Please see the thread below which I started in the spirituality forum. I hope someone on this forum can help out too. Sole x
I am at my wits end. When it comes to the crunch I make the same mistakes over and over. I give in to the temptation of the senses when I am in the company of a man that finds me attractive. My taste seems to know no bounds - I am drawn to so many different types and crave sexual satisfaction. I have been making progress in my efforts to stop - I no longer have full intercourse, but still, the interactions that keep taking place are completely spoiling my efforts to start my life over on the right track. I've made so many fantastic changes to begin my life over, and I really feel the universe conspiring to offer me a fresh start. But when these things happen they mess up everything. I suffer really badly from self-disgust afterwards which I feel is affecting my health, and I want so badly for this habit of mine to go away. I think I may try meditiation, but wondered if anyone else can suggest something powerful that I could try for some extra help.
If there are some particularly good meditations out there for this kind of imbalance, then please share them with me!
Please, please, please someone. Help me in my hour of need. I'm starting to wonder if I am doomed to live under this curse forever.
Thanks x
Hi
crab apple flower remedy will help clear self disgust
chestnut bud flower remedy will help to learn the lesson you have set yourself
pine will help to clear guilt
One visualisation you could try is to take the energy from your sacral centre to your throat centre, and to then do something daily to create something..a poem/drawing etc
blessings
tigress
Its not a curse, you have choices in this life. I am quite sure there are lots of people on this earth who have had a sexual encounter with someone and then regretted it. However, kicking yourself up and down about it is pointless, it wont help and it doesnt change the situation.
If I were you, I would be spending some time working out what you like, what makes you tick not how other people like you or perceive you, ie if they find you attractive, yes it is nice to get positive feedback from people but depending on what their agenda could be, ie a casual encounter if you dont want the same, you may end up hurt.
You do not need to get physically close to everyone who shows you some interest. If you have issues you need to work on for you work on them, with no one in the picture, then when someone does come along you will be better placed to work out if they are going to be good for you or not.
If something is making you ill, its not healthy for you physically or emotionally.
Pauline
thanks to both of you for your words of advice.
Pauline - I have spent the past year working out what I like and don;t like, as this situation wrecked my long term relationship. I have begun my life again, started a new career path and faced all of my demons head on. I have also been having counselling for the past few months, but still this situation keeps happening. I realise I don;t have to get physical with someone that likes me, but I guess in the end it must be some form of escapism. I'm dealing with every part of my past and my childhood to understand myself better, and I've been getting a picture of why my habits have been formed in the first place. The only thing is, I can't seem to shake the habit.
I'm now mid 30's and for the first time in my life I understand what kind of man I want to be with, and what kind of life I want to have. But I'm just messing up my chances because I'm falling into the same regretful and cheapening situations over and over. And I feel my credibility is at stake, not just from my self but also from others.
It may sound petty to some, but it's destroying my life. Attention from men has always come easy for me as I am attra
RE: Slave to my senses - I really need help
Hi - I would go with NLP rather than hypnotherapy in this instance, as NLP will get to the root cause and reframe how you feel about it, When you then combine this afterwards withthe hypnotherapy technique of future pacing, you will find relationships that much more rewarding, and will stop kicking youyrself about your choices.
NB. Hypnotherapy on its own is pure emotional liposuction and can cause more harm than good, as it does not deal with the cause of the problem.
RE: Slave to my senses - I really need help
I am actually an addiction worker by profession. I always say to people that in anything that is causing them problems, the words need and want are very telling. Like if I am going to have a drink I am having it because I want it, I dont need it. However, when someone is on the road to dependency, they may need it, or think thatthey do due to physical cravings or detoxing, ie unpleasant symptoms.
Some people use substances because they get a "buzz" for the time that they are high, however the lows and the crashes do not make up for that high feeling which is temporary.
Some people are unable to return to anything, be it alcohol even in a lesser quanitity after coming off the substance and cold turkey is the only answer.
In the same way it is possible to be addicted to alcohol and drugs, it is also possible to be addicted to sex. People may put themselves at risk to get sex, they may end up sleeping with people who are already attached, friends partners, relatives partners etc.
We are all different as human beings. Personally I think that most people I work with, any over use of a substance or a behaviour, take that away and there is usually a trigger. It is about working out what your triggers are and how to cope when you are craving a sexual encounter.
There are always ways of coping and identifying triggers. Behaviour change is always possible as well and many people simply mature out of addictive behaviours because they want a different life from the one that they are currently living.
There is no easy answer, it may just be as simple as working on how to build up your confidence and self esteem and to find ways of replacing that temporary high that you feel.
Recognising that there is a problem is the easy bit, its the working out how to deal with that problem is harder.
Groupwork may be helpful, that is support networks that involve people with similar issues.
Pauline
RE: Slave to my senses - I really need help
Wow - thanks to you both Pauline and Mace uk. It feels so comforting to have this kind of support , and to be offered such a wide range of ideas and guidance.
You're right - I'm pretty sure there are some triggers with me. I'm trying to rebuild my self esteem in terms of my life picture - really jumping overmental obstacles and hacking my way through internal blocksand surprising myself in many ways. I figure that will be my fallback, and I'm proud of my fresh start.But I also think I do need to get even closer to the roots of the problem and confront them. I think the group sessions may be a useful idea. I'll also look into the NLP thing - although it's always scared me a bit. But interesting to note your comparisons Mace UK between that and Hypnotherapy. I will read further on this subject.
If anyone else out there has anything to contribute I'd love to hear from you. Particularly from anyone who has been through addictions of this kind.
I think in my case to be very precise (and I hope noone minds) but it's not so much the sex I'm addicted to - it's the encounters. The chase. The mystery. The thrill. The interaction. And the elements that excite me are actually not so much the physical. But more the psychological teasing that goes with it. The anticipation and play of the minds. I realised tonight on the way home on the train, that there are so many men I make eye contact with and I imagine myself getting intimate with them. It dawned on me that I could maybe get intimate with a different guy every night, and find enjoyment in that. Now, that, in my opinion, is definately a problem. Can anyone relate to what I'm saying? Pauline - have you met others who have the same story to tell? I think in my case it would help me to know that there are other people like me out there. Sometimes I feel like a freak and wonder how on earth I turned out like this. The rest of my family are so clean cut. I just don;t get it sometimes.
The point is - I don;t want to be like this!! And as long as I am like this I can't make out who it is that I want to commit to and be with. There are men in my life who want to be with me. Good men. But I just feel like a live wire ready to spark, unstable and unable to know if I can make it work with someone, and who to choose. To sum it up - I feel like spoilt goods. I feel like all my virture, grace and self-control has eroded over the years. And now I have lost the ability to discern and totune into what is right. Does that make sense to anyone?
Anyway, hope to hear more feedback. Many thanks again for the listening ears.
Sole X
RE: Slave to my senses - I really need help
I have worked with a lot of people who maybe arent going through what you are but a lot who are needy and always need someone around. The thing is, it doesnt make them happy either.
You may think that you would shrivel up and die without sexual contact or the thrill of the chase but believe me you wouldnt.
The thrill only lasts a wee while as I said earlier it doesnt compensate for the crash and the accompanying feelings of low self worth, esteem etc.
If someone said to me that they were seeing lots of people and could handle it emotionally I might still give them the safe sex lecture but it is when you cant handle the emotions trouble kicks in.
If your lifestyle were making you happy you wouldnt have flagged it up as an issue and this may sound tough but you do have choices and you can make positive ones for yourself.
Some time out of your current lifestyle wont kill you, in 3 or 6 months people will still be there and you may find yourself making different life choices after a period of abstinence.
And be a more fulfilled happier person for it.
Pauline