Hello - I'm hoping you will be able to give me some advice on how to deal with an alcohol problem - though I'm not sure you would call it an addiction as such.
My problem is not that I drink regularly - these days it is less than once a month - but when I do I usually drink to the point that I don't know what I am doing and often have complete memory loss. Nothing particularly bad has ever hapenned to me but I'm sure its only a matter of time. I regularly make a fool of myself on nights out and after it happens i always tell myself that I won't drink again, but by the next night out I have persuaded myself that i won't drink as much so it won't be a problem...
Part of the problem is a lack of social confidence (I'm not shy but think drinking on a night out makes me more 'interesting'). Also, I have a real problem with - I'm not sure what the word is, maybe impatience or even boredom - when I meet up with friends we usually go to a pub and the thought of sitting there from seven to midnight, even with really good mates whose company I love, seems like it would be really tough!
I just don't think I'm able to control myself enough to drink less on a night out so the solution has to be to stop completely. Today that seems easy, but on the next night out I'm afraid I'll crumble.
Any advice would be appreciated - I've searched on the internet and can find a lot about alcoholism which doesn't really fit with my problem.
Hi Jayykayy, welcome to HP!
There are many ways to look at this matter, and I'm sure you will get lots of ideas here.
One thing is certain, if something is to change, then you will have to start doing some things differently! Sounds obvious, in fact it's inescapable, and the only person who can make this happen is you.
For my own tuppence-worth, I would suggest you start by making a mental checklist of all your basic human needs - nutritional, environmental, emotional, spiritual, etc etc and note any in which you may be lacking. It doesn't mean to change anything straight away, observation is the first step.
Any kind of behaviour that seems self-destructive can actually be a survival attempt - that means something important is lacking and your body is taking extraordinary measures to replace it. Or perhaps something is irritating your system, and you do not know what else to do to relieve it. What soon follows this observation is to try and enrich yourself with what you really need, and that is not such a hardship! Then there is reconnecting with the effect your environment has upon you, and learning how to negotiate with it in an effective way. These are lifetime endeavours.
Sorry if that's a little waffly - hopefully some very practical answers will follow!
Hi Jayykayy,
I cannot add much more to what kvdp said - any behaviour that appears to be self-destructive is intended to bring some benefit, to replace something that's missing, to soothe some discomfort or pain, to mask feelings which we can't tolerate, etc. So the advice on looking at your needs and which ones may not be satisfied at the moment is spot-on.
With regards to the lack of social confidence, as you describe it, drinking is a very commmon coping strategy for this issue - another one is avoidance of social situations, and neither resolve the problem obviously.
The sense of boredom which you mention again may indicate some under-stimulation, shortage of something that's important to you.
As kvdp said, just observing your thoughts and feelings and identifying what it is that you need is a major step towards understanding and solving the problem.
Masha
Thank you both - you have given me some great things to think about. After a sober Christmas I'm feeling pretty confident about putting a stop to this!
I don't know what you like to drink. If it is beer, in the US we can buy .5% alcohol beer. It is called non-alcoholic beer, or near beer. A company called O'Douls makes a pale (German style) beer, and a dark beer. I have served the dark beer to beer drinker friends. They had no idea I was serving them a low alcohol drink; they did not discern a difference. In the US we can order O'Douls beer in a bar. I don't know if you have the same option in England.
I think you need to get it in your mind that you cannot drink more than X number of drinks without becoming drunk. Bars do serve other beverages. Perhaps you could start off drinking a Coke then switch to something alcoholic later in the evening. If your mates try to tease you about ordering a Coke, tease them back by asking them if they are a bunch of alcoholics who couldn't enjoy a soda once in awhile.
Addictions
Hello - I'm hoping you will be able to give me some advice on how to deal with an alcohol problem - though I'm not sure you would call it an addiction as such.
My problem is not that I drink regularly - these days it is less than once a month - but when I do I usually drink to the point that I don't know what I am doing and often have complete memory loss. Nothing particularly bad has ever hapenned to me but I'm sure its only a matter of time. I regularly make a fool of myself on nights out and after it happens i always tell myself that I won't drink again, but by the next night out I have persuaded myself that i won't drink as much so it won't be a problem...
Part of the problem is a lack of social confidence (I'm not shy but think drinking on a night out makes me more 'interesting'). Also, I have a real problem with - I'm not sure what the word is, maybe impatience or even boredom - when I meet up with friends we usually go to a pub and the thought of sitting there from seven to midnight, even with really good mates whose company I love, seems like it would be really tough!
I just don't think I'm able to control myself enough to drink less on a night out so the solution has to be to stop completely. Today that seems easy, but on the next night out I'm afraid I'll crumble.
Any advice would be appreciated - I've searched on the internet and can find a lot about alcoholism which doesn't really fit with my problem.
Hi,
I am sorry to read of your difficulties but pleased that you are reaching out for help. Your story is fairly typical and I think warrants some professional input. The way forward could be with counselling or psychotherapy and medication. There are specific medications that help reduce cravings. Perhaps you could google in your area for a "Drug and Alcohol" service. You may be able to find one that is part of the public service or run by a charity. If so the usual way forward is to be assessed by a doctor, psychotherapist or nurse, or all three. In an ideal setting a multi disciplinary approach will come up with a programme to help you. Good look. There is a way forward. Ian.
Holistictherapypractice
I agree you need to find a local service for help before the problem gets any worse. I used to be a specialist nurse for drug and alcohol addictions. Often sevices can offer a two-pronged approach: counselling for the emotional side of the problem and various therapies to help combat stress and cravings such as acupuncture. I used to teach addiction workers a method called Biophysical Solutions; a needle free form of electro-acupuncture which helps the body produce it's own endorphins.
HI,
OK you need to look at your relationship to drinking, the benefits (it helps you socially) and the problems - not stopping appropriately.
you need to unlearn the behaviours you have towards alcohol.
Firstly alcohol takes about 20-30 minutes from drinking to effect, this means you are always about one or two drinks more drunk than you realise, so by the time you get the buzz you want you have already drunk more= loss of control.
strategies for this, SLOW down your drinking, if drinking beer drink shandys for your first 3 or 4, make sure you eat before drinking.
a way to practice this is to go to a bar and have one drink then leave, you need to rebuild your confidence in your own abilty to self regulate, set a three drink limit, drink a pint of pop/water after your first drink, don't drink for thirst.
the other side is the anxiety and social skills, these can be practiced, go to places where people don't drink and practice, start slow, pick a shop and say hello to the shop keeper, just set a task to find out some things about people, ask questions, listen, try and learn 5 things about someone, don't start with your local shop or next door neighbour, say hello to the bus driver.
you might want to try some online CBT courses for anxiety or ask your Gp for a referral to a CBT (IAPT Improved access to psychological therapies) is designed to make this quaiker and easier - you get a student
Alcohol is the biggest problem of every human life.Its very good when you imitate often.But it is very dangerous when you take regularly. I have served the dark beer to beer drinker friends. They had no idea I was serving them a low alcohol drink; they did not discern a difference.
Alcohol
You have have a lot of very good replies. The important thing is not to diminish or play down the problem. It is real enough and drinking until you black out can have serious consequences. After many years as a psychotherapist specialising in drug and alcohol I think it would be wise to get some professional help. Just a few sessions may be all you need to get you on the right tract. Regards Ian
Drinking too much alcohol can definitely ruin your life. It can lead to family problems,issues related to your organ failure and can often lead to create major issues in your sexual life.
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You will find thousands ways to stop alcohol on the internet but The most important factor is the "motivation". Unless you are not be motivated, you cannot work on those ways. Make a habit of regular exercise it will improve your inspiration.