My boyfriend works away from home, I'm very lonely at night. He works away from Monday Morning until Friday night and I can'r bear it. To keep the lifestyle we've got ( 30 something, no kids and a great weekend, holidays and a beautiful house etc)
Most weeknights are spent by myself - I try to keep myself busy, gym, friends etc, but this only lasts until about 10pm (friends with kids having to put them to bed, gym being shut et) And then I'm all alone.
I've found that drinking helps, I can't get to sleep otherwise. I'm not meant to be alone, i'm a sociable creature you know? ( I'm a Libra lol) Our Home has been burgled a few times and i sometimes don't feel safe here. There's probably no way that someone could break in. But you hear such awful stories don't you? I've found that the best way to cope is to get blinding drunk have a quarter bottle of gin orvodka - or couple of bottles of wine - and then I'm so passed out that even if someone broke into my house I wouldn't notice. Horrible isn't it? Sad even,
I find that if I get drunk, I won't be in any state to notice if anything happens. If it does, then fair enough i'll deal with it. But every night it feels that it's the only way to cope. I can't possibly ask the boyf to quit. His job takes him where the work is.Ironically it's in my hometown 200 miles away. I need some way to cope with being alone at night. I'm just so lonely.
Sorry for being so needy. Can anyone help. Please?!!
Web xx
RE: Lonliness
Vernon1, Thanks so much for taking the time to reply to my post. For a while I'm ok, but then a couple of weeks later, I'm back in the same pattern of worrying/not sleeping/drinking etc. I would love to take you up on your offer of a chat but to be honest I don't know what I'd say. I know exactly what I'm doing, you know? I know that I'm medicating myself and blocking stuff out with alcohol. I'm in the healthcare profession myself and I'm aware of what I'm doing to myself and I admit it. I just don't know what else to do to deal with it all.
I sent an e-mail to alcoholics anonymous (drastic i thought but there you go) they're supposed to help with all kinds of alcohol problems aren't they? I got a bit of a soul-less reply, and after a couple of mails they offered to put me in touch with a group in my area. Now I'm not sure I need that kind of thing. I can cope very well when my partner is here, or when there's someone staying, or when I'm particularly tired etc I don't sit and get drunk every single night of the week. There are just a few occasions when I'm feeling very stressed/frightened and I use a bottle of wine to help me get to sleep. I suppose it is a type of alcoholism isn't it? God I don't know. What can I do?
I'm sat tonight, it's 11pm, I know i'm going to have no problem getting to sleep - so i'm ok. But last night was a different matter. My sis had been staying for a couple of days. So no problem, then she left last night and I was feeling lonely, so out comes the bottle of wine and then a couple of JD's and I slept like a baby - probably not though as I'm so tired tonight huh?
Of course, as always, any advice is welcome. Thanks to all who have replied to me on my thread - I appreciate you all!!!
RE: Lonliness
Dear Webstercat,
Hi, I'm sending a link for you to a support forum for alcohol etc..
I didn't read all of the messages that have been posted here, so sorry ahead of time if I'm repeating something
I noticed that you said your home had been broken into.
This alone, would make me want to drink!~ Perhaps if you were able to find some info on trama and self medication that would help.
The problem with drinking to cope, is that at some point it most likely will turn into addiction for you.
I also have a link to a forum for just trauma issues if you're interested.
best to you,
Leslie
RE: Lonliness
oops...forgot the link!
[link= http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/ ]http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/[/link]
RE: Lonliness
Hi Leslie,
Thanks so much for the link, I'll certainly have a good look at that link. I'm actually worried about the drinking becoming an addiction. SO...... A couple of days ago, I decided to throw all the alcohol I have in the house away. And I'm not going to buy any more. I haven't used drink to get to sleep for the last 2 nights - not much I know but I'm hoping those days will add up and add up. I'm knackered though. Got to sleep at 3.30 this morning and had to be up for work at 8am. But i'm hoping that getting into a pattern of not drinking, and getting to bed a bit earlier might work. It's worth a try huh?
My boyfriend is home for a while on Tuesday night, and I think it's time for a serious word about his work schedule. I know he's not happy with the situation so that's something we need to work through together. Actually, it's wierd, as I feel the same anxiety when he's here - but perhaps on a lesser scale. So it might not be to do with just being alone, it might be genuine fear of a break-in?
I'm going to have a look at your link now, thanks so much for taking the time to post. It's very much appreciated!!
Lots of Love
Web xx
RE: Lonliness
Hi Web.
Good for you for tossing the alcohol. You know, I can't say for sure if there is trauma involved but if you were to research some of your physical and emotionl symptoms you might find some truth in it.
[link= http://www.twhj.org/cgi/discus/discus.cgi ]http://www.twhj.org/cgi/discus/discus.cgi[/link]
this is the trauma forum link. It's worth a look.
best regards,
Leslie
RE: Lonliness
Hi Webster Cat,
I've just read the first few replies to your post and unfortunately I'm in a rush but I didn't want to leave your thread without adding my support.
Loneliness is a terrible, horrible thing which affects many many people. I know, I've been there. My advice would be to accept that something has got to change and to see that change as a positive thing. It might be something massive like moving house or job but what ever it is something has got to give because you are dealing with something that is much more important: you're happiness!! Be selfish, look after you! Believe me if you are happy then it is easier for those around you to be happy (even your cats!)
You will have plenty of options, some will take more time and planning than others but you need to talk to your boyfriend and explain how you feel. Then you need to figure out what your options are and do it. Embrace the change if you don't I fear you're mood will just fluctuate like a roller coaster, constantly going up and down and always going round in circles.
Hope this helps,
Adam