My relationship with alcohol started when I was about 14 , staying overnight at friends and at youth club I would swig merrydown until I was sick or ran out of money and cider , usualy the latter. I was brought up on the binge drinking culture and apart from a few "lay offs" I have been a faithful alcohol abuser for 26 years. I could fill a book on the stories of my drunken antics. But now at 41 I am desperate to stop , not just cut down , I never want to touch a drop again, I hate hangovers, I hate not being in control , I hate the lost days and not being at my best ... you know what ? I don't even like the experience or the taste anymore. It feels like I have a destiny to fulfil and drink is holding me back, I have never been depressed before but this is begining to fill me with some dark horrible thoughts.
SO STOP !!!!! yes it sounds so obviously easy, but my wife drinks ,my parents drink , I think every friend I have ever made I have met in a pub and my body and mind seem to be in a loop of habit.
I have on a number of occasiions broken this cycle for a month or two but have always slipped back. This time I am so determined , but I am so scared of failing ...Any advice , inspiration or general comments would be really appreciated.
Hi Water Dragon
I'm not sure if I can directly help you, but I stopped drinking 2 years and 6 months ago. I behave like a total a*se when I drink. So, after some spectacularly appalling behaviour when I was drunk a mirror was held up to me and I knew I had to cut back, or stop. I went off alcohol cold turkey - my plan was to not drink for a month. That was in October - and it was a really hard month. I didn't find stopping drinking easy. However when I got through it I thought it best to keep going until after the new year (and avoid the Christmas/New Year drinking). Once I'd done that it seemed right to make a goal of not drinking for a year.
[In the background was my appalling behaviour, and the credibility I no longer had with my friends as a result of it. I sort of had to stop drinking if I wanted to have any friends.]
Then one year of not drinking rolled into a second... and now I am on my third. This year's new year's resolution was to have one drink a week - but I've only had 4 all year. And I don't think I'll have any more. I'm better off not drinking.
I think I am using my story to illustrate that stopping drinking is 'easier' if you have a very good reason for doing so. I also think that stopping drinking is easier than cutting back on the amount you drink. You have to be a special type of person to be able to cut back - and I'm not. I'm an all-or-nothing kinda girl.
Hello Water Dragon,
Posting this has been a massive step forward and for that you need to congratulate yourself.
I know it’s a little cliché but one day at a time will suffice, be easy on yourself.
It feels like I have a destiny to fulfil
Hold onto that thought because that is what is going to pull you through.
Do not be afraid to ask for support, support can sometimes come from the most unlikely source - it doesn’t have to be a AA group, try some new in your life, maybe something voluntary.
You will always find support here too.
Take care of you.
Thank you both for your kind replys. I have been away from HP for 5 years and missed the energy, that positivety and wordly wiseness ( probably not a word) that radiates these pages.
🙂
wordly wiseness
😀
It works for me. 😉
I think it's great that your tackling this, there is help out there, are you saying you have a huge drink problem that actually affects your family life, work life? your not very clear on this. You've also managed to stop drinking for a month or two previously and slipped back, why did you slip back? just by walking into a pub? I'd probably say go see your GP first or AA, also talk to your family about it, open up! you'll find it alot easier getting the right kind of help for the right kind of problem you have, if you know what I mean? for instance, some people drink to forget, some crave the taste etc once you know why you drink the way you do the it'll be easier to tackle and break the cycle. Hope this makes a bit of sense. Good luck to you and don't be so hard on yourself neither!
Hi Water Dragon,
It can be really hard to make changes if people around you are still pursuing the same habits. Have you had a chance to discuss this with your wife, might you be able to stop together and support each other? If not, perhaps she could consider how she could protect you from her drinking?
On another note - do you know what function alcohol fulfills for you? (or fulfilled at the time when you started) If you can work it out it may be possible to find some alternatives. In my experience of work with addictions, there is usually some gap or need that is satisfied by the addictive behaviour (mostly on an unconscious level) and as a first step it is invaluable to work out what the "positive intention" of drinking is. When you did enjoy it in the past, what kind of feeling did it give you? Was it joy, companionship, safety, confidence, etc? Once we pin this down it is possible to find other options that would satisfy our needs.
Good luck
Masha
Hello Water Dragon,
Posting this has been a massive step forward and for that you need to congratulate yourself.I know it’s a little cliché but one day at a time will suffice, be easy on yourself.
Hold onto that thought because that is what is going to pull you through.
Do not be afraid to ask for support, support can sometimes come from the most unlikely source - it doesn’t have to be a AA group, try some new in your life, maybe something voluntary.
You will always find support here too.
Take care of you.
Water Dragon I know what a huge step you have taken just by posting this. I speak from the viewpoint of someone who lived with an alcohol addict for far too long.
I know I would have supported my ex (and now deceased) husband totally if he had made a concerted effort to give up drinking. Sadly he never did.
If you really WANT to give up drinking - not for anyone else but because you want to - then get support from like minded people. AA, Aquarius,....... ask at your GP's they are sure to have a list of organisations in your area.
Good luck - love and light to you
Hi,
what i would say is find something else to fill the void,
i recently gave up something that was controlling me and what i realised was that i had so much time on my hands,
so i started going to the gym to get fit and it gave me something to occupy my mind and something to aim for,
ive started to enjoy my hobbies alot more too ie fishing and golf ect,
so if you REALLY want to give up it wont be too hard but its what to do then is the question,figure that out and your laughing,
as for your family drinking thats their choice,
you have to be strong enough not to drink,
but you have to NOT want a drink,
if you dont it wont be hard
Thanks E1 for your support. Just to let you know that this week , well most importantly this weekend I have enjoyed alcohol free. | really feel that I can do this. I managed to avoid a party and another major celebration and i had a great weekend and feel on top of the world. love & peaceWD
Well done you. 🙂
well done so far, keep it going.
what i would say is find something else to fill the void
if you dont it wont be hard
Good point! How about filling the void with an exercise programme? If you're planning to go for a walk or a run first thing in the morning you don't want to ruin it by drinking the night before...
You need to make it more painful to drink, and more pleasurable to stop...
I wanted to stop for a few months (smoking too) so gave my sister enough cash in an envelope that it was painful to stop. Whenever I wanted a drink or smoke, I'd remind myself that it would be a $200 drink or a $200 puff. And it worked.
You don't have to use money, but you have to make yourself pay an extremely high cost if you drink... an exercise program is another idea. Or a bet with friends. Or save the money you'd spend and invest it or go on a holiday... be creative 🙂
well done for making the decision water dragon. you say that you are unaware of experiencing depression before - sometimes people use alcohol to lift symptoms of depression they may have been unaware of experiencing - alcohol also increases the likelihood of developing depression and so leads to the development of the up/down cycle in moods. also agree that establishing a routine is helpful for stimulation, having experienced depression myself and battled addictive behaviours, from personal experience i can say that for me, structure helps to keep me occupied and provides me with a sense of purpose. hope that you find the support that you need and sending you love and positive thoughts to mantain your strength xx
Hi just a brief update, as it is 3 months tommorow that I stopped drinking. I have not had any alcohol since the 11th of April and I am happy and adamant that I will never drink again
love and peace
WD
Hi just a brief update, as it is 3 months tommorow that I stopped drinking. I have not had any alcohol since the 11th of April and I am happy and adamant that I will never drink again
love and peace
WD
Congratulations, Water Dragon, what a fantastic achievement!
Masha
Well done Waterdragon...:)
That is great news Waterdragon - I do hope you are feeling the benefits and am sure you will be able to continue.
Well done! 🙂
hi waterdragon
One thing that is obvious is that so much support, kindness heartfelt wishes and energy are put in the pot. just come back and read this post in your 'low' times. Get the sense that you are doing just fine. Wish you all the luck to become a dragon hooked on pure water!
Resonating with your post
Hi Water Dragon (funnily enough I am a Fire Dragon - can be a difficult thing to be at times! Very emotional!)
I am reading your post this Boxing Day morning having had a very drunken Christmas Eve and much less so Christmas Day. I, like you, have grown up a drinker. I started at 13 and alcohol has played a very big part in my life ever since. My friends, professional and parents are also heavy drinkers.
I am not a dependant drinker in the sense that I am able to function without it, it's just that most of the time I don't want to. I work, I have children, I am responsible (well, to a point ;)) and most of the time, do the right things for the right reasons.
To clarify one thing, I have been to AA meetings at two seperate points in my life but after going for a few times and despite resonating with some of the stories of the people speaking, I did not feel I was in the right place. I am sure my reasons for drinking are emotional and plus it's comfortable. If I stop I then have to look at where I am going. I know that drinking stops my development in more ways than one and I would be a better therapist and business woman if I was more focused.
I have reached a point of boredom. Red wine has started to taste odd instead of divine. I am sick of the hangovers and cringing when being told about my behaviour - even if it wasn't bad - I don't like blacking out which I do occasionally and can never pre-empt and therefore feel guilty about being a responsible adult. I have put on weight and I know that I 'use' wine in the evening to calm down after a hectic day.
This boredom/wanting to stop, has been getting stronger and stronger but I am aware that I can boldly state 'I am not drinking anymore' and that same evening have a glass of wine in my hand. However, I do feel that there is some divine intervention going on and I am being spiritually kicked up the a**e!!:D
The other night at a Xmas party I had one glass of wine and just thought, 'You know what? No. I'm not going to get a taxi back tonight, I am going to drive. I don't want a hangover, I don't want to behave like a tosser (even if everyone else is!), I want to wake up feeling refreshed for a change'. And I did exactly that, I drove home and woke feeling so very saintly!
So my question to you Water Dragon is... now we are in December, how's it going? Are you still not drinking?
Hi Delighted
Reading your post, and being aware that AA isn't for everyone, it's funny what people hear when they go to a meeting. I've been to loads (it's my 10th sober Christmas :D) and when I hear others share, many people are speaking about their reasons for drinking as being emotional, and also very much about a spiritual void or emptiness. Alcoholism itself is described as a spiritual malady - that for me really speaks to the emptiness I always felt, the disconnection from others, a feeling of nameless discontent (some of which could be attributed to issues in the past, some of which couldn't because it was actually about alcoholism).
My experience was that my quest to resolve my emotional issues, was motivated by a wish to drink normally. That is, if I could find solid ground inside myself, and feel 'ok', this would mean that I would be able to drink like other people - without blackouts, drinking to excess, making a fool of myself etc etc. For me, this wasn't true, as the only thing that resolved many of those feelings was not drinking and being a member of AA. When I have sought counselling now, it's been to resolve issues affecting my peace of mind or ability to manage relationships (whether these be personal ones, the one I have with myself or at work). Once sober, I have found that it becomes about so much more than the alcohol itself, it is always about how I conduct myself and manage my emotional and spiritual wellbeing.
I just wanted to share that. Often when I read this thread it's people posting to give reasons why AA is not for them, their drink problem is not that bad, & recognising that there are degrees of everything, just wanted to give another perspective. You don't have to be in the gutter with drinking to want to stop, and AA is second to none at helping people stop, whether you consider yourself non-dependent, a functioning alcoholic or are physically ill from it. There's nothing quite like a group of people in recovery from problem drinking, and I've thrived on it, in fact, would never have survived without it.
El x
Hi Elodie
Firstly, congratulations on your 10th anniversary!!
My step father has been sober for the same amount of time and is very involved with the local AA groups in his area. The AA has been a massive source of support for him and he has, without any force, often pointed this out to me. I think the problem for me is that if I try and make an 'absolute' decision whether it's regarding going on a diet/exercising/not drinking etc, I immediately feel compelled to do the opposite. So whilst going to the AA may well do me a world of good, the idea of making a definite decision to never drink alcohol (I know it's 'one day at a time' but that is with the idea that you will persist with it daily!) just didn't/doesn't seem realistic and as you are supposed to subscribe that you want to give up alcohol and agree that you are an alcoholic, I just couldn't whole heartedly do it. I don't want to never drink again. I want to cut down. I don't claim to be an alcoholic. I do, however, claim to have a problem with alcohol. I black out and I drink too much. Maybe this will one day lead to alcoholism and maybe one day I will accept that I should never drink a drop again. I am just not at that place right now.
I think what will work for me more, is to concentrate on trying to develop spiritually and professionally and as a human! And I realise that alcohol does tend to hold me back in all of these areas. However, Elodie, I may well come to the conclusion that exclusion is necessary in it's entirety and then the AA will be my first port of call!!!
D
Hi, a little update on my progress - have been cutting out alcohol for on average 3 - 4 days a week - feeling miles better cognitively, if somewhat run down physically and when I have drunk, haven't particularly enjoyed it... so there is hope!
I have been away from HP for 5 years and missed the energy, that positivity and wordy wiseness ( probably not a word) that radiates these pages.
I stopped drinking 2 years ago, after 15 years of pretty heavy and consistent drinking. Its the best thing I ever did, if I was one of those people who could enjoy a glass of wine from time to time then I guess I would still be drinking, but I couldn't do that, I had to drink 2+ bottles in a sitting. I no longer get the depression I used to get when I drank, I have far more energy and I don't seem to be as sloppy in my decision making sans alcohol.
Good luck to anybody who is trying to knock it on the head, its worth it.
Good for you LondonBloke. That must have took some serious perseverance to achieve. This will show anyone that as long as they try hard enough they can accomplish what you did and get rid of an unhealthy addiction.
Your journey might not have been easy but you went through it. Congratulations for that, as well as thank you for this wonderful motivation for those out there who want to stop drinking too much.
Hope you keep it up and may you be blessed with better health for this.
Happy new year!