I have a 6 year old boy, who I have always felt has quite different behaviour and learning traits that other kids his age. His school (now year 1) have decided to raise concerns relating to inattention in class and social behaviour, but so far haven't really done much to help or offer advice. He has done a workshop to work on taking turns and understanding the needs of others, but at the end of it has shown no progress. Unfortunately from discussions with the workshop leader and his tutor his behaviour is not so extreme that it requires he needs statemented and I am left wondering what is going on.
Personally I feel my son is inattentive in class because he is bored and just isn't interested in learning the usual classroom stuff, doesn't respond well to the teaching method and doesn't work well in a group. The classroom is noisy while the kids are working and he can't concentrate. Ultimately I have been told that if he cannot listen and pay attention he will begin to struggle, which he already is in maths. And that his behaviour is disruptive to other children and the teacher cannot give him individual attention and she has no support staff to help.
Sorry to ramble on, I have reached a roadblock. My husband doesn't want "state help" because of labelling and the school seem happy to whinge at me, but not determine the source of the problems or help with his learning needs.
I am now wondering if he has mild aspergers (my husband a high end IT professional is pretty convinced this was his own problem at school). On the face of things my son seems a lively normal boy, but there are some things that make me worry.
- lack of understanding of social situations/friendships ie. taking turns, taking control of games, butting in, sitting still, calling out (all of this is pretty extreme). Social events are not fun for us and he doesn't like them, unless he has free reign.
- desperately wants to make friends, but doesn't join in with the group games and is very reluctant to join in group sports/clubs.
- totally oblivious to rules even though he is told constantly (he knows if asked what he is doing is wrong, but he can't control his actions).
- discipline/punishment at school has no effect, as he can't control what he is doing
- interests are very mature for his age (computers, construction especially complex lego, electrical stuff, maps, geography, stars etc)
- loves puzzles/chess and doing things like IQ tests, but hates "studying".
- most of his interest focuses around flags/maps/countries and is pretty obsessional about this.
Sorry I am going on and on, but wondered if anyone can offer advice on how I can get independent guidance as I am sick of his GP/school saying everthing is fine when I know in my heart that something is up.
RE: Not sure if this is Aspergers
Dear AngelFish [sm=hug.gif]
I have just read your post and it really strikes a chord with me - practically everything you have said applied when my son and daughter were younger (they are now 24 and 20.) I've talked about our own circumstances on the thread called "Autism in the family."
[link= http://www.healthypages.net/forum/tm.asp?m=268760 ]http://www.healthypages.net/forum/tm.asp?m=268760[/link]
As a starting point I highly recommend the book called "Asperger's Syndrome - A Guide for parents and professionals" by Tony Attwood, ISBN 1853025771 which I was told about by a former psychiatric nurse who also has a son with AS. Here's the details on Amazon. You can see some of the inside pages here.
[link= http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/1853025771/qid=1133550419/sr=1-1/ref=sr_1_10_1/202-3147731-4158218 ]http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/1853025771/qid=1133550419/sr=1-1/ref=sr_1_10_1/202-3147731-4158218[/link]
It's the best book I've seen on the subject (and I'm an ex Waterstone's employee and now work in a library.) One of it's main features is that there's a detailed diagnosis questionnaire which the professionals use along with Diagnostic criteria as well as many helpful website links. You'd get a pretty good idea about your son's behaviour from reading the book and it IS very readable. I know you must be so frustrated with the situation and desperately want to get help as soon as possible. If you don't want to buy the book you could reserve it from your library.
I'm not suggesting your son definitely HAS Asperger's Syndrome but the book would probably help point you in the right direction so that you have some "ammunition" to use in your discussions with your family doctor or local clinic.
I wish you all the very best as I can tell you are a caring and concerned mother who wants the best for her son[sm=1kis.gif]
If I can help in any way don't hesitate to PM me.
With love,
Crystal Spirit xxx
RE: Not sure if this is Aspergers
I would agree with Crystal Spirit.
I have a 19 year old son with Asperger Syndrome and have, over the years, had contact with many people whose children have the same problem.
I feel very strongly about lack of and inapprpropriate support in schools as obviously this costs money.
I know it can be hard to accept, but actually recognising the condition your child has makes it easier for others around him to realise that he is not a badly behaved child and his behaviour is not as a result of bad parenting, but that he has a recognised condition that can be helped.
Most parents who have AS kids, have to fight to get adequate support for their children, as they will struggle. Also as these kids get older, the differences become more obvious between them and their peer group.
Statementing will be the first step to getting your child the help he needs (although not all schools are good at implementing help for kids with social problems).
There is no stigma attached to having Asperger Syndrome. If you need any further help, you can PM me.
Lesley
RE: Not sure if this is Aspergers
Thanks for the support Crystal Spirit it is so helpful to hear of other experiences especially when we are not talking about extreme ends of the spectrum. I really sympathise with the difficulties you have had over the years, and know I am just beginning that path. As you have said professionals aren't very helpful and are trying not to label children, however I feel the point they are missing is that parent's need answers in order to help their kids. I'm not even asking for diagnosis I would just like some sensible advice, beyond that of "supernanny".
RE: Not sure if this is Aspergers
Hello Angelfish, My son has been through all the same troubles, joshua 8 years Dec 23rd and he still attending hospital since he was three. We seen loads of different doctors during the years. The Autistic Trust were very good and you can chat any time to understanding people there.
They callA.S the invisable disease as they look like any other normal child, thats why sometimes people don't understand and say they will grow out of it, they do improve in some ways.
As you can see your not alone, there many that can help and listen if you ever need to share.
love and blessings
lightwinds
Wendy x
RE: Not sure if this is Aspergers
Thank you for your kind words everyone. I'll let you know how I get on, once I have had a chance to cool off.
RE: Not sure if this is Aspergers
Hello AngelFish
My experience is from teaching young people who come under the umbrella of special needs.
Yes definitely follow your instincts and do all you can to push for support for your son, even if it means initiating the statementing process. Statementing is a good thing.
Getting support at the time of needmakes all the difference toa child'seducational experience.
Very best wishes with your path. It definitely sounds as if you have the determination and courage to succeed.
RE: Not sure if this is Aspergers
you can request that the school have your son assessed by a professional , educational psychologist or an autism consultant or special needs out reach teachers who advise schools and parents on ways of working with childrenif your local authority has one. also your son is entitled to support in school without a statement unfortunately depending on where you live you might have to push for it. Parent Partnership organisation might be able to advise you here
Also when the school whinge at you push the responsibility back by saying things like well you are the professional what do you think we should do or what strategies would you recommend for us to use at home with him.
if they don't know then you could suggest that they either ask the local authority for advice or provide you with details ofwhere to get help and advice. Failing that you could phone your local authority and speak to the education Officer responsible for special needs provision in your area and if you still get the run around write to the director of education
good luck
RE: Not sure if this is Aspergers
Hi there, I am quite choked, reading that thread.It was as if I was sat there writing that, My little boy is 5 and hasnt been labelled but he has exactly the same problems only he is very angry most of the time and does outrageous things, like blocking toilets, throwing things, slamming doors, hiding, running off all the time when he is I feel frustrated or angry.
I would like to keep in touch with anyone on this site regarding these types of symptoms as its a constant battle everyday for everyone in our family. But he is a lovely little loveable boy who just doesnt understand social and role play skills. trace
RE: Not sure if this is Aspergers
Hi trace[sm=hug.gif]
Welcome to HP. You are very welcome to keep in touch with us here on the Forum....just to be able to offload may help somewhat. You can email or PM in my case - I don't mind. I'm no expert though, I'll confess that! Has anyone in the medical profession seen/assessed your son?
Take care,
Love and Light,
Crystal Spirit X
RE: Not sure if this is Aspergers
Hi Everyone
I have an 8 year old son with AS. We struggled for a couple of years to persuade the medics that he did not do the things his peers did. It took my mental health to reach breaking point before I was taken seriously. We were lucky to get a great speech therapist who really helped. There is a very effective communications course for parents called "More that Words" that helped us to help our son. He has a statement, is in mainstrean school with 11 hours support per week, and is coping well. There is light at the end of the tunnel if you can get the support you need. Start with your GP and request an speech therapy assessment from a therapist who specialises in complex communication disorders. Contact the National Autistic Society and ask for details of your nearest support group. If you live in Northumberland pm me and I can give you some local information.
Regards,
Michele
RE: Not sure if this is Aspergers
Hello
In response to your childs behaviour I really think it would be worthwhile investigating the beneficial effects of EFA's (essential fatty acids) such as omega 3 and 6 which have been shown to help children with behavioural problems. Research has shown how children on the autistic spectrum have shown an improvement with concentration and behaviour after they have taken a regular course of capsules. You could even approach your doctor as they often prescribe the EFA capsules . It can take 12 weeks or
more before any improvements are noticeable. Hope this is of some help.
RE: Not sure if this is Aspergers
I'm not sure if your reply was for me, sorry if I've got confused. I don't see that a speech therapist would be of any help as my son doesn't have any speech or hearing problems. The more I see of my son I think a lot of his behaviour is simply due to boredom and just not yet being able to deal with the social expectations, which to be honest can be ridiculous in his school.
Hopefully in the next couple of months we will be moving to Australia, it will be interesting to see if there is a change.
RE: Not sure if this is Aspergers
Hi, I just joined this website and read your post. Funnily, it came up though I searched for something else, so maybe this is one of those synchronicity things.
My daughter met the diagnostic criteria for both Asperger's and autism when assessed at age 5. It was devastating for us, because we didn't get a formal diagnosis (in case it turned out to be Non-Verbal Learning Disability, which the neuropsychologist at the same hospital said may actually be the same thing as Asperger's) but in retrospect, the lack of diagnosis and the lack of help because we didn't have a diagnosis was actually a good thing. It forced me to look elsewhere for help.
In answer to my prayers, I was given information about a conference on autism during which I got information about a gluten-free, casein-free diet, and nutritional supplementation, including essential fatty acids, which I see another subscriber has suggested to you. We implemented the supplementation right away. I resisted the diet for a long time, because my daughter was such a picky eater that I didn't see how I would be able to pull this off. We finally decided to remove gluten from her diet. Within days, she went from a child who would just stand on the soccer field and lose focus and let the ball go right past her without noticing, to being able to follow the ball and actually kick it and run after it. Months later, during the summer holidays, we removed casein. It was very difficult because milk was her main protein source. When she returned to school, with the same teacher who moved up a grade with the class, her teacher couldn't believe the difference. "What did you guys do over the summer?" she asked, noting that she had seen my daughter handle some situations without meltdowns that would definitely have caused meltdowns the previous year.
In retrospect, I believe my daughter had an adverse reaction to vaccines (youcan read a lot about vaccine damage through the autism research institute) because it was after she was vaccinated prior to kindergarten that she totally lost eye contact and the tantrums became extreme. Likely, each vaccine did some damage (she definitely developed g.i. problems after the MMR at 12 months) which culminated in the very challenging behaviours we experienced after her last set of vaccines.
We also, in a very synchronous way, were connected with an incredible homeopath. She gave my daughter the homeopathic remedy for the vaccine that I believe resulted in loss of eye contact, and about a week later, my daughter looked into my eyes and just stared. I gazed back gently smiling, but in my heart, I was so thrilledthat I was just ecstatic and wanted to cry at the same time. My daughter still has some of her social challenges, but the meltdowns are infrequent compared to several 45 minute tantrums daily, and she is starting to make friends at school (this month, for the first time, she received a birthday invitation!). She used to take 10-15 seconds to process the answer to a question, and now she is able to answer immediately. She's happy, whereas in kindergarten she often expressed suicidal ideation.
We have been using this homeopath for about two years, and my daughter gets better and better with each treatment. More and more families of children with autism are consulting my homeopath and her husband because of their remarkable successes with this population. I would recommend them to anyone (I don't get any discounts, or bonuses or any perks for making referrals - our family has been blessed immeasurably by the treatments and I just wish all families struggling like we were could have the same relief and hope we have). The homeopaths are in Ottawa, which is 2000 miles from me and I have never met them - we do all our work over the phone, so if you're in Australia that wouldn't be a problem - just likely extra expenses for long distance calls.
I
RE: Not sure if this is Aspergers
Hi,
About the speech therapist - there is a difference between being able to talk and being able to communicate. The person who helped us specialised in complex social communication disorders. Children with Asperger's can have a vast vocabulary but cannot express themselves in a way that their peers can understand. As a result their social relationships are affected.
I hope this clarifies the role she had. My son was aged 3 at the time, 4 when he was diagnosed. The speech therapist was the one who recognised his unusual behaviours and social interactions as being on the autistic spectrum and got us the support we so badly needed.
Or you may have an Indigo Child.
Regards,
Michele