one was this, by two girls: [url]When my parents got divorced[/url]

Hope it helps

Love and peace,

Judy

Dear Clareyangel,

Sorry that you're going through such a tough time. I've worked with many children and families in your situation using a combination of herbal medicines and family counselling. I have also found that many children benefit greatly from play therapy.

The herbs that I would think of at this stage would be Chamomile, Skullcap, Passionflower and St John's Wort. These herbs are helpful nervous system herbs and also support the Liver which can get congested when there is a lot of stress.
Rose herb would also be helpful and I have found it very settling for children who are undergoing change and are not coping with it.

If you'd like any further herbal advice then do private message me.

Best wishes,

Jodie